And now, Scary-Crayon presents...
The Legendary Glazed Toroid Fishstick Sandwich
by: Wes

Like a number of interesting stories that you may or may not have heard in the course of your life, the tale of The Legnedary Glazed Toroid Fishstick Sandwich began with an acquisition. The Adventures of Pinocchio by Carlo Collodi began with the acquisition of an enchanted piece of wood. Gremlins began with the acquisition of a little ball of fluff named Gizmo. All superhero tales truly begin with the acquisition of powers that enable their possessors to perform superhuman feats in the name of justice. True, things happened before these events to influence their outcomes -- King Kong for example, began long before the giant gorilla acquired the pretty damsel (much longer in Peter Jackson's 2005 remake) -- but it the acquisition that starts off the central action of any good yarn. And, arguably, it is this point at which stories truly begin.

Trust the Gorton's fishermen.This story began with the acquisition of a dozen glazed donuts. The development took place in the first days of February, and the donuts were found on a supermarket rack that marked them as being overbaked -- and, as a result, they were $2 cheaper than they would otherwise have been. The packaging read "Oops! We overbaked!", but he who had acquired them simply laughed and wondered why the sticker suggested that the bakery staff was apologetic about the overbaking of the donuts, as he would have preferred to pocket the $2 than purchase perfectly baked donuts on any given day of the week. In fact, had they been full price, he likely would not have purchased the donuts -- overbaked or not. You see, although he liked donuts, he did not eat them very often.

Which is why, one month later -- nearly three weeks past the expiration date on their clear plastic encasing -- nine of the donuts remained uneaten. And so the one who had acquired them began a series of mad experiments in a desperate attempt to deplete the surplus of donuts before time transformed the glazed treats into rock-hard throwing discs: useful in a war, yes, but ultimately quite inedible -- and despite the terrifying nature of his work, the creator had always believed that the kitchen and the battlefield should remain separate. Like the majority of the culinary undertakings on Scary-Crayon, many of these donut experiments involved a frying pan and grease.

Naturally, the genesis of The Legendary Glazed Toroid Fishstick Sandwich also entailed the use of fishsticks.

Should you wish to create The Legendary Glazed Toroid Fishstick Sandwich in the comfort of your own kitchen, you will require, foremost, an edible glazed toroid -- that is, a glazed donut, though I suppose a glazed bagel would also satisfy the nominal requirement. (If you don't want to simply buy one, you could always check out online baking classes to learn how to make homemade donuts.) Because this is going to be a sandwich, you'll want to use a fork to split the donut into two halves, which you'll find is a heck of a lot easier if you are using overcooked and expired donuts, as their harder texture makes them ideal for this task. You may also wish to have a piece of cheese on hand, if you enjoy cheese in your sandwiches. Finally, you will require frozen fishsticks such as those produced by the Gorton's fishermen. Note that thish makes no sense unless each Gorton's ship is equipped with a fishstick processing mechanism, because obviously they are not fished out of the water in stick form and yet our yellow-clad fisherman friend is still clinging to the helm of his nautical vessel. In any case, take care not to eat all of your fish sticks prior to the cooking process. (Seriously. Frozen fishsticks are delicious.)

Into the grease~The Legendary Glazed Toroid Fishstick Sandwich is complete!

As noted, you'll also need a frying pan and grease to complete the job. However, your grease need not be clean. In fact, the nastier and more used it is, the better your completed version of The Legendary Glazed Toroid Fishstick Sandwich will taste. My grease was utterly disgusting. I supply that information because there's really not much else to note here -- you simply let the grease heat up for several minutes and then dump the ingredients into the pan, turning once to ensure that both sides are cooked accordingly. (Additionally, turning off the heat at this point will help to ensure that you do not burn your food.) At this point in the game, you may also wish to sprinkle the contents of the pan with as much salt and pepper as you like; in addition to seasoning your current ingredients, these spices will enhance your grease for future cooking endeavors. And if you are using cheese, aligning your fishsticks in a raft formation after flipping them and placing the slice of cheese atop -- making sure to trim it such that no portion of it dips into the grease -- will ensure that the cheese is suitably melted by the time your ingredients are cooked to perfection.

Once this is finished, you simply make your sandwich. Also, note that whereas using fresher donuts will result in a much softer and stickier final product, overcooked and expired donuts react quite well to the frying process. To that end, if you're using fresh glazed donuts, you may actually want to leave them exposed for a day or two before using them to create The Legendary Glazed Toroid Fishstick Sandwich. Similar culinary endeavors on Scary-Crayon indicate that freezing the donuts prior to frying them will also produce similar results.

It may look gross, but looks can be deceiving.Mmm-mmm good.

And that's pretty much it! Assuming you're brave enough to give The Legendary Glazed Toroid Fishstick Sandwich a try, I'd prefer to let the taste speak for itself, but the combination of sweet donut bread combined with the salty fish flavor (assuming you added salt) is pretty impressive, and the cheese adds a certain zest to the proceedings that's very difficult to describe. No matter how accustomed you are to ketchup and mayo on your fish sandwiches, there's really no need to add any additional condiments to this one, folks -- it's that good. And hey, if you don't have fishsticks on hand, you can also make a variant of the sandwich with a fish fillet. You probably want to stick with white fish, though; somehow I'm not sure this would work too well with salmon or tuna. (Using those fish to make pancakes, however, is perfectly acceptable.) In any case, bon appetit! :D

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