January 25, 2006
The Stale Cereal Wars!

Well, I promised that I'd try to get this final anniversary piece up before midnight, and here we are -- with minutes to spare, Scary-Crayon presents The Stale Cereal Wars, a detailed commentary that reaches back to the days before the site was even created and discusses three year-old (and then some) cereals in the present day. Make sure to keep reading, because there's a special guest appearance at the end of the piece! Or you could just scroll down, but then you'd miss the photos of me cringing at the godawful taste of these cereals. Ugh.

What have we got in store for Scary-Crayon's third year? STAY TUNED!!!

-posted by Wes | 11:50 pm | Comments (4)

The Stale Cereal Wars!


And just before midnight on the site's second anniversary, Scary-Crayon comes through with an epic piece entitled The Stale Cereal Wars! Which of the three ancient cereals sampled will come out on top? Find out within.  (1/25/06)

-posted by Wes | 11:11 pm | Comments Off on THE STALE CEREAL WARS!!!
A Crayon Haiku #44!

A perversion of soul food...?

A Crayon Haiku #44!

We couldn't have an anniversary without featuring one of the original Scary-Crayon featurettes, could we? A Crayon Haiku #44 once again features an odd combination dish cobbled together in the late hours of the night.  (1/25/06)

-posted by Wes | 8:07 pm | Comments Off on A Crayon Haiku #44!

It's flippin' time!


Leonardo's just flipping for joy on Scary-Crayon's second anniversary! In this comparison piece, we take a look at the Ninja Action Leo figures from the old and new TMNT lines and assess their flipping abilities.  (1/25/06)

-posted by Wes | 6:06 pm | Comments Off on THE LEONARDO FLIP OFF!!!
The Leonardo Celebratory Flip Off!

Hey there, Scary-Crayon fans! Still don't have that promised food article (that's next on the agenda; we'll see if I can get it ready before midnight!!!), but here's the other piece I said I might get up: The Leonardo Celebratory Flip Off!!! In this article, I compare the flipping abilities of the Ninja Action Leo figures from the old and new Playmates TMNT lines. It's even got flipping mpegs! Enjoy.

By the way, can you tell that I did the title images for this article on my second computer? It's interesting how the laptop display causes me to favor certain techniques over others.

Back in a few with foody goodness! Or not. Not because I won't be back, but because "goodness" is totally the wrong word to use. Totally.

-posted by Wes | 6:03 pm | Comments (2)
Happy birthday, Scary-Crayon!

It's kinda hard to believe, but today marks the two-year anniversary of Scary-Crayon's emergence on the web. Two years! Still, somehow the site's second birthday isn't quite as exciting as last year's was. That may be because last year I was sort of shocked that the site was still going strong after a year, whereas now I kind of take it for granted that Scary-Crayon will exist indefinitely, or at least until I get run over by a bus or something. That may also be because whereas last year I had been planning the site's celebratory thingamajig for weeks and had written several new articles to commemorate the occasion, lately I've been concentrating more on future additions to the site. Still, I do plan to post at least one awesome new article later this afternoon to celebrate the start of Scary-Crayon's third year. Let's just say that if you enjoyed the Pup Corn piece, you'll love this one.

In the meantime, we've got A Crayon Haiku #44 and a special guest Hot Flash from our pal Jax, the latter of which takes its cue from some of the rather disgusting shorts that appeared on the site during the 2004 holiday season. It's amazing which features have a lasting impact on people. ๐Ÿ™‚

Oh, and I'd meant to post Scary-Crayon's first ever fanfic today, but seeing as how I haven't gotten around to writing it yet, that's not gonna happen. However, I did do some of the artwork for it, so here's a preview:

''Insert witty comment here!''

Have a great day, and we'll see you again this afternoon! ๐Ÿ˜€

-posted by Wes | 11:25 am | Comments (2)
Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #74!

''That's GROSS!''

Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #74!

On the site's second birthday, Jax honors us with the guest comic that is Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #74! Because sometimes holidays at Scary-Crayon also bring illness and, well... very gross developments.  (1/25/06)

-posted by Wes | 4:11 am | Comments Off on Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #74!
January 24, 2006
Scary-Crayon with video?

Hey all -- this is just a test post. Not sure if you saw Sunday's entry, given that there was no article attached to it (if you missed it, give it a read!), but at the end of the piece I linked a video clip from Madballs: Gross Jokes. As far as I know, folks have had mixed success with the clip, with some people being able to play it and others being unable to do so (and actually, I'm able to play it on my other machine but I only get video on this one), so I'd appreciate any input y'all have on the matter. Here are another few clip tests I'm trying in search of a file format that works for the majority of readers out there while still being fairly compact:

The introduction to the live action TMNT specials "We With You a Turtle Christmas" and "Turtle Tunes" in mov and swf formats. On my end, I the swf file plays correctly (you may want to right click it and uncheck "loop", though), whereas I only get sound with the mov file. This may have something to do with my outdated version of Quicktime, though.

Two clips from Madballs: Gross Jokes, one in swf format, the other in mov. Same deal noted above, at least for me.

And if you know of any good utilities for converting to wmv or any other small and widely used file formats, I'm all ears! Ja ne, minna-san.

-posted by Wes | 2:06 am | Comments (2)
January 23, 2006

Peter Jackson's King Kong, reviewed!


Well, we finally got around to seeing Peter Jackson's King Kong remake. Read on for the official Scary-Crayon review of this unnecessarily long and pointless film that could've been summed up in a single sentence.  (1/23/06)

-posted by Wes | 5:01 pm | Comments Off on PETER JACKSON’S KING KONG!!!
Peter Jackson’s King Kong, reviewed!

And yeah, it's been in the theaters for almost two months now, but we're finally getting around to reviewing the new King Kong on Scary-Crayon -- which is only fitting since he's appeared in two Hot Flashes thus far and will be appearing in an upcoming Foodstuffs review. As you'll read, I wasn't too keen on the movie, but there's something about a giant gorilla that nevertheless makes the character hard to dislike, even when he is killing and eating people and whatnot. And because the movie's still in the theaters and not on DVD (not that I'd buy it anyway, unless I came across it in the $5.50 bin at Wal-Mart), screencaps are taken alternately from King Kong Lives, the 1986 sequel to the 1976 remake of King Kong, and the intro to Kong: The Animated Series", which I happened to record last Saturday morning. King Kong sure loves him some alligators.

And then, in Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #73, we take a trip down memory lane for a look at myself and one of my best pals back when I was in middle school. I drew this one after a conversation with some folks brought back memories of this guy and his atrocious taste in women. I'm sure you've all known someone like him (or at least seen the character in movies) -- the guy who would fuck almost anything that moves. Now, I'm not saying that a woman has to be Lacey Chabert to be worth dating, and I've certainly been attracted to women who aren't supermodels by conventional standards. But whereas my attractions have been largely due to the personalities of my respective crushes and my own personal tastes, guys like my old pal not only seemed to genuinely think that these cows were hot, but that their beauty was so obvious that everyone else on the planet would agree. He was definitely an interesting character.

Another thing about guys like this is that despite their obliviousness to any standards of beauty whatsoever, they invariably end up with the hottest girl in the school, town, etc., on their arm at one point or another. It's amazing. Not only that, but then they'll act like you're the one who finally developed some taste when you comment on it and say stuff like, "Maybe now you'll respect my taste in the future." Unreal. And then when it doesn't work out between them -- because it never does -- the guys go right back to chasing ogres as if they're Charlize Theron (whom I really don't find all that hot but she came to mind given that I just watched Mighty Joe Young the other day). Sometimes they'll even go on at length about how the latest creature that ended up in their bed is even hotter than the super gorgeous woman they previously dated. I don't get it.

Speaking of things I don't get, what the hell was up with that "beauty killed the beast" shit in King Kong? I don't know what events the characters were watching, but it looked to me like the beast was killed by a hail of gunfire and a 102-story drop. I'm just saying.

-posted by Wes | 2:32 pm | Comments (5)
Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #73!


Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #73!

One of the few things most people have in common is having had a friend who would screw almost anything that moves. As such, maybe you can relate to the flashback depicted in Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #73!  (1/23/06)

-posted by Wes | 4:10 am | Comments Off on Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #73!
January 22, 2006
Teen Titans, gone. :(

Hey y'all. Sorry I don't have a new article for you right now -- hoping to work on some stuff today for the TWO-YEAR ANNIVERSARY on Wednesday, though -- but I've been really, really depressed. Because Teen Titans is over. Okay, not really, but that's my segue into this mini commentary on the final episode of the show that I posted over on Wesoteric earlier in the week. Hopefully it'll help to tide you over until I get some new content up!

Oh, and if you make it to the end, there's a SPECIAL treat waiting for you, seeing as how I've spent the past 48 hours fooling with this and other video-related crap and feel like sharing. Yeah, you could just scroll to the bottom and snag it, but where's the fun in that? Anyway, here's that Titans review.

The final episode of "Teen Titans" aired on Monday. After five seasons, my favorite show is over.

Hello, Terra.

And as if that fact weren't sad enough, why did the last episode have to be so damned depressing? It made my heart hurt, even though it contained the revelation that Terra is, in fact, alive.

Beast Boy...

The relationship between Terra and Beast Boy, though limited to the second season, was one of my favorite things about the show. Terra was cool yet vulnerable; Beast Boy was goofy yet strong and loyal. They fit. And then Terra betrayed the team to Slade, the most vicious of villains, and gave her life to correct her mistake (or so it seemed). At the end, only Beast Boy believed in her, and she hugged him and told him that he was the best friend she'd ever had. I cried.


And now we learn, in the final episode, that Terra is alive. Joy! Joy! But wait. She wants nothing to do with the Titans. She wants nothing to do with Beast Boy. She doesn't even remember him, or so she claims. Slade, apparently still watching over the Titans and his former apprentice, returns to suggest that she doesn't remember because she doesn't want to. Terra returns and doesn't want to remember her best friend. In the final episode. What?


I enjoyed "Teen Titans" because it was a fun, oftentimes wacky show. The character development and interaction was both amusing and touching. The show had its misses -- particularly in this final season -- but its heart was always undeniable. The Titans were a team: they laughed together, cried together, fought together, won together, and held each other up when they fell. Beast Boy spent the majority of the final episode away from the team, trying to get Terra to remember things that she had apparently intentionally blocked from her mind. Things like him. Why was this the last episode? Why was the final shot of Beast Boy, alone in a hallway in the school that Terra now attends, resignedly returning to help the team -- and only because he couldn't get Terra to come with him? What is the meaning of this? Does Terra represent the network executives, who supported the show, then turned against it, then supported it again -- and then, after being quiet for a while, returned only to reject it openly? Are we Terra, who have apparently outgrown and abandoned the Titans -- or at least lack the will to join them in more of their zany adventures? I don't know, but this was a deeply depressing final episode.

The bad guys are down for the count...

Sayonara, Teen Titans. You will be missed.

And here's your reward: a minute+ long 1.70 MB wmv clip from Madballs: Gross Jokes! Also known as the greatest. show. ever. So enjoy. ๐Ÿ™‚

-posted by Wes | 5:28 am | Comments (1)
January 18, 2006



Yes, last Friday was Friday the 13th -- but here it was also FREE FOOD DAY as two local joints offered cost-free lunchtime treats to the masses. How good is free food, you ask? Join Wes in his quest to find out!  (1/18/06)

-posted by Wes | 11:11 pm | Comments Off on FREE FOOD DAY!!!
FREE FOOD DAY!!! and a Hot Flash.

Hard to believe it's been a whole week since the last update. Sorry about that, y'all! I haven't been feeling terribly well. It's not that I'm sick, and I'm not even feeling that ickiness that precedes the onset of illness -- it's more like a vague ickiness that precedes the general ickiness that precedes the onset of illness. Its only real symptom is that I've been extremely tired and my veins feel like they're filled with that slime that accompanies certain canned meats. I really don't know.

Anyway, new pieces today! The more substantial of the two, FREE FOOD DAY!!!, contains a review of the free offerings at California Tortilla and McDonald's on last Friday the 13th, as well as more general comments about the thoughts that went through my head and the sights that I saw during my adventure to attain these cost-free edibles. Also, I saw a taco man. I spoke to the taco man. The taco man did not reply. Because taco men cannot speak. This is a pretty weird piece, and I was kinda suffering from the ickiness mentioned above when I wrote it (not that I'm not suffering from it now...), so I'd be especially interested to hear what you think of it. 'Cause while subsequent articles may not even pay the lip service to the general theme that this one did, I could see doing more "adventures around town" type articles in the future.

And then there's the latest installment of Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash. Surely you've seen those ads in which the giant, talking Pop Tarts run around and try their best to avoid being eaten -- and sadly fail each time -- yes? Every time I watch one of those commercials I get sad and angry. I mean, I like Pop Tarts too, but there's no way I'd try to eat a living Pop Tart if I met one. I'd even beat the shit out of anyone who tried to take a bite out of him. I mean, think about it -- a Pop Tart that can walk and talk and fear for its life is, for all practical purposes, a human being, albeit one that looks and possibly tastes a lot like a Pop Tart. So these fuckers going after them are cannibals. Are we supposed to be rooting for them? Also, these Pop Tarts try really hard. Okay, sometimes they do dumb things like lick poles and hide in giant toasters, but in that one short they actually managed to build a rocket ship and fly to the moon -- only to be eaten by giant green one-eyed aliens. Fucked. Up. I could see if these people were scientists who wanted to study the living Pop Tarts and find out if they had organs or were being animated by other, supernatural means, but these creatures that simply want to eat them really make me angry. So in this comic, the Pop Tart finally wins. A winner is the Pop Tart. Yes.

All for now. And do remember, Scary-Crayon turns two years old one week from today! Hopefully I'll feel better and have some unique articles up to celebrate. But hopefully I'll post something else before then, too. Ja!

-posted by Wes | 1:37 pm | Comments (19)
Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #72!

''He's got your 'toasted' right here.''

Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #72!

Surely you've seen the recent Pop Tart ads featuring giant, living pastries and their failed attempts to avoid being eaten. These are the saddest commercials ever. But not so in Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #72!  (1/18/06)

-posted by Wes | 4:06 am | Comments Off on Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #72!
January 11, 2006
A Crayon Haiku #43!

Looks... appetizing.

A Crayon Haiku #43!

It's just like old times in A Crayon Haiku #43, as we check out another Scary-Crayon dessert undertaking that didn't exactly work out as I'd planned. I imagine that it tasted like kissing a smoker wearing chocolate lip gloss.  (1/11/06)

-posted by Wes | 8:05 pm | Comments Off on A Crayon Haiku #43!

Chun-Li will suck your blood!


It's true: Colonel William F. Guile and friends are back in this "Street Fighter: The Animated Series" episode review! And yes, kids, that's Chun-Li as a vampire. She's so evil. And skanky. And I think she's kinda gay...  (1/11/06)

-posted by Wes | 5:00 pm | Comments Off on THE STREET FIGHTERS RETURN!!!
Another Street Fighter cartoon review!

As promised, it's the first Spectare review of the new year: a thorough summary and analysis of "Getting to Guile", the fourth episode of "Street Fighter: The Animated Series". Couldn't you just die? I guess Chun-Li could, seeing as how she appears as a vampire in this episode. Bet that's something you never thought you'd see! Or maybe you did, seeing as how she's been known to do battle with succubi and ghosts and other such creatures of the night in Capcom's crossover games. Ah well.

Also, in keeping with our continued efforts to support the 5-7-5 syllable revolution, here's A Crayon Haiku #43. Yes, I actually did make this, and no, it wasn't on purpose. It actually tasted a lot like the s'mores I made during a camping trip, only without the coughing of ash and the increased risk of developing lung cancer. There were no marshmallows either.

Thekla Reuten as ''Debbie'' in 'Everybody's Famous'

Oh, and per the opening remarks in the "Street Fighter" review, here's an actual IM conversation between myself and a guy who apparently expected me to rip the content from or actually physically mail him my cartoon DVDs. Oh, and he also mistook me for a woman. While his rationale kind of makes sense, given that he referred to my buddy icon -- which features the character Debbie from Everybody's Famous -- it's entirely unacceptable given that he got my screen name from this site, which features several actual photographs of me and numerous sharpie-drawn illustrations. I mean, if you're going to ask a someone whom you don't even know to send you shit from his personal collection, you should at least learn enough about the person to not make that kind of mistake. And what's up with simply assuming that people are using photos of themselves as their buddy icons? For over a year my icon was a screencap of Starfire -- does that mean that people mistook me for a slender Tamaranian princess with an odd yet humorous and adorable manner of speaking? I wish I were, mind you, but still.

So this guy had actually messaged me once before and tried to convince me to do the same thing, but luckily my connection died in the course of the conversation and he was gone by the time I got back. I don't have that convo, so this is the second one. Also, in the interest of getting to the good stuff, I've excised the introductory formalities. Enjoy! And remember, if you message me and say idiotic things, I may someday post the log on SC! I did have the decency to change this fool's SN in order to protect his identity, though. Guess I'm not such a mean girl after all, eh? ๐Ÿ˜‰

Capcom Dude (1:47:37 AM): ey amigo
Capcom Dude (1:47:47 AM): what's ure a/s/l
Capcom Dude (1:47:59 AM): mine is 19/m/CA
Wes (1:48:01 AM): se/cr/et
Capcom Dude (1:48:09 AM): o c'mon
Capcom Dude (1:48:16 AM): it's not like im a stalker
Capcom Dude (1:48:17 AM): lol
Capcom Dude (1:48:31 AM): i kno ure a chick ๐Ÿ˜‰
Capcom Dude (1:49:06 AM): saw ure cute pic. ๐Ÿ˜€
Capcom Dude (1:49:16 AM): how old r u tho
Wes (1:49:16 AM): did you?
Capcom Dude (1:49:25 AM): uh huh ๐Ÿ™‚
Wes (1:49:30 AM): where?
Capcom Dude (1:49:36 AM): secret
Capcom Dude (1:49:44 AM): u tell me ure age 1st
Capcom Dude (1:49:51 AM): then ill send u my pic.
Wes (1:50:05 AM): that's okay
Capcom Dude (1:50:09 AM): j/k, it was ure DP the other day (w/ the blu hair)
Capcom Dude (1:50:16 AM): fine, ill webcam w/ u
Wes (1:50:22 AM): my DP?
Capcom Dude (1:50:26 AM): yea
Capcom Dude (1:50:30 AM): display puic.
Capcom Dude (1:50:33 AM): *pic.
Wes (1:50:34 AM): oh
Capcom Dude (1:50:39 AM): hehe
Wes (1:50:39 AM): right
Wes (1:50:48 AM): I forgot about that ๐Ÿ˜›
Capcom Dude (1:50:54 AM): k grl. r u gonna tell me ure age now
Capcom Dude (1:51:10 AM): im curious cuz u look around my age
Capcom Dude (1:51:18 AM): :-*
Wes (1:52:24 AM): it's cool
Capcom Dude (1:52:31 AM): man ure hard 2 get
Capcom Dude (1:52:36 AM): damn.....
Capcom Dude (1:52:41 AM): neways it's 1:44 AM
Wes (1:52:52 AM): yeah
Capcom Dude (1:52:54 AM): so im gonna go2 bed now
Wes (1:53:04 AM): sleep tight! :-*
Capcom Dude (1:53:10 AM): so did u wanna transfer the files 2 me 2morro
Capcom Dude (1:53:13 AM): plz. hun
Capcom Dude (1:53:15 AM): i really
Capcom Dude (1:53:19 AM): like SF a lot
Capcom Dude (1:53:28 AM): wat do u say
Wes (1:53:55 AM): I don't have the means for it
Capcom Dude (1:54:02 AM): what do u mean
Capcom Dude (1:54:07 AM): can't u do me a fave
Wes (1:54:11 AM): sorry
Capcom Dude (1:54:14 AM): i only installed AIM cuz of this
Capcom Dude (1:54:24 AM): why not tho
Capcom Dude (1:54:31 AM): i don't understand ....
Wes (1:55:12 AM): I can't rip DVDs
Capcom Dude (1:55:13 AM): im willing 2 trade nething in return w/ u if u please
Capcom Dude (1:55:30 AM): ill give u step-by-step instructions
Capcom Dude (1:55:35 AM): and the program
Capcom Dude (1:55:43 AM): u just gotta do the clicking
Wes (1:55:48 AM): my computer is way too slow for that
Wes (1:55:50 AM): sorry
Capcom Dude (1:56:01 AM): can u mail me the DVD then
Capcom Dude (1:56:04 AM): 4 Xmas
Capcom Dude (1:56:12 AM): :----)
Wes (1:56:19 AM): sorry
Capcom Dude (1:56:26 AM): huh
Capcom Dude (1:56:44 AM): plz. plz. plz. i beg u sugar
Capcom Dude (1:57:00 AM): ill do nething
Wes (1:57:02 AM): ebay, sweetie
Capcom Dude (1:57:24 AM): its costing me over $30 tho
Capcom Dude (1:57:39 AM): i hav to pay in CDN $ and S&H is 2 much
Capcom Dude (1:57:54 AM): it won't take long
Wes (1:57:54 AM): amazon.com, then
Capcom Dude (1:58:14 AM): ure the meanest grl ive ever seen
Wes (1:59:18 AM): that's what all the boys say ๐Ÿ˜‰

And for the record, if you really want to subject yourself to "Street Fighter: The Animated Series", you really can snag it on the cheap on eBay. I actually purchased both this first set and the entire DarkStalkers series for under $20 including shipping, so I'm sure you can find something suitable. Granted, that just might cost you $30+ Canadian, but jeez, each SF set contains 3 DVDs and 13 episodes. If you really want to suffer through the animated exploits of Colonel William F. Guile (and thanks to our reviews you know what you're getting into), you'll pay. There are always trade-offs in life. ๐Ÿ™‚

-posted by Wes | 5:48 am | Comments (11)
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