AVE OPRAH Oprah is THE GREATEST PERSON EVER and isn't at all a greedy, egotistical bitch who feels the need to stick her name on everything and manipulate the masses for the purpose of increasing her fame and filling her pockets!
AVE OPRAH because it actually has useful information for women and is in no way filled with a bunch of bullshit designed to rot your capacity for independent thought and make you just another of Oprah's mindless slavering slaves!
PRAISE PHIL Even though his advice is pretty much common sense, you need Phil to tell you what to do. Why? Because he's endorsed by Oprah, and you should never ever ever do anything Oprah hasn't somehow approved! DUH!!!
AVE OPRAH by doing whatever Oprah says and buying whatever she endorses, even if that includes selling your soul in order to raise the funds to buy that hands-free vacuum thingy, because who wants to live in a dirty cardboard box?
AVE OPRAH if you ever find yourself denying the unrivaled beauty of Oprah Winfrey! If you ever see her without makeup and think, "DAMN, that bitch is hella ugly!" sever your tongue with a greasy, plastic spork and choke on it at once!