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Zack and Lucas are locked in battle for the right to face King SBD! Undaunted by the loss of Worm Breath, Zack summons Headley to deliver his patented "Slingshot" attack. Nate's team members brace themselves for the impact as the skull sails towards them...and then it's over. Headley's head just bounces lightly off of the opposing team and nonchalantly returns. Well, that was rather anticlimactic, and Nate and his guys are almost embarrassed that they were even remotely scared of that attack. It was so pathetic! So pathetic that they have to point and laugh. And so they do! That is, until they notice...
Yep, Headley leaked his brains all over them through that slit in the top of his skull. I guess that makes him brainless (har har), but damned if that wasn't an ingenius attack -- they're really freaking the fuck out here, and that's the name of the game. Moreover, he didn't only hit them with brains -- apparently he had a couple of eyeballs to spare in there as well. That does it for Monster Under the Bed and Spitty Cat, who subsequently run screaming from the arena. And sure, Nate's a little worried, but now it's time to break out the big guns. He's ready to finish this once and for all.
Yep, Nate calls out Frosty the Snotman to deliver the mother of all chunky sneezes. If he'd been fighting me, he damn sure would've won this Freak Out -- if by some miracle I'd been able to withstand the monster moans and stinky dentures and rancid hairballs, this would've sent me packing to get some yogurt for sure. But what's this? Zack doesn't even seem worried! In fact, he looks almost calm. But more than that -- he looks determined.
Bloody hell. He...he...bloody hell. This skeletal nizzle is one nasty grizzle, fo' shizzle. Yep, it's that bad. Bloody hell.
So yep, Skelehomie swallowed the damned chunky snot technique and turned the tables on the opposition, rapid-fire style. I'm not exactly sure why Frosty the Snotman turned tail and took off running too -- after all, it's his snot -- but then a snot creature wearing a top hat is bound to be pretty hard to figure out. So that's the end of that; but it's not over...
Eager to get things over with quickly, SBD calls in Fluffy, the giant dog you see above. And then...
Yep, he commands the dog to take a piss of oceanic proportions on his opponents. Once again, that would've been it for me. Zack, on the other hand, comes through again with some clear thinking -- again, he tells Headley to use "Slingshot", except this time Headley throws a bone. Now, why is that so clever? I'm sure you know, but let's explain with a syllogism! Ready? Here we go: 1. All dogs love bones. And Fluffy loves bones so much that he forgets all about his fearsome "Tidal Wave" and goes bounding off after the bone, out of the stadium and into the street, where he's run over by a
King SBD may have lost his favored pet, but even he'll admit that that was a pretty impressive counterattack. He slithers over to Zack's team as if to congratulate them, waits there for a moment without saying a word, and then oozes right back over to his side. Zack's team is confused, and they're not the only ones. What's going on here? But waitasecond. Remember SBD's name? Remember those letters? We never did find out what they stood for, did we...?
Yep, that's what it stands for, and there's no escaping this attack. Zack tries to hang on a little longer while his team hightails it, but there's nothing he can do, and eventually he's forced to run from the arena in defeat. Sorry, Timmy; looks like you won't be getting rescued today -- but console yourself with the knowledge that Zack did his best to save you. It's too bad his best was woefully inadequate, but keep your chin up, Tim -- there'll be other Freak Outs, right? :)
Upon being issued this challenge, King SBD and friends break out in a fit of derisive laughter, to which Lucas responds, "We'll teach you to laugh at us!!!!" Um, I think they already know how, pal. Still, SBD condescends to Lucas's offer and accepts the match in good humor, given the pitiful ragtag bunch that Lucas has assembled. From left to right: Rabid, Sour Milk, Kissyface, and Swirly. A lesser ruler would've refused to even think of fighting such low-class weaklings, but the noble King SDB gladly welcomes all challengers. So Lucas gets things started with the opening attack...
Rabid's attack, "Chocolates", apparently involves him reaching into his Easter basket and throwing handfuls of his own shit at his opponents. Again, maybe I'm just way too squeamish for the Creepy Freaks and their problem-solving Freak Outs, but that's fucking disgusting. Yet SBD and his team aren't even fazed. In fact, they're insulted.
SBD absently rattles off commands to his troops as if he doesn't even care about the outcome of the battle. And why should he? He already knows what it is, or so he thinks. So Crawley lets loose with "Bug Spray" -- except in the world of Creepy Freaks, bug spray isn't a spray to kill bugs, but rather a spray of bugs. Once again, we realize that this is a very literal world. Barbi Q and her "Fireball" attack is pretty self explanatory, but the real draw here is Bo Oger's "Pick Your Friends". Yes, he really intends to lumber over there and jam his giant gangrenous hands and crusty and entirely too long fingernails up their noses to pick their boogers for them. I've said it before and I'll say it again -- that's bloody disgusting. I'd either run like mad or attempt to kick the living shit out of Bo Oger -- and likely the latter, because that's so nasty it makes me angry. "Pick Your Friends" with Wes; you're picking a fight. Pick a trip to the hospital, sucka.
So naturally, faced with a swarm of bugs, a hail of fireballs, and the prospect of a giant ogre picking your nose, Lucas's team members lose their minds and run around like the psychologically scarred bastard children of a hundred maniacs. But wait! Is Lady Luck on Lucas's side? Could something miraculous be about to take place? Watch and be amazed!
Sour Milk and Kissyface's collision produces a spray of milk, haphazardly dousing Barbi Q and putting out her fire! SHE'S OUT!!! And Swirly happens to run smack into Bo Oger, causing him to stumble backwards and accidentally pick the nose of Crawley, who accidentally sprays him with "Bug Spray" in turn!!! THEY'RE BOTH OUT TOO!!!!!!
