March 16, 2006
X3 is going to be terrible.

Or at least that’s my assessment after watching the trailer. I suppose that a good film was too much to expect after two depressingly less than spectacular live action outings, but with this one I swear that Hollywood is just trying to figure out how shitty an “epic” action movie (assuming X3 has a longer runtime than its predecessor) has to be before people call it what it is. I think there’s a certain length after which moviegoers will automatically conclude that a movie is good no matter what — because you know, while I can recall quite a few reviewers saying that a movie was too long, I can’t recall any recent movies that exceeded the two-hour mark that people didn’t like. Shit, people freely admitted that Jackson’s King Kong was waaay too long and still loved it. It’s possible that I’m wrong on this, though, so feel free to note some long movies that didn’t fare too well among the critics or at the box office.

Impressions of the trailer and review are also welcome. Ja!

-posted by Wes | 1:30 am | Comments (15)
  • agustinaldo says:

    1-My, you ARE a picky person when it comes to movies. You didn’t like the “X-men” movies, you didn’t like the “Spider-Man” movies, you didn’t like “Flightplan” or “Gothika”…

    You should start writing about the movies you DO like.

    2-I try not to ask too much about a movie. If it is entertaining and fun, it’s OK by me.

    I don’t LOVE the X-Men movies, but I don’t hate them with your burning passion. I think there are movies out there far more desrving of hate (“Batman Begins” and “Ultraviolet” come to mind).

    3-I liked the first “X-Men”. It was fun, and it didn’t introduce too many characters.

    “X2”, however, tried cramming 30 characers in a movie where 8 would have been enough.

    I mean, what’s the point of introducing full-fleshed characters like Colossus, Artie, Syrin , Shadowcat and Jubilee if you are gonna turn them into paper-thin cameos that serve no puprpose other trhan being a node to the fans.

    And fuck, did they really NEED to turn them into defenseless little kids?What’s the point of having mutant powers if you are not gonna use them?When Stryker’s men attack the Mansion, Coloussus was the only one smart enough to use his powers to fight them.

    Hell, Jubilee doesn’t use her powers AT ALL anywhere during the movie!

    And then there’s the thing about Pyro not roasting alive those cops…

    3-“X-Men: The Last Stand” looked fun. Sure it has some flwas, but it seemewd like brainless popcorn fun.

    On the other hand, I fear we might get more defenseless little kids in the form of Artie, Leech, Jubilee, Shadowcat and Archangel.

    And why the hell are Stacy X, Psylocke, Callisto and Multiple Man evil? They were GOOD GUYS in the comic books!

    And why are Omega Red and Juggernaut members of the Brotherhood? They were freelance villains in the comics!

    And why does Phoenix has to be DARK Phoenix? Why can’t she be a heroine?

    And if shre is indeed Dark Phoenix, why would she join Magneto? Wouldn’t she just try to kill everybody?

    STILL, the movie looks interesting enough for me to check out.

  • Wes says:

    Actually, while I wasn’t all that into the first Spidey flick (didn’t loathe it, mind you), I quite liked Spider-Man 2 — with the possible exception of Unbreakable (and maybe The Crow; it’s been ages since I saw that one), I think it’s likely the best live action superhero movie that’s ever been made. I just think that, given the obvious puberty subtext and the webbing’s analogousness to semen, Maguire’s Spider-Man is gross. 😉 I’m not terribly into Dunst as MJ either, but I don’t think that detracted much from the films at all.

    And I didn’t see Gothika — that was another flick I did not deign to see based on the utter stupidity of the trailer. Regarding my mention of that, I just don’t like Halle Berry. But yes, Flightplan was fucking disgusting.

