And now, Scary-Crayon presents...

A Random Lunch

by: Wes

With the rising of a cardboard sun and the reflection of a camera's flash,
we once again join Wild Boar Alien and Kain in the kitchen...


Kain: Hey there, Wild Boar Alien frie...whoa. Deja vu... Why does this seem so familiar, WB?

Wild Boar Alien: I'm not sure, Kain, but I too seem to recall a past event involving Golden Grahams...and Mexican cheese. I'd kinda chalked that one up to nightmare, but perhaps it really did happen.

Kain: Yeah, now that I think it over, my memory does seem to confirm such an occurrence, but I still can't bring myself to believe that anyone would put Mexican cheese on Golden Grahams.

Cheesy grahams AGAIN?!?!?!?!?

Wild Boar Alien: Would you believe that anyone would put American cheese on Golden Grahams?

Kain: ......... It's all coming back to me now, though I really wish it weren't... When one is immortal, sometimes one can only find comfort in the hope that unpleasant past events will someday be forgotten.

Wild Boar Alien: Even amidst the grahams and torn pieces of cheese, nuggets of insight may yet be found.

So it was that the cheesy grahams were microwaved...

Well, there we are.SOLID.

...with rather interesting results.

Kain: It's all stuck together...a self-contained block of cheesy graham horror.

Wild Boar Alien: It also has no smell whatsoever...which makes it even more frightening. At least if it had an offensive smell I could infer the terrifying nature of it.

Kain: Uh, WB, you can tell how wrong it is just by looking at it.

Wild Boar Alien: I don't have eyes, asshole.

Kain: Oh, right! Sorry about that, pal.  :(

Wild Boar Alien needs no eyes to witness the perversity...

Wild Boar Alien: Think nothing of it, Kain! I need no eyes to witness the perversity of American cheesy grahams.

Kain: Well said, my extraterrestrial comrade. But what shall we do now?

Mister Wild Boar Alien and Mister Kain don't look too happy...

Wild Boar Alien: Well, Mister Kain, if memory serves, I do believe we warned a certain someone that there would be consequences if he dared to place American cheese on Golden Grahams. Did we not do this, Mister K?

Kain: We did indeed, Mister Wild Boar Alien, and yet he chose not to take our promise to heart -- for that is what it was; we are not in the business of making threats. Are we, Mister WBA?

Wild Boar Alien: We most certainly are not, Mister K. It seems, then, that our course of action is clear.




Okay. Remember Chocolate Chip Cheese Cookies? Remember how I said they tasted kinda like cheesecake? Well it's almost the same deal here, except I'd say that the American cheesy grams tasted even more like cheesecake, because the taste of Golden Grahams is kinda similar to that of the graham cracker crust of many cheesecakes. But remember, this tastes like cheesecake after you've eaten so much cheesecake you don't care about the taste of cheesecake anymore, which is to say that it tastes like sickeningly sweet crap with just a hint of cheese and graham cracker flavor -- if you go making this expecting to recreate the amazing taste of cheesecake, you're probably going to end up disappointed and more than a little nauseated to boot. So unless you really want to play around with a stiff block of grahams and melted cheese (which admittedly was kinda cool, like a Golden Grahams S'mores bar, yet made with cheese instead of marshmallows and chocolate), and the texture of such a block appeals to you (and again, I admit that the texture was really interesting...), I'd say pass GO FOR IT. And if you don't like it, just don't eat it again.  :P

Da da da da CHEESY GRAHAMS!!!!!The bar of gold you can eat.

Oh, and if you're wondering how I survived Kain's attack...see the Golden Grahams box? It depicts a sunrise, so Kain, being a vampire, was weakened enough for me to fend him off and escape with my life...and so it was that Golden Grahams overcame being gunked up with cheese and SAVED DA DAY. Three cheers for Golden Grahams!  :D

-- Wes --

Psst...wanna make a PayPal donation to Scary-Crayon?

Just click the image above! Simple, no? ;)

Back to Scary-Crayon