Shit, the boss man's mad, and you know what that means. Lucas's team cowers in fear as the great and powerful King SBD slithers over, closes his eyes, and presumably lets loose with an even deadlier version of his silent-but-deadly fart FROM HELL attack...but somehow, amazingly, Lucas's team is unfazed!!! King SBD can't believe it, and neither can I!
Yep. Lucas sniffled a few times during the episode, and now here's the payoff -- he managed to make everyone on his team sick so they can't smell the SBD. Now you can smell some things even when you've got a cold, and I'm pretty sure a fart that can literally kill people would be able to get through, but we'll let it go. So yep, Lucas and company can't smell anything, and to drive the point home Lucas lets loose with a sneeze for us. Whoop-dee-doo; what a great finish.
Yeah, we figured it out already. Lucas wins. Because he has a cold and therefore can't smell deadly farts. You know, most of that episode abandoned the creepy and leaned heavily on the gross and disgusting, but reading over that sentence there brought it back in force. There's something pretty creepy indeed about a guy who can murder you with a fart, and it's even creepier that the only way to be safe from certain death is to catch a virus from a snot-nosed little kid. Guess that explains why Bo Oger was so amped about picking people's noses -- plenty of germs up there, and if he snags the right ones he's granted himself immunity from certain kinds of terrorist attacks. File that info away, DoD.
And let's have one more anigif for the road: The fart king gets flushed -- or eaten, I should say -- and Swirly lets out a loud belch in celebration. I don't see why he didn't just do that in the first place, but whatever. Farewell, King SBD -- you smelled like shit and probably tasted like it too. Hope you enjoy your stay in the bowels of a toilet-head. By the way, how many goodbyes is this now? And how high is the body count? Way too many people have gone insane or died during this cartoon. I blame the yogurt -- guess the mystery flavors taste like tears and fresh corpses. :(
Well, anyway, Timmy's back, so I guess the gang can go home now...
Yep, apparently whatever this "peace flava" is, it's flowin' between them such that Skelehomie's gotta try to convince them to stick around. My guess, given the world of Creepy Freaks? The flow of peace flava probably isn't too different from that of snot. "Besides," Skelehomie says, "preliminaries start next week and we can win!!!" Nate rightly questions this -- but apparently the Freak Out tournament in which they just took part was only junior league. But as our main man Skelehomie puts it, "Next week you can live large with the big Creeps and Freaks!!!" With dogs that piss tsunamis and a guy letting off fatal farts in junior league matches, there's no way I'd stick around for the big leagues, but the guys seem very interested in staying to compete. Go to it, then -- I hope you all die.
Here, Spokesgirl cuts in and says that they'd love to, but they have to get home before their parents start to worry. Hey, look, it's Spokesgirl! What the hell happened to her? I'd forgotten all about her and Skelehomie: You have to spend 700 years here to use up one second on Earth! You heard what the man, er, skeleton said. 700 Creepy Freaks Years = 1 Earth Second. Apparently these kids didn't watch the first episode of Buffy Season 3 -- if they had, they'd know that that only means that they'll be long dead before anyone back home even misses them. Of course, it's possible that nobody ages in Creepy Freaks Land, but then again we've seen several creatures die and a Snoop Dogg wannabe skeleton swallow a boatload of chunky snot and spit it back like a machine gun, so I'm not too sure I'd even want to believe that explanation. These fools, on the other hand, decide to stay, and the screen fades to black as the image zooms out on the castle and Nate and Lucas bicker about the prospect of Nate borrowing Swirly for a day. Roll credits.
Oh, and apparently those poor starving monsters from the beginning of the episode are still waiting for Lucas to return. :(
BONUS!!! Hopefully you're still with us -- if you are, here's a treat before the conclusion. SPECIAL FOR U FROM THE CREEPY FREAKS THEMSELVES. Yep, here's the link to the official WizKids Creepy Freaks website, where you can do a bunch of crazy crap like view the special attacks for everyone in the game in WMV...and make your own Creepy Freaks Fill-Ins! It's basically a Mad Libs deal, and everyone loves those. Especially you. Here, check mine out:
One day, I was waiting at the Giant when Worm Breath asked me if I wanted to eat a pencil. I asked him what kind of fingernail clipping it was. He said it was indigo and octagon and that it smelled like old cheese. Then he took it out of a tupperware bowl and showed it to me. I was so icky that I blinked as fast as I could. I DESTROYED and slept, and finally ended up at the Hell. When I got home later that day, there was a quarter waiting by my front toy. When I gutted it, it had a burnt sienna trapezoid puddle of vomit inside! The note that came with it said "Don't be sticky, it's just a little bubblegum between friends!" - Worm Breath Seriously, it's wicked cool -- go make your own! And if they're especially hilarious, e-mail 'em to me. :) Alright, children, hope you enjoyed playtime! But now it's time for us to say goodbye. ;_; On with the concluding remarks, then.
So, Creepy Freaks Animation Episode, what more is there to say about you? I mean that seriously -- this cartoon was only fifteen minutes long and I took four pages and 2 MB worth of images to review it. There really ain't much more to say, folks. But I guess it could be helpful to know that they apparently went all out with the vocal talent on this short 'toon -- Scott Menville (Robin), Khary Payton (Cyborg), and Tara Strong (Raven) of "Teen Titans" were present, not to mention Phil LaMarr of "MAD TV" fame. I'm not sure whether I should be impressed or disgusted, given that the show consisted mainly of a bunch of monsters trying to one-up each other in the art of revulsion. No, I take it back -- I'm definitely disgusted. Not creeped out, mind you, but disgusted. Creepy Freaks, you didn't live up to your name at all. But for $1.50 and an excuse to write phrases like "dogs that piss tsunamis", Wes definitely forgives you.
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