Finally... Forkless Gourmet Bun Meals have come BACK to Scary-Crayon!
Yes! It's been a long time coming, but those strange "authentic ethnic meals in a bun" are back once again to submit themselves to Scary-Crayon's scrutiny. Last time, we reviewed the Kung Pao Shrimp Bun Meal, which, despite having very few shrimp to its credit, to say nothing of who or whatever the hell Kung Pao is (I tried to research the issue on Google, but oddly enough the top result for "kung pao" and even "kung pao" "who was" is the website of some Jewish comedy event), ended up being a pretty damned good meal for something that essentially cost fifty cents and was created by a clandestine order of inventor-chefs with access to alien breadmaking technology. This time around, the Chicken with Thai Style Peanut Sauce Bun Meal is up for review -- and having previously dispensed with introductions and analysis of the Forkless Gourmet's creepy intentions, let's get right to the important stuff! That's right, folks -- it's Bun Meal time! No forks necessary.
Above, we see the bun meal fresh out of the box, still frozen and contained in its plastic wrapper, and then once more after it's been made ready for consumption through that remarkable phenomenon known as microwaving. Unlike some frozen dinners, which undergo a horrible process of mutation due to the strange vibration of water molecules induced by their several minute long sojourn in the heat box, the bun meal remains virtually unchanged. And if it looks like it's bulging strangely to you, don't be alarmed! That plumping is in no way the result of drugs, because the Forkless Gourmet's chickens are RAISED WITHOUT ANTIBIOTICS. And if you found that bloody red, boldfaced non-sequitur to be slightly discomforting, imagine how I felt when I read it at the bottom of the product's nutritional information. Well! I don't know what to make of it, but I do know that if I encountered an old man on Halloween raving about not injecting poison into Baby Ruth bars I'd probably be just the slightest bit wary of eating any candy procured on his doorstep. Proceed with caution.
And despite our better judgment, proceed we shall! So here's the Chicken with Thai Style Peanut Sauce Bun Meal, sliced open and spread like a hooker's legs on a working night. First, what you can't see -- per the nutritional info, this baby's got 310 calories, 80 of which come from fat, and a whole buncha other good stuff like 16g of protein, 10% of one's daily fiber recommendation, and a whopping 60% of the recommended daily Vitamin C intake. Not too shabby for something you could whip out of your pocket and down during a spirited jog to class or an intense high-speed police chase, depending upon your station and occupation in life. We at Scary-Crayon are not here to judge! Unless you're a bun meal, that is. Anyway, as the box description notes, in addition to all natural chicken (read: RAISED WITHOUT ANTIBIOTICS), the meal contains flavorful carrots, spinach, and sweet red peppers in the Forkless Gourmet's authentic signature Thai Peanut Sauce. But what's that, you say? It's kinda hard to see all of that here? Why don't we take a closer look, then!
So there we have it -- discounting the adjectives describing the taste of said ingredients, all of the bun meal's purported contents appear to be accounted for. But what of the complex flavors supposedly contained therein? We'll discuss that in due time, children. But first, a digression...
Take a moment to consider the tagline that adorns the Forkless Gourmet Bun Meals -- that they are "authentic ethnic meals in a bun." Now consider the fact that this is, quite possibly, an oxymoron. I mean, how authentic can an ethnic meal be if it's served in a bun? I can almost guarantee that if you go over to Thailand and order for Thai style chicken in peanut sauce, the dish you're served won't be the kind of meal you can eat one-handed without the use of any utensils and come across as having any manners whatsoever. Arguably, then, the Forkless Gourmet has set before itself an impossible task, and though it may described its products as being "authentic ethnic meals in a bun," we, as consumers, cannot reasonably expect the bun meals to make good on this claim. Also, they were procured in a dollar store freezer amidst fish sticks from South America and cheese that isn't really cheese at all. We've got no business being too picky here, people. We knew what we were getting into from the start.
And that said, the Forkless Gourmet's Chicken with Thai Style Peanut Sauce Bun Meal joins the Kung Pao Shrimp Bun Meal in receiving the coveted by absolutely no one Scary-Crayon Seal of Approval. In fact, despite containing slightly different ingredients -- namely, chicken instead of shrimp and spinach instead of celery and water chestnuts -- this particular offering managed to taste almost exactly like the previous one. So while it's no surprise that I liked it, given that I liked the other one, this does raise some serious questions about its authenticity. Sure, while true authenticity is shot to hell by the nature of the bun meal (not to mention the probable fact that it wasn't produced in Thailand and wasn't manufactured by people from Thailand), it could still qualify for some measure of authentic status -- that is, assuming that Thai style chicken with peanut sauce tastes remarkably like Kung Pao Shrimp. And never having had Kung Pao Shrimp or anything described as being "Thai style chicken with peanut sauce," I cannot say for certain whether the "complex flavors" sealed within the sheath of sesame-seed-speckled bread accurately mimic the taste of the dish for which they were named.
That's it for the second Forkless Gourmet Bun Meal review, then. To recap, while the authenticity of the Chicken with Thai Style Peanut Sauce Bun Meal is still up in the air, the taste was pretty good and didn't at all contain even the slightest hint of antibiotic flavor because the chicken diced up to fill its innards was RAISED WITHOUT ANTIBIOTICS. Actually, if you think about it, it's kinda sad. Not only was this poor fowl butchered, shoved into an alien bun, and relegated to the freezer of a dollar store to someday be eaten by someone who hasn't even the intelligence nor class to use a fork to consume its entrails, but even during life it was probably dogged by various illnesses because its wicked captors stubbornly refused to treat its infections with the appropriate medicines. Fare thee well, thou unfortunate chicken dinner -- may you find all the antibiotics you ever wanted in Heaven. :/
