And now, Scary-Crayon reviews...
Tales of Seduction by U-Jin (Part 2!)
by: Wes

Hello, minna-san, and welcome to the second installment of Scary-Crayon's special three-part review of Tales of Seduction by U-Jin! If you were with us for the first segment, you'll recall that U-Jin is an apparent master of the twisted ero-ero story and that apparently, in Japan, a narrative about a creepy and gross songwriter taking advantage of young teenage girls is considered to be a "tale of seduction"... and considering those events and that hentai often involves tentacle monsters and unwanted penetration, I guess it should come as no surprise that "RAPE" is today's secret word! So scream whenever you read it, okay? Especially if you're the woman being raped! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! That's it -- try to sound frightened.

"When a Virgin Steals a Man"

Of course, you should be frightened, ladies, what with all of those man-stealing virgins out there! Enter the second of U-Jin's fervid fictions: "When a Virgin Steals a Man -- A Judge of Toyama Adventure". And who's the Judge of Toyama, you ask? Well, with a name like that, he must be a venerable and distinguished lawman... right? No, not a rapist. Rapists can't be judges -- just ask Clarence Thomas! Damn I feel old right now.  :(

Mr. Toyama = THE MAN."When I see those cruel eyes, I could just scream!"

As the episode begins, we meet Mr. Toyama, the president of a powerful corporation or something! He drives a nice car, all of his female employees fawn over him and treat him as a god among men, and all of his male workers are game-playing nerds who would give anything to be in his shoes. Moreover, the second Toyama steps into his office, his assistant, Sakurako, begins reading his agenda for the day -- which includes meeting with just about every person of wealth and influence in Japan. In short, the first few minutes of this short are entirely devoted to emphasizing the fact that Mr. Toyama is clearly and undisputably THE MAN. I mean, really, who'd suspect him of being a rapist for hire? But let's not get ahead of ourselves! That comes later.

"Let's run away from this crazy stalker bitch!""How ugly. It wouldn't look any good on you."

In the meantime, we delve into the personal drama of Honda Sachiko, who apparently can't get over the depressing fact that her relationship with one Mr. Nakadai is over. It's his birthday, and though they're no longer dating and he wants nothing to do with her, she stakes out the lobby until she spots him (they both work for Mr. Toyama, by the way) and insistently forces the scarf she knitted for him into his hands. So as they have their conversation that basically explains all of this to the viewer, they're interrupted by Akimoto Hitomi -- Nakadai's new girl -- and off the lovers go to enjoy a birthday dinner for just the two of them. As they leave, Sachiko overhears Hitomi criticize the scarf she made and watches it go flying in the air as the lovers haplessly throw it away, tossing it into the air as they delight in their romantic joy and simultaneously laugh at how pathetic Sachiko is. And then, to add insult to injury, the scarf falls to the ground and everybody steps on it. Yep.

"What's wrong? This isn't like you.""It's a lie! She's no virgin! She's lying!"

That night, Sachiko dines with Sakurako, confiding in her friend and thereby allowing us to learn more about the situation at hand -- because despite apparently being Sachiko's best friend, Sakura-chan was totally oblivious to the unfolding drama. Yes, she knew that Sachiko and Nakadai had been engaged, but she didn't know that Nakadai had bedded her -- and then subsequently dumped her, stating that he would only marry a virgin! WTF? Already this guy has proven to be no prince -- good riddance to a man who drops women because they're no longer "pure" when he's the one deflowering them! -- but even so Sachiko is desperate to get him back and, moreover, to protect him from Hitomi! See, the reason he's with her is that she claims to be a virgin... but Sachiko's not buying it. And with good reason, seeing as how she launched her own private investigation into Hitomi's affairs and discovered that the girl is often going with multiple men at any given time. Of course, that doesn't mean that she's sleeping with them, but still. What's a girl to do?

"I know a man who will secretly rape women, for a fee.""They call him Toyama no Benbei."

Admittedly, this seems like a pretty fucked up situation from all sides, but as a friend, my advice to Sachiko would simply be to drop that zero and move on. But I'm not Sakura, who decides that the best course of action would be to have Hitomi raped by a mysterious mercenary, since that way they'd know for sure she isn't a virgin. Well! What works works, I guess. And the name of this shadowy rapist man? Toyama no Benbei. Toyama no Benbei. What? This dude totally does not care about protecting his secret identity -- it's tantamount to Superman calling himself "Kent the Superman" or Batman calling himself "Wayne the Batman". But wait! It gets better.

"Japan must work for the betterment of the entire world!"Totally. not. trying.