    Still, while recent Spectare articles have focused on stuff I don’t like, there are quite a few articles that discuss films and shows that I do enjoy. In fact, Drawing Blood notwithstanding, I like pretty much anything that I give a full summary review, even if I don’t think it’s goodCampfire Stories and Prot?g? de la Rose Noire, for example. (Naked Blood, however, is amazing.) That’ll change when I review the episodes of “That’s So Raven” and “The Proud Family” that I have on deck, but still… 😉

    Despite having far fewer characters, the first X-Men film was still embarrassingly lacking in the development department, focusing primarily on Wolverine and Rogue and I guess just assuming that we’d come to give a crap about the other X-Men just because they were there. Your comment about the paper-thin Colossus, Artie, et alia also applies to Cyclops, Storm, Jean Grey, all of the villains, and so forth — sure, they got more screentime, but screentime does not equal depth. Not to mention the stupidity of the story, which wasn’t quite as dumb as that of X2 but was still quite ridiculous.

    The version of Juggernaut in X3 appears to be based on Ultimate Juggernaut, who was a mutant that did at one point join the Brotherhood. That might explain why he’s not freelance in the film (not sure about Omega Red or Dark Phoenix, though). But even Ultimate Juggernaut (while paling in comparison to the original) looked better than the crappy Ram Man variant we get in The Last Stand.

    Not looking forward to that movie.

  • Calaquin says:

    I knew this movie was going to suck as soon as I saw the S&M costumes for the bad guys.

    But this movie was doomed before a single frame was even shot. It went through like six directors and the script kept getting rewritten. I believe that Hugh Jackman demanded that there be a subplot about the love between Wolverine and Storm. Halle Berry (whom I have hated ever since Catwoman) was busy with other movies during the making of X3, and they made her role bigger.

    I’ll be skipping this and looking forward to Superman Returns.

  • Wes says:

    S&M costumes for the villains? Where? I saw a bunch of punked out teeny-bopper outfits, and Dark Phoenix’s clothing is kinda cool and gothy like, but no S&M costumes. Well, except maybe Juggernaut’s. But with black and red leather and knee-high boots? S&M costumes would have been an improvement.

    That bit about Jackman demanding a subplot about the Wolverine and Storm love affair is pretty funny, though — as if there isn’t enough going on in these movies as it is.

  • agustinaldo says:

    1-Hey, they may not have depth, but at least they get to kick ass.

    Show me ONE , just one, of the X-cameos that kicked ass. Colossus is the sole exception.

    Alas, I think Professor X, Magneto, Wolverine and Rogue had tons of depth. They just can’t try to give depth to every single characters in a movie with 10 main characters.

    But the sequel fucked that up by introducing more and more characters.

    2-Why would they base Juggernaut on the Ultimate version (ie. the remake), as opposed to the original version?

    3-Omega Red and Stacy X are not gonna be in this movie after all. In their place, we’ve got Bolivar Trask (played by a black guy here)and Arclight (as a member of the Brotherhood).

    4-One thing: why would the Brotherhood don retarded spandex costumes, while their enemies have badass leather gear?Why would they look more ridicolous than their opponents?

    As for the heroes, the spandex costumes are too fruity and childish. They don’t scream “Fear me, evildoers!” as much as they scream “I’m a retarded pervert in a Halloween party! Please beat me up!”.

    5-The X-Men are violent because humans are always hating them and trying to kill them. Remember Senator Kelly’s position at the beginning of the first movie? Remember what General Stryker tried to do with them? Or how about what the new human character, Bolivar Trask, is supposed to do with them?

    And they’re supposed to kiss the ass of the people that treat them like shit? If you ask me, they have a right to be pissed off.

    6-Please don’t mention that sick, distateful movie “Naked Blood”. It’s more vomit-inducing than “artistic”.

    I don’t want to judge you, but if you lived in Gotham, they would haul you to Arkham ASylum if you confessed likng that movie.

  • Wes says:

    Re 1: I’ll admit that those four had more depth than the other characters, but “tons”? No way. And yes, it’s difficult to give adequate attention to all of the characters in a movie with so many, but they certainly could’ve done a better job. Honestly, Wolverine takes away so much from the other characters that I probably would’ve left him out of the first flick altogether. Fanboys be damned.

    Re 2: Beats me, but that’s how it seems.

