NOTE: The following "poem," believe it or not, was my high school Latin III project many years ago (sans images)... And now, since the content is somewhat related to the current release of the movie Troy, and since Scary-Crayon is in some respects a "pop culture" site, I figured I'd resurrect it for your amusement. I was reluctant to place it in Crayon Poetry Corner -- it may rhyme and even be structured, but I'm extremely hesitant to call it a poem -- but it is a translation and summary of a poem, and one of the great epic poems at that... So there we are. That said, enjoy!

And now, Scary-Crayon presents...

by: Wes

(written 1999; revised 2001, 2004)

Aeneas was weary --
on this all agreed --
but he said: If y'all listen,
den I will proceed.

For ten years da sound of war rang t'rough de air; and cuz we had skills, our foes wuz gettin' scared.

We wuz killin' dem foo's, dem <expletive> Greeks, an' dey knew dey was losin', so dey had to cheat.

Dey pretended to leave, an' we thought we wuz bad but we didn't know we wuz 'bout to be had.

Meanwhile dey wuz hid on an island real close but what dey left behind wuz a horse on da coast.

But dat horse wuz hollow; all wooden and wide an' we didn't know dat dere was Greeks inside.

Some wanted to bring it inside da city But Capys said, "No foo's, t'row it in da sea!

"Or if not, den burn it, or run to da 'hood, an' come back wit some guns, an' shoot it up good."

Some agreed wit dis plan, but den some did not; we wuz now divided -- t'ings wuz gettin' hot.

But den came Laocoon -- he wuz Neptune's priest -- he sed, "What is y'all thinkin'? Get rid of dis beast!

"Don't you know 'bout dem Greeks? Ulysses an' his tricks? Dey jus' usin' dis horse to get up in our mix."

An' den he got ser'yus an' sounded all gruff; sed, "Yes, I fear dem Greeks, even when dey bring stuff."

An' he pulled out his magnum,
an' aimed it real good,
an' wit a pull of dat trigger
popped a cap in dat wood.

From inside dat horse, we heard somethin' say, "Oh!" I sed, "What da heck?" but den heard, "Hey yo!"

Dis came from some shepherds who had brought back dis kid; an' we shoulda capped him, but dat's not what we did.

Dat kid was a Greek, thus lies wuz his game; a punk <expletive> -- Sinon wuz his name.

His tale wuz so sad, betray'd on a whim; we believ'd his lie an' took pity on him.

He sed, "Trust me, dudes! I know you be illin', but if you take dis horse, den you can start chillin'.

"But beware! Pallas sed dat if one should attack dis here mighty structure, den he'd best watch his back."

An' all of a sudden -- dis sight made us quake -- we looked at da sea an' we saw deese twin snakes.

Deir eyes wuz all burnin'; blood-red crests dey had; coilin' dey came -- an' boy dey looked mad.

An' we see dem hissin', an' deir lips dey lick; we didn't waste no time, foo' -- we ran away quick.

But Laocoon's sons -- too slow were deir feet -- dem serpents jumped dem an' dey started to eat.

Dey ripped t'rough dose arms like burgers an' fries, an' nothin' was sadder den dose small boys' cries.

But dere came Laocoon, an' I heard him say, "You foo's bit my boys; now you gots to pay."

An' he pulled out his nine, but before he could blast, dose snakes wrapped him up -- yea, dey jumped on him fast.

An' he cried out too; dey was winnin' dis war; dey choked him all up an' dey soaked him wit gore.

An' wit Laocoon dead -- yes, dey had him beat -- dey went to stone Pallas, hidin' under her feet.

So when we saw dis, how he paid for his sin, we opened our doors an' we brought dat horse in.

We got so drunk dat night dat none heard da noise -- Sinon let loose dem Greeks an' dey signaled deir boys.

An' so, cuz of dat horse, an' one weak lying boy, much slaughter ensued -- an' da downfall of Troy.

But now I be tired;
jus' gimme some time --
and den maybe later
I'll continue dis rhyme.

-- Wes --

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