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Sorry about the lack of updates last week, but I’m back this Superbowl Sunday with another piece that’s somewhat appropriate, given one of the major draws of the game for non-football fans. The title of the latest article pretty much says it all, though I think in the course of writing it I developed even more contempt for these advertising spots than I already had.
God, they’re awful. Awful, I tell you.
Andi says: Why do we give food, tasteless food, human characteristics? It’s stupid!
Anyway, all these comericals are nasty and when you reviewed/gave your opinions on them… it brought them into a new light.
How can someone do tounge-push ups? It’s sick and impossible…
the Jax says: Personally, I don’t get why the cereal company makes such a big deal about “no apples” being in the Apple Jacks. That’s like swearing up and down that there are no orange ingredients in orange juice. Hello? Why don’t we want healthy, tasty apples whenever we can get them?
Of course, all kids go through their “picky eater” phase, and I myself probably shunned apples at one point, but Mr. Cereal Manufacturer, this is NOT your target audience. Why aren’t you content to sell those kids your chocolate-marshmallow-sugar blasted brand? Why not show the triumphant capture and slaughter of the apple as it is made part of the product?
Ingredients fleeing so they can’t be eaten, I understand. Undesirable ingredients trying to get into the food and being foiled, I understand (like Foster Farms chickens). Though both of these concepts are as sick as Wes suggests, they at least make sense. But willing apples being excluded from Apple Jacks? Man, what would you have me believe I’m eating?
jeremy says: This is one funny-ass website…and the shit you write is great. That is all.
P.S., is that Bob the Goldfish on the Links frame to the right?
jeremy says: that Chef Boyardee commercial is pretty bad. I mean you have some kids chasing down the Tin Man and threatening to kill him and tear him open, all because they think he’s filled with Chef Boyardee pasta or ravioli or whatever it is.
Mat says: Heh, I don’t know how old you are but I wonder if you’ve ever seen the old MacDonalds commercials on TV? I mean the MAYOR of ‘Macdonaldville’ or where ever the hell he was mayor of was a giant cheeseburger! What was up with THAT?
The fries laughed, all the food was dancin’ and having a real good ‘ol time. Scared me then and it scares me now.
Need I mention those stupid dancing rasins? Why did anyone ever think they were cool? They were SICK!
Mat
Jeremy: That is indeed Bob the Goldfish. Waaay back when I used to run another website, I’d actually planned to include an EWJ episode guide among its contents. That never panned out, but I still had a few images scattered on my HD, so I figured I’d toss one up when I was coding SC. May eventually end up reviewing one of those old episodes on here, too, for old time’s sake. 🙂
Mat: Oh yes, I’m well acquainted with Mayor McCheese — as I am with the California Raisins. I disagree with the comment about them being sick, though; in these parts we thought they were INCREDIBLY cool. When Wendy’s (I think it was Wendy’s) offered California Raisins figurines in their kids’ meals, I practically begged to go there! Shit, my family even owns their Christmas album. And y’know what? It really is some rockin’ stuff. 🙂
Andrew Cullen says: I’ve been lookinjg for somebody to say something like that. i always watch those commercials and think to myself, hey gay is that?? So than i turn of the tv or just completly ignore it. I would really like to shake your hand Scary-Crayon guy, but for now, i hope this does it.
Jess says: I am so relieved to see that someone else was as disgusted by the pop tart commercials as I was. My mouth literally dropped open in horror when I first watched it. I then scoured the interwebs for other people that felt the same way. I thought for sure many people were as horrified by it as I was. Surprisingly, I couldn’t find anything till I stumbled on your site. It’s good to see someone out there still has a soul and a hilarious delivery to boot. I cheered when I read this and will be return reader because of it. Keep up the great stuff, Wes!
Now that you mention it, that Mini Swirlz commercial is quite disgusting. And I’d hate to be in the shoes of the kids in the Sketchers ad (no pun intended).
I myself hate the Apple Jacks commercials because they’re encouraging kids to be smug little bastards who gloat every time they win a competition of some sort. That’s exactly what the cinnamon stick is – a smug little bastard who gloats every time he wins the competition (not to mention he’s a Jamaican stereotype). And worse, the narrator keeps badmouthing the apple, telling kids that just because a guy like the apple is a constant loser makes it all right to make fun of him. WTF?! And I suppose maybe we should show no sympathy for Charlie Brown just ’cause he hardly ever wins at baseball! Sheesh! The apple’s a far more likable character and deserves to win for once if you ask me. I never saw him as a suicidal maniac, though. Maybe that’s why the cinnamon stick keeps beating him – he’s trying to tell “Bad” Apple (if that is his real name) that diving into cereal bowls isn’t worth it. And if the apple is able to live a fairly decent life as the commercial here tells us, then maybe running all the way to another person’s house just to drown oneself in milk isn’t worth it.
And yeah, the Pop-Tart ads are mean. The theme music in each one is stupid too. Makes me long for the days when Pop-Tart ads didn’t promote murder of anthropomorphic food.