October 27, 2005
Flightplan is fucking terrible.

So here's another Scary-Crayon first -- an audio review of Flightplan. I hope you've got some spare time on your hands, because I actually ramble on off the top of my had about how much I despised this movie for almost a half hour (in two separate mp3s), complete with digressions, comparisons to other movies, a whole heaping lot of commentary, and all kinds of other good stuff. Of course, I don't expect too many people to actually listen to the whole thing, so the page also features a two paragraph review of the film that pretty much summarizes my thoughts on the film, minus the detail, rambling, and rampant cursing of the unabridged audio version. Oh, and if you happen to read this before you listen to the files (assuming you listen), try counting and comparing the number of times I say the word "terrible" to the number of times I use some form of "fuck". I think "terrible" wins, unless that wholesale cursing at the end of the first file puts "fuck" over the top.

Speaking of cursing, reader James Davis recently sent in the following:

From: James Davis
To: wes@scary-crayon.com
Date: Oct 21, 2005 1:36 PM
Subject: Bad Language

Hey Odo,
My nine year old daughter found your site and I don't much care for the "F" word hanging out there for all to see - especially her. Clean up your act.

First of all, James, thanks for writing in! Secondly, when you refer to me as "Odo", do you mean the Star Trek character, Odo of Bayeux, Odo of Cluny, Pope Martin V, or some other Odo -- and what is your rationale for doing so? Thirdly, I'm glad that you're being a responsible parent and monitoring what your daughter's viewing online. Rather than attempting to censor me, you should continue to do that. So fourthly, in response to your directive to "clean up my act," fuck off. 🙂

Anyway, see y'all next time -- which may be fairly soon!

-posted by Wes | 5:12 pm | Comments (9)
9 Comments »
  • Molly says:

    that was hilarious. you are seriously fun to listen to, and I hope you do more of those in the future.

    "however the hell you pronounce his name"

    The link to the second file actually sends you back to the first file, I was able to access it just by typing a 2 in the filename instead of a 1 but yeah thought you'd want to know about that.

    fucking hilarious.

    and thank you for the warning, I will avoid this movie (and I did actually want to see it!)

  • Wes says:

    Thanks for the heads up on the link, Molly! Should be fixed now. I'm glad you enjoyed listening! I may indeed do more of these in the future, now that I've kinda gotten the hang of fooling with the recording software I'm not sure if you could tell, but I actually had to use a different program than I normally use to convert the first file to mp3 format since the wav file was so large that it kept crashing! Hence the size and slight volume problems with the first file -- though the latter could in part be due to how I sounded to myself with the earplugs. 🙂

    And yeah, totally don't go see Flightplan -- unless you want to see a really terrible film, that is. And it is possible that you might enjoy the experience now that you know what to expect! Still, I'd recommend seeing something that's actually worth watching instead.

  • Greg says:

    God, just hearing a summery of the film was painful. Good job, Wes! Possibly a regular feature?

  • Scorn the Terrible says:

    First of all, I'd just like to say FUCKEDYFUCKFUCKSHITHELLDAMNPISSRAPETHEVIRGINRAMASHIVUPTHEPOPE'STIGHTASSSHITFUCKBARBARASTREISAND.

    Now that the obligatory offensive joke is done, I'd just like to say that I really want to watch Flight Plan now. I've always wondered what it was like to make my eyeballs explode in their sockets.

  • Josh says:

    Ha, I wonder how she found your website. Was it .. the ninja turtle anime? =P

    I think "fuck" wins. I heard the first part but didn't actually "listen" to the whole thing. From the beginning I listened to a large chunk and then I slowly zoned out by browsing the internet. Then I was kinda just tuning in and out. Then I listened the all the "fucks" at the ending. I'll listen to part 2 in a bit!

  • Your sister Kristen says:

    To the man who won't let my brother say fuck: I hope your daughter continues to search online using the keyword "fuck," because I'm sure she's a dirty slut in the making and just wanted to see how many sites she could find with donkeys doing people and whatnot. Fuck isn't bad lanuage however; in fact, it may be the most artful word in the fucking English language. Allow me to demonstrate. 1. Fuck you, you dirty republican fucker who loves censorship so fucking much 2. Are you mad because your wife is fucking your neighbor? 3. Scary Crayon fucking rocks. 4. The fact that you even took the time to write that letter that said "clean it up" is fucked up. 5. Who the fuck is Odo?...There, I feel better already. Fuck. Fuckity fuck fuck fuckoo.

  • Random Guy says:

    Wes, great audio review. And I love the idea of commentary from people who hate the movie on DVDs. It makes financial sense for the studios as well, because they'd entice people who'd otherwise never rent/buy the DVD to do so just to hear people trash the movie.
    One thing about the audio, though. It was quite hard to hear the softer parts of the track. But I'm sure fixing that would be just a matter of kerjiggering with the recording settings a little.

  • I just added flightplan to my Netflix queue... oh boy here we go

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