March 3, 2008
A Crayon Haiku #74!

I’m pretty sure I say this every time we get a good run of haikus going, but — despite the fact that they’re not particularly substantive featurettes — I really do like seeing A Crayon Haiku thriving on the site again. After all, the Hot Flashes didn’t start until Scary-Crayon was six months old and A Random Lunch features are few and far between, but A Crayon Haiku was battle-tested and ready to lead entertain on Day One.

Anyway, in A Crayon Haiku #74, I reveal what I’ve been spending too much time doing this past month: watching “Smallville”. Which isn’t to say that it’s consumed a lot of my time — far less than, say, the “Boy Meets World” kick I was on around the time I wrote about the greatness of Trini — but it is to say that any amount of time spent watching “Smallville” is too much because the show is flipping terrible. Seriously. For those of you who don’t watch, one of the plot developments involved Lex Luthor secretly drugging Lana Lang with hormones so she’d think she was pregnant with his baby and marry him. After marrying Lex and uncovering the truth, Lana uses an unfinished clone Lex made of her — for no apparent reason — to fake her own death and escape to Shanghai (where she ends up on Nanjing Road, no less). Yes.

Anyway, I started with a handful of select episodes because my ongoing DC Comics character obsession made me curious about seeing how the Martian Manhunter and other members of the Justice League were depicted on the show, but it’s really Allison Mack as Chloe Sullivan that keeps me watching. She’s just so cute! She may even be edging in on Willow’s territory in my all-time favorite gorgeous TV sidekick rankings. I don’t understand why Clark’s so off on Lana — she’s got nothing on Chloe. Or Lois, for that matter. But then I don’t understand a lot of things about “Smallville” — like why it has to be so unbelievably terrible — so eh.

I now need a Chloe action figure.

-posted by Wes | 3:21 am | Comments (8)
  • And, I thought I was the only one who hated Smallville.

    Still your reason for watching it reminds me of the reason I tried to watch Charmed. That reason being Alyssa Milano! Still couldn’t bring myself to watch it, though.

    I think the worst shows I like are Cavemen, Martin Mystery, Yu-Gi-Oh-GX, and reruns of Sabrina: The Teenage Witch and Saved By The Bell. They’re all terrible shows, but I do love to watch them.

  • trueBLUE says:

    I seriously tried to like Charmed, but like a majority of the WB shows, they were so obnoxious and annoying. More so then UPN shows (I get that channel on digital cable in Canada).

    The WORST shows that I get a kick out of watching are Naruto, Gundam Seed, Sabrina: The Animated Series (and any other cartoon that tries to jam morals down our throats), Adventures of Juitper Lee (<-spelt right?), and that alien show by the people who did Totally Spies.

    Is it ironic that people who hate anime with a passion in this day and age, yet like classic cartoons from DiC (like Gadget, I liked it before the episodes Cree Summer stopped doing Penny’s voice) but they ignore the fact that it was ANIMATED in Japan by Tokyo Movie Shinsha? I found that just plain stupid, but then again, the internet makes you stupid.

    So Wes, when are you going to do an article on Smallville? You mentioned you hated the show in your “Best Of 2006” article, so I’m wondering when you’re going to blast that show.

  • Well, I wouldn’t call Naruto or Gundam Seed “bad” by any means. In fact, I think they’re quite good.

    One, anime that I absolutely LOVE but most would probably find annoying is .HACK// Legend Of The Twilight. I think it’s super cute, and I think the incestuous attraction between Shugo and Rena is funny and strange in an entertaining way. But, I could see where it could be considered pretty bad.

    Also, the “alien show” you mentioned is Martin Mystery.

    And, I know exactly what you mean about DiC cartoons, but what’s even weirder are people who say they hate anime but love Voltron and/or Robotech!

    I think people have this false notion that anime is something that just recently come into existence. They don’t realize that Japan has been making animation since the silent movie era, and there’s been anime on US TV since Astro-Boy hit in the early 1960s.

    One thing I recently found out through the internet that most of the Nick Jr. shows i watched were actually anime.

    Here’s a few…

    Noozles (actually it’s Fushigi Na Blinky)
    Littl’ Bits
    Adventures Of The Little Koala

    and of course…

    Grimm’s Fairy Tales (God, I miss that show. The others too, but I liked this show better even than Disney’s versions of all the Fairy Tales).

    So, I had been watching anime all my life and didn’t even know it. Although, I did suspect something when I started officially watching anime and noticed how the animation style reminded me of these shows.

  • Wes says:

    Tetsu: Try the earlier seasons of “Charmed”. They were not only quite good, but also had a genuine hotness triple-team: Shannon Doherty (yum), Alyssa Milano (mmm), and Holly Marie Combs (mhm). I admit that Holly Marie probably wouldn’t have seemed that hot solo, but somehow her two “Hollywood hot” co-stars really boosted her unique appeal. There were even times where I liked her better than either of the others.

    Anyway, I was a regular viewer until Shannon Doherty left after the third season. The whole “power of three” thing got kinda ruined when they brought in Rose McGowan (who I’ve liked in other roles, but she paled in comparison to Shannon Doherty in pretty much all respects)… and the stupidity that they introduced to compensate for Prue’s loss never really left the show. Season 1 was by far the best, though — not to mention the most emotionally affecting; I cried a little when their cop friend died in the finale — so if you only have the chance to watch one season make sure you start from the beginning.

    And yeah, I think those .HACK// shows are pretty bad — like Yu-Gi-Oh, they’re basically glorified tutorials and advertisements for the games.

    trueBLUE: See above for my thoughts on “Charmed” — if you weren’t watching it around the same time that “Dawson’s Creek” and “Felicity” were exciting and fresh (by the end, they were terrible too), you were way past the show’s window of greatness.

    I love cartoons with morals — lots of adults that I know find them pretty annoying, but it’s surprising how many of those same adults obviously failed to learn those important lessons concerning common decency.

    And when am I going to do an actual article about “Smallville”? I dunno — that would require me to be able to say something about the show that went beyond repeating how terrible and ridiculous it is ad nauseam. I guess I could see writing about it if they really up the ridiculousness for the season finale. I’ve also considered writing about the first appearance of Cyborg a few seasons back — I may still do that someday.

  • Hmm, I’ll have to look into those earlier seasons of Charmed. You’re right about that being a true sexy-trio!

    You know, interesting thing about Yu-Gi-Oh is that the early version of the manga (before there was a card game to sell) was really dark and nothing like the card-game based anime version.

    It involved Yugi playing twisted “Shadow Games” (very rarely involving cards or creatures) against bad guys where the penalty was always some sick, ironic twilight-zone-esque demise. One guy even got his soul devoured by dragons.

  • Rha says:

    Hmmmm. I know that Chloe has a huge fan base, but I never saw her “cuteness” or “sexiness” or what-have-you. Lois on the other hand is just straight up hot. And Lana is just kinda weird looking. Like a cross between an alien and gollum.

  • Wes says:

    Rha: Wow, not even Chloe’s cuteness? I can understand denying her a hotness card, but she seems undeniably adorable to me. I’d give her all kinds of hugs and cuddles.
    I definitely agree that Lois is hot, but admittedly I find hot a bit less endearing than cute.

    And while Lana does look strange and otherworldly, I wouldn’t go quite so far as to cross her with Gollum! Okay, maybe the large and glassy eyes invite certain comparisons, but even with her creepy looks she’s still far more attractive than CGI monsters. 🙂

  • I tend to prefer girls that are more toward the “cute” end of the spectrum than the “hot” end of the spectrum.

    I’ll take the adorable cuddly type over the sexy and seductive type, any day!

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