    Re 3: Two characters too many, though I can see putting Trask in the film. The guy playing Trask looks kinda like Apocalypse to me, though — if he were to do an Apocalypse turn towards the close of the movie, I think I might actually be able to stomach a fourth. Unless, of course, they fucked him up like they did poor Juggernaut…

    Re 4: Maybe not spandex, but they certainly could’ve stuck to the color schemes and/or given them legitimate costumes instead of standard punk street clothes. For Pyro, a trench coat with flames around the hem and an orange and red undershirt might even have been acceptable. Juggernaut’s costume required almost no modification, though.

    Re 5: Yes, but my point is that the X-Men in these movies are no more idealistic than Magneto and the Brotherhood, so why are they fighting? It’s certainly not to further the Professor’s dream, since he doesn’t seem to be dreaming of anything other than mutant segregation.

    Re 6: Did you actually see the movie, or did you just read my review? If the latter, I fear I didn’t do it justice. Yes, parts of it are pretty sick, but it’s really a clever film.

    And Arkham had some pretty interesting inmates, so I’d probably fit in better with them than I do among people in this society! At least until the Joker murdered me for cheating at cards, anyway. 😉

  • I just want say that my nickname in High-School was X3 and I might, just to be a pain, threaten legal action on 20th Century Fox. I wouldn’t actually go through with it. I’d just write a ridiculous letter.

    I’d also like to say that one of my biggest complaints about the X-Men movies, is the new costumes. And, I’d REALLY like to say that movie-juggernaut looks like a Ch? Aniki character!

    I’d also like to say “Naked Blood” looks like a pretty good movie to me, and is one I’d watch given the chance. No way it’s any better than “Postman’s Blues” though.

  • Wes says:

    You totally get credit for giving me an idea for the next Hot Flash.

    Postman’s Blues sounds interesting — I’ll have to look into it. Off the top of my head, though, I’d have to say that these are vastly different kinds of movies — difficult to compare head-to-head. But in the artsy foreign sci-fi category, Naked Blood is pretty tough to beat.

  • Well Postman’s Blues is arty and also from Japan, but nothing about it is Sci-Fi. It’s the tale of a mild-mannered mailman who’s two best friends are Yakuza. And, because of a mix-up involving a severed finger, the authorities mistake him for some kind of crimeboss / serial killer.

    I can send you a copy, if you like.

  • agustinaldo says:

    1-A movie where a characters chops herself up and EATS HERSELF is clever? I don’t think so.

    2-Well, the Brotherhood wants to kill all humans so mutants will rule the world. The X-Men just want the humans to leave the mutantsalone. There’s a difference.

    3-Tetsu, you described “Postman Blue’s” in one paragraph, and it already sounds better than “Naked Blood”.

    4-I’ve red “New X-Men” and played the game “X-Men: Next Dimension”, and the X-Men wear leather costumes.

    But come on, colorful skin-tight costumes make you look like a grag queen. Leather battle gear make you look badass. Did anyonje in “The Matrix” wore spandex? How about “Mad Max”, “Escape From New York” or “The Crow”?

    5-Professor X and Wolverine had pretty deep lines, and I don’t want to argue about what you undertand by “depth”.

    Also, in a movie about a team of heroes VS a team of villains, you have to develop some characters and leave others in the background.

    6-I’m not defending Juggernaut, but I think the director went with that look because:

    a) the helmet would cover too much of Vinnie Jone’s face

    b) the jacket would cover too much of Vinnie Jone’s body, therefore being unable to show his muscles to show just how buffed up Juggernaut is.

  • Jennifer says:

    There’s way too much Halle Berry in the promos for this movie to be any good.


    Here’s an article by Peter Chung (yes, the ?on Flux guy) that I think very much applies to our current conversation.

    I would have to say I disagree with his dislike of first-person narration in comics, but I think he makes some VERY interesting points.

  • Wes says:

    Yes, that was pretty interesting. In general I agree with his comments concerning the use of first person narration, though it can be effective if used sparingly or depending upon the tone/genre of the work (for example, first person narration in the Sin City books — and certain Batman comics — is in