We'd seen Cobra Commander here and there before (and Timber too, I think), but it wasn't until Monte's guest article that the Joes actually had a dedicated feature on the site. That'll continue this week, as I've got a review of the new G.I. Joe movie in the works -- complete with Joe and Cobra toy comics that sum up some of my thoughts on the film. But in the meantime, here's a new Dusty Plastic HELLside comic featuring Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes. Beware if you haven't seen the movie, since it does contain (minor) spoilers!

Special thanks to Tresob Yr, by the way, since these comics would be limited to Duke and Cobra Commander were it not for his plastic aid.

Until next time... YO JOE!

And here's today's piece: a review of Black Cat from Hasbro's 2007 Spider-Man movie classics line. I don't usually go in for numerical scores here -- while I think they can be helpful, people's tendency to weight things differently leads me to question their ultimate worth -- but I decided to try them out with Felicia here. Let me know whether you think I should keep scoring toys or not! And let me know if you think the colors on the table at the end are blinding, though if I decide to keep the scores I'll probably end up making some unique scoring graphics or something. Maybe crayons... or Crayon Critters. Or Scary Faces, or evil clowns. Who knows...

Anyway, more stuff next time!

Indeed -- but first we've got a new Dusty Plastic HELLside comic for you to enjoy! Who knew Grim was well versed in beauty secrets, eh? I don't plan on adding new backgrounds to all of these comics, by the way -- only when I'm able to do so quickly and more/less easily.

As noted above, today's more substantial entry is Scary-Crayon's -- or rather, my, but "Wes's blah" struck me as a bit lame -- Five Most-Wanted Toys Unveiled at San Diego Comic-Con 2009. It's really just me rambling on about why I want specific toys, which I understand could be quite boring! Or it could be really fascinating, depending upon your point of view and how much you care about why people want certain figures. And I'm serious about what I wrote in that article -- vote for Fantomex.

Along these toyrific lines, I've got a guest Toy Haul entry over at Articulated Discussion -- so you should check that out if I don't completely bore you to death rambling about toys and why I like them in the SDCC feature. There's also a similar presentation of my latest toy haul in my personal blog, but that's more geared towards people who are fairly familiar with my obsessions but probably wouldn't be interested in further explanation regarding the Who figures -- kind of like how a girl might say, "Eee, look at my pretty new earrings!" but wouldn't necessarily proceed to tell you about the mining and refining processes involved in their creation even if she was quite knowledgeable about them. That post does, however, have photos of Bacardi! Everyone loves Bacardi.

That's all I've got for now -- stay tuned for more Scary-Crayon content! I've still got that Spectare entry to post, and I'm hoping to start reviewing those Doctor Who figures next week... but we'll see how that goes.

So, I finally settled on a name! Thanks for those of you who offered suggestions and input -- I really did consider going with HELLion, but the Hell Lion confusion seemed more appropriate for a character than a comic series (unless said comic were about the king of an infernal jungle). Anyway, I like HELLside because the name more/less exemplifies my view of these comics -- they're like fringe tales from the greater Dusty Plastic HELL universe, and also like side orders to pad the sparsely distributed main courses. In keeping with the side order thing, the title graphic also includes an order of fries. Except instead of fries, there's just fire shooting out of the carton. Yes.

Anyway, in Dusty Plastic HELLside #1, today the Grim Reaper visits Cobra Commander. Fairly simple stuff. The title is a reference to a scene in the old cartoon in which Destro happens upon Cobra Commander eating and is apparently repulsed -- prompting CC to remark, "It takes a strong stomach to watch me eat, eh Destro?" And presumably, having a strong stomach would have prevented...

The fact that all of my jokes must be explained is probably why not too many people find me terribly funny. (more...)