Following a business meeting, Sakura informs Mr. Toyama that a customer will be waiting for him at his BMW. So not only does he use his real last name in his secret rapist codename and rape his own employees -- who I'm thinking would probably recognize him, given their apparent infatuation with the boss -- but he also meets his clients at a very expensive car in the parking garage of his own building! Insane! Also, I thought it was pretty ironic that a guy who talks about how "Japan must work for the betterment of the entire world" would secretly rape Japanese citizens for copies of import video games...

"The best game in America!""Leave this to Toyama no Benbei."

...'cause seriously, that's what Sachiko brings him when they meet at his BMW after work. Also, apparently, like Clark Kent, Toyama no Benbei relies on a slightly different hairstyle and (different) glasses to hide his identity. Genius. And hey, DOES ANYONE ELSE THINK IT'S FUCKED UP THAT A JAPANESE RAPE FANTASY STORY CONTAINS SO MANY PARALLELS TO AMERICAN SUPERHERO COMICS?!?!?! Fuck, even his jacket is blue and red! Ok, enough with the feigned outrage -- let's get on with the rape.

"Get in. I'll show you a world made just for two.""You were so beautiful, I couldn't help myself."

And in truth, it's not so much a rape as it is a seduction -- which is actually appropriate, considering that the DVD is called Tales of Seduction by U-Jin! -- Toyama no Benbei simply drives up alongside Hitomi, scoops her up, and wows her with his impressive car and his poetic declarations of affection...

"I'm 20 years old, I've been kissed before.""This storm of cherry blossoms will transport you to heaven!"

...before driving to an isolated beach locale and fucking her while she cries out in ecstasy as the ocean crashes against the rocks and the spray erupts into the air in full symbolic glory. And be sure to note Toyama's tattoo -- that'll be important later! Another interesting point -- during the seduction, she keeps saying, "I'm 20, I've done this before," and statements to that effect. Given what we saw last time, I'm inclined to doubt her age, but it also emphasizes the point that she was not, in fact, a virgin, which is apparently the most reprehensible thing about this story. Not that Sachiko was a creepy stalker who couldn't let her loser fiance go, not that Nakadai was a slimeball who fucked his girl and then dumped her because she fucked him, and certainly not that the company head rapes his employees for video games, for god's sake!!! -- no. The worst thing that happens in this tale of seduction is that Hitomi lies about being a virgin. Gotta love these Japanese ethics!

"Last night Miss Akimoto had passionate sex with another man."" can't trick the Toyama cherry blossoms!"

So the next day, Mr. Toyama calls everyone involved into his office for a meeting, whereupon he criticizes Nakadai for not knowing who really loves him and accuses Hitomi of having sexual relations with another man the previous night. Hitomi, of course, denies the whole thing -- prompting Toyama to hop on the desk, call bullshit, and then reveal... THE TOYAMA CHERRY BLOSSOMS!!! "YES, IT WAS ME! I'M THE RAPIST! WA HA HA!!!" Guy's fucking nuts. What, are there no sexual harrassment or improper workplace conduct laws in Japan? I don't get it -- in America, Toyama would've been slapped with a lawsuit before he'd even finished unbuttoning his shirt.

"Miss Hitomi Akimoto, you've disrupted my company's harmony.""She's claiming to be a virgin at another company."

Following the revelation of Hitomi's unfaithfulness, Toyama fires her for disrupting the harmony of his company -- thus resolving the matter in its entirety. Later, we find out that Nakadai and Sachiko are due to be married in the spring and that Hitomi is off pretending to be a virgin at another company. So it's happy endings all around! That is, if you think that a man marrying a psychotic woman who, during the time when they weren't together, actually paid to have his lover raped constitutes a happy ending -- 'cause it sounds pretty fucked up to me. And while they keep going on and on about how awful it was that Hitomi pretended to be a virgin -- which is bad, yes, but nowhere near as bad as, say, raping people for video games -- the best thing about this ending IMHO is that she found another job, given that personal matters and being seduced by shady company presidents hardly warrant being sacked. Hell, I wouldn't want to work for that dude anyway!


And that's a wrap for "When a Virgin Steals a Man", the second story in our three-part review of U-Jin's Tales of Seduction. It's difficult to come up with closing remarks here, as I'm not exactly sure what we've learned! Perhaps, for all of the important lessons to be gleaned from this erotic cartoon, the most urgent one is that the Japanese world of hentai is not American reality and things that are perfectly acceptable and even encouraged and rewarded there would get you jailed or worse if you did them in everyday life in the U.S. Hanging out with rapists -- even wealthy rapists -- is not a good thing, and introducing them to your jilted friends is simply unacceptable. Having your romantic rivals raped will not instantly solve your relationship troubles. And powerful corporate executives take note -- no matter how much influence you have, raping your employees will not promote the harmony of your company. I know -- I totally need my own advice column. See you next time!

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