DON'T TALK TO STRANGERS!

Things are actually starting to wind down in the eleventh segment of The Absolute Strangest Christmas Story Ever Told. Who ever would have guessed that Santa would end up here? Nobody with a rational mind...  (12/19/06)

WHEN YOU'RE STRANGE...

If it were not a story, The Absolute Strangest Christmas Story Ever Told would be too strange for words! But it is a story, and stories usually have words, so its strangeness takes the form of words. This is the tenth part.  (12/19/06)

Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #91!

Imagine a snack aisle with Rachel Ray staring at you from almost every box with her beady eyes and Smylex-induced grin. Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #91 reveals that her recipes aren't as great as she'd like to think.  (12/19/06)

STRANGE STRANGER STRANGEST

Scary-Crayon's batshit insane holiday epic, The Absolute Strangest Christmas Story Ever Told, just keeps getting stranger. The same goes for the images that accompany the text. The ninth part has goblin shark pics!  (12/11/06)

THIS STORY IS STRANGE, DUDES.

And appropriately so -- for if it were not, how could it rightly call itself The Absolute Strangest Christmas Story Ever Told? In the eldritch eighth segment, among other things, we ponder the titles of various rooms. Yes.  (12/11/06)

IS IT ABOUT CHRISTMAS YET, PA?!

The Absolute Strangest Christmas Story Ever Told finally starts to live up to its holiday namesake as Santa steps up to take a definitive role in the seventh installment. The story's still surpassingly strange, though!  (12/11/06)

A Crayon Haiku #55!

My laptop screen drives me crazy. I try my hardest to keep it clean, but it only gets dirtier! My desktop monitor, bless its Windows-taskbar-burned-into-the-bloody-screen soul, never gave me this much grief. Have a haiku.  (12/11/06)

Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #90!

The Jagun Fighters return! Their simplicity makes them ideal for Hot Flashes, see. Anyway, in Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #90, Yamaru and, um, uh... Leech discuss the Hostess truck. The slogan is real, by the way.  (12/11/06)

A Crayon Haiku #54!

Sometimes, apparently, Gmail goes somewhere. I know this because it tells me that it has returned. But where does it go? We ponder this question briefly -- very briefly, 'cause it's a haiku -- in A Crayon Haiku #54.  (12/11/06)

SCARY THANKSGIVING CARDS!!!

Though the holiday has come and gone, we nevertheless bring you the five SCARIEST 49¢ Thanksgiving cards we could find. Intelligent turkeys, freaky triple-chinned ladies, and other horrors abound in this late review!  (11/30/06)

TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN W0T?

Anyone who claims that truth is stranger than fiction has obviously never read The Absolute Strangest Christmas Story Ever Told! Here's the spectacular sixth segment... in which things are still not making much sense.  (11/26/06)

THE CHICKEN FINGER WHAT?!?!?

And now, at long last, Scary-Crayon unveils The Chicken Finger Sundae Sandwich! Inspired by a South Park clip, this treat combines chicken and ice cream toppings with surprisingly tasty results. Read and believe.  (11/20/06)

HANG IN THERE, MARY JANE!!!

In March '06, we reviewed The Amazing Spider-Man -- an all but impossible game to finish. But since then, we've learned of a trick that gives the player an easy way to win! Hold on, Mary Jane -- Spidey's a comin'!  (10/25/06)

MORE STRANGENESS FOR YOU

Considering that Santa Claus has entered the text, the fifth part of The Absolute Strangest Christmas Story Ever Told at last has a definite connection to the titular holiday! Ponder the mysteries of Kris Kringle within.  (10/22/06)

SHADOW: DEAD RIOT IS GREAT

Scary-Crayon keeps the horror coming with this review of and spotlighted scenes from Shadow: Dead Riot. By the way, this article is totally not safe for work, as it contains pictures of breasts and fondling. Enjoy.  (10/17/06)

Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #89!

The title's kinda redundant, but who cares! Scary-Crayon brings you more psuedo Halloween-themed goodness with Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #89, which features more ghosts. DINOSAUR ghosts. RAWR.  (10/16/06)

Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #88!

Lots of things are scary, but creepy little girls with too much hair do not belong to that class. Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #88, then, is basically our way of saying WE DID NOT LIKE The Ring. But with goofy art!  (10/16/06)

Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #87!

So now they've got these new cell phone plans that give you free anytime minutes to your five favorite people. In Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #87, we observe a scene involving just such a plan! With ghosts.  (10/5/06)