And here's that guest article I mentioned -- a G.I. Joe valentine-themed toy photography narrative by Monte Williams of Geek Creek! It really is a touching entry, if for no other reason than the final image, and if you've never seen the Sigma 6 valentines before you'll no doubt find those amusing as well. Storm Shadow's "Candy is sweeter than revenge!" valentine is probably my favorite, but that's not the only one that elicits a chuckle or a raised eyebrow. For instance, take Snake Eyes's "Sword brothers forever!" declaration. Given that being sword brothers hasn't kept Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow from battling each other violently and even to the death across their various incarnations, I'm not sure how much that brand of brotherhood is worth.

If you're interested in reading more of Monte's written material, he's also got Retrobate, Lowbrow Literati, and the all-new Frog Monkey Juice Box. (How's that for a name?!) All of these pages feature worthy reading, even if Monte is completely and totally wrong in his assertion that TMNT (2007) is better than Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990).

Okay, that does it for now. See y'all next time!

P.S. Still looking for input regarding the new name for Hot Flashes, and don't forget about the clown bubble challenge thingy! Read this post for more info about those.

That's what's going down in Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #114, though admittedly this fight (at least as depicted here) is strictly verbal. May the superior robotic-sounding being win!

We've still got those more substantial features I mentioned last time on the way (and speaking of which, your input is still requested regarding those matters!), but in the meantime here are some plugs. Over at Maroon X, Justin (formerly of Dyslexic Penguin) has posted a review of Seinfeld: A XXX Parody and thus saved us the trouble of watching it ourselves... not that I would have watched it anyway. If you read Justin's piece, you'll see a quote from me concerning Re-Penetrator. Now, porn does absolutely nothing for me -- I find it kinda gross even when it doesn't involve disemboweling and buckets of blood -- but the premise sounded strange enough that I thought I might want to review it for the site. And then after I nearly threw up watching it once, I realized I'd have to watch it again to review it and decided against it. I'd rather eat fucking Pup Corn than watch that video again -- just thinking about it has me feeling queasy.

Other plugs: Articulated Discussion, where I comment and serve as a guest reviewer from time to time. It's on the sidebar, but I wanted to give special attention to Updatedude's guest review of the Motion Revive Series Kamen Rider Blade figure since I think the format is kinda brilliant. I don't think I'd ever forgo text reviews completely, but I would totally like to steal borrow that format for the occasional piece. Maybe that's how I should do the Power Rangers roundup I keep meaning to write?

There's lot's more creative toy-related coolness over at Updatedude's site, Turquoise Version, including a review of the Revenge of the Fallen Soundwave figure written entirely in haiku. Considering how much I enjoy haiku, you can imagine what I think of that feature! Heck, it even makes me want to write more features in haiku... or at least see if we can't break 200 this year after all. Hrm.

Anyway, see y'all next time!

Yes -- and in today's installment, Ryu meets the Grim Reaper. I told you he'd be back! And he'll be back again and again and again and again.

I'm still calling them Hot Flashes for the time being, but I think I've narrowed it down to a few names that I want to pick -- all of them starting with "Dusty Plastic HELL" (mostly because I don't want to have to change the category title). So let me know which of the following you prefer:

Dusty Plastic HELLfire
Dusty Plastic HELLbox
Dusty Plastic HELLhole
Dusty Plastic HELLion
Dusty Plastic HELLsmoke

Personally, I'm leaning toward HELLhole, if only because it reminds me of donut holes and that goes in with the theme of the Hot Flashes being smaller, bite-sized versions of the longer Dusty Plastic HELL comics (and no, I haven't forgotten about Krang's bodily quest). HELLbox also seems appropriate in that it's a box for a tailor's scraps; it's just that that term isn't quite as widely used.

And speaking of stuff about which I'd like your input, don't forget about the Clown comic challenge thingy (right-click the link to save the image)! I've got a couple of awesome submissions from Monty/Rawpower95 of RawToys, but I need more before I can start posting these. MORE! So come on people -- let's see some creativity! Or just plain weirdness. Yep.

Another comic next time... and probably another guest article. Hooray!