THAT’S SO RAVEN RACIST.

Yes, “That’s So Raven” is a terrible show, but at least it’s harmless, right? Wrong. Welcome to the Black History Month episode, in which Raven champions racist hiring practices while making a total ass of herself.  (2/28/06)

So here’s the first of those “That’s So Raven” articles I promised — a rather serious analysis of “True Colors”, the Black History Month episode. Like I say before posting all of these articles, while this is Scary-Crayon and my primary intent with the site is to entertain you folks, I do hope that occasionally my writings provide some food for thought and/or encourage you to consider things from another perspective. So read, comment, let me know what you think, etc., whether it’s general remarks about the show or comments concerning today’s deeper subject matter.

By the way, regarding the last such piece on Scary-Crayon, my Wikipedia research alerted me to the apparent fact that George Washington Carver was not the inventor of peanut butter. I find this incredibly interesting, seeing as how I’m almost certain that I was taught this information during one of the Black History Month units in elementary school. Now I’m not suggesting that teachers intentionally misinformed us in order to bolster the accomplishments of so-called “African-Americans”, but the apparent thoroughness of the curriculum research (that is, the lack of it) leads me to wonder about the sincerity of these attempts to enlighten students about “black history,” especially since I’ve never heard a compelling reason for studying it (as opposed to addressing these individuals in the context of their respective accomplishments).

Anyway, ponder and enjoy! Next time we’ll have lighter fare for you. 🙂

DON’T MESS WITH THE X-MEN!!!

X-MEN! Kids today may be playing X-Men Legends II, but this isn’t the first time the X-Men have gotten a video game sequel — and I’m not talking about Mutant Academy 2 on PSX. Behold: X-Men II: The Fall of the Mutants!  (2/25/06)

It’s been a while since we had a game review, kiddies, so here it is — a lengthy examination of X-Men II: The Fall of the Mutants. In addition to an introduction that touches on the similarities and differences between this early X-Men game and the more recent X-Men Legends II: Rise of Apocalypse and a ton of screencaps, there’s also a strategy guide of sorts to help out readers who are eager to play the game for themselves! And I totally recommend doing so. As noted in the review, you can get it from Home of the Underdogs, a gaming site with tons of abandonware games available for download. If you’re running a newer computer, you’ll have to use VDMSound or DOSBox (apparently folks prefer the former, though I’ve had far more success running old games with DOSBox). Both are commandline programs, though, so while VDMS integrates itself into the Windows shell (I can’t speak for other OSes!), you’ll probably want to use a frontend like D-Fend for DOSBox. Anyway, enjoy the review, and good luck getting the game up and running! And, um, excelsior!

Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #78!

It’s time for more knock-knockin’ humor with one of our favorite fathers in Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #78! Join Master Splinter atop a New York City rooftop as he once again shows us what a funny guy he is.  (2/21/06)

He made another funny! 😆

A Crayon Haiku #46!

It’s amazing what people will do in the name of fashion. Despite their better judgment, if a “qualified” person says something looks good, folks will go along with it no matter what. Case in point: A Crayon Haiku #46.  (2/16/06)

Hiya! We’ve got two short pieces for you this evening: A Crayon Haiku #46 and Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #76. I don’t have a whole lot else to add, but goodness, after seeing what I saw before snapping the haiku shot I really wonder what the hell is wrong with people. Or is my sense of what looks good totally off base? You tell me…

Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #76!

In Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #76, the Street Fighters return to Scary-Crayon to spread their code for the benefit of all within earshot! Will Ken finally understand? Maybe a knock-knock joke will get the point across!  (2/16/06)

CHOCOLATE DIPPED BANANAS!!!

For less than a buck, no less! In yet another review of an offering from the dollar store freezer, Scary-Crayon takes a look at Triton’s Chocolate Dipped Banana Bits. They’re the perfect V-Day treat for a gorilla girlfriend!  (2/13/06)

FLAVORED CONDOMS REVIEWED!

It’s Valentine’s Day, minna-san — and in the interest of helping you to plan tonight’s bedroom activities, your old pal Wes has taste-tested several of LifeStyles’ flavored condom offerings. Read on for the full review!  (2/13/06)

Yes, tomorrow is Valentine’s Day — and whether you’re reveling in your loving relationship or are sadly alone (*hugs*), Scary-Crayon’s here to bring you a little love with two new articles! While our brief assessment of Triton’s Chocolate Dipped Banana Bits may provide a bit of amusement and a potential gift recommendation for readers who happen to be dating gorillas, our lengthy review of not one, not two, but three varieties of LifeStyles Flavored Condoms is really the main attraction, if only because I wear bunny ears throughout the entire article for some inexplicable reason. Could the drunkenness have anything to do with it? Possibly.

I type very well when I am drunk. Anyway, happy Valentine’s Day!

P.S. Here’s another clip to try viewing at home. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

You know, I actually had to leave my room and go outside to shoot the last panel of Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #77. Like, where it’s cold and stuff. I HOPE YOU APPRECIATE IT! I’m also planning to get some special V-Day pieces up in the next couple of days, but I guess this comic’s kinda relevant to the theme of the day as well. Consider it a preview, then.

Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #77!

More out-of-order Hot Flashes, because we can do that. In Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #77, we revisit the subject of Brokeback Mountain with a new interpretation involving a budding love between two superheroes.  (2/10/06)

Warm it up
La la la la la

Seeing as how a new article went up yesterday afternoon (be sure to read that if you haven’t already), I’d intended to post Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #75 tomorrow, but I figured what the hell. What the hell, indeed, because that’s exactly what I said when I heard they were filming a movie about gay cowboys. A movie about gay cowboys! And not only that, but people are raving about it. Raving about it in a country that will fight tooth and nail to prevent gay couples from receiving conjugal rights and would probably outlaw homosexuality if the courts would allow it. Amazing.

For my part, I don’t want to see a movie about gay cowboys. This is not a serious premise. This is a “South Park” joke taken to the extreme (sans pudding). I remember a while back, around the time Titanic‘s popularity was soaring, a comedian did a bit about how taking any historical event or tragedy and turning it into a love story was a surefire way of making a box office smash — and sure enough, several films of that period employed just that technique and did surprisingly well. Nowadays, however, it seems that all you need to do is take some sort of rugged historical occupation and make the characters gay. I want to see a movie about gay samurai. Gay pirates. Gay cavemen. A silent film about gay cavemen.

I’m seriously going to write that last one.

Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #75!

I don’t know what’s more shocking — the fact that this film actually came out of Hollywood or the fact that it’s actually garnering rave reviews and winning awards. IT’S A MOVIE ABOUT FREAKIN’ GAY COWBOYS! Unreal.  (2/6/06)

RECENT COMMERCIALS I DISLIKE.

I actually got pissed off writing this article. Commercials should make me want to buy stuff, not blow up people — yet that’s exactly the effect that these recent commercials I don’t like very much had on me. Read on.  (2/5/06)