December 19, 2006
Aaaand we’re almost there…!

And now it's time for the next three segments in The Absolute Strangest Christmas Story Ever Told: TEN, ELEVEN, and TWELVE! Only two more left to go, people... then the fiction posted on the site will be decidedly less strange and random. Hopefully it won't be a letdown! 🙂

We've also got Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #91 for you -- I was going to illustrate this in my usual goofy Sharpie marker style, but then I got lazy and didn't feel like doing any scanning so I figured I'd try some quick photomanipulation similar to what I've been doing with the "artwork" that has accompanied the story segments. Kinda makes me wish they sold Rachel Ray dolls -- I'd totally dye one's hair green and bleach its skin, though I'm not exactly sure how that latter part would work. I used to think she was sort of hot, but now she just scares me. And she's freaking everywhere! Moderation, Rachel Ray is not thy name. 😐

P.S. If anyone from the Food Network or whatnot happens to read this article, a cooking/talk show hosted by ME would totally be more interesting than Double-R's stuff. Seriously, look at the Foodstuffs articles! I'd like to see Rachel Ray top The Legendary Glazed Toroid Fishstick Sandwich. 😛

-posted by Wes | 3:41 am | Comments (6)
  • agustinaldo says:

    1-Your recipes are usually gross, unsavory food combinations from Hell that only a starving Mesopotamean would find tasty.

    I doubt any respectable network would give you a cooking show.

    2-Rachel Rayy's recipesare overrated.

    Well, guess what?


    You try to pass "long-winded" as "strange".

    Well, it's more pointless than strange.

    Next time, don't try to write as much words as possible. In fact, a good story is usually told with fewer words and less inane rants.

  • Wes says:

    Okay, agustin, you've said your piece about the novel before -- it's getting old, especially since you're missing the point that this novel was explicitly written as part of a project in which the word count was the the main point of the exercise. I agree that a good story is usually told with fewer words and rants, but a more carefully crafted story (assuming that it took more time to write) with fewer words would totally fail to satisfy the requirements of National Novel Writing Month. Again, it's all explained in this article.

    So while you may disagree with the philosophy behind NaNoWriMo -- and ultimately I'd probably agree with you -- it's pointless to keep criticizing The Absolute Strangest Christmas Story Ever Told, especially when I wrote the thing in full over two years ago and clearly intend to finish posting it to Scary-Crayon despite your protests. Jeez. 😐

    And whatever! My cooking show would totally rule.

  • t-cubed says:

    This agustinaldo dude seems to be on his period

  • agustinaldo says:

    I'm sorry, I'm just bitter because I'm getting tired of you posting nothing but that Christmas story.

    I want you back at what you do best.

    As for the recipes, what can I say? You once ate dog food and chocolate-covered crickets. I think the only show who would buy your recipes is "Fear Factor".

    If you want some advice:

    1-Stop trying to mix sweet and sour foods.

    You eat make a dessert, or a meal.

    2-Don't overuse the frying pan.

    3-Stop trying to make everything into a sandwhich.

  • Keeper says:

    Wes, you are a true Iron Chef , as well as a perspicacious and graphic spinner of yarns. I hope Santa will still be good to you this year.

  • Molly says:

    Holy crap, I was at my friends' house a week or two ago and she had like three Truscuit boxes with Rachael Ray on them and I was like AUGH because that chic freaking scares me and my friend was all happy about the boxes like LOOK ISN'T RACHAEL RAY HAPPY AND AWESOME? I think she bought the Triscuits BECAUSE of Rachael Ray.

    I suppose it could be worse. It could be, like, Oprah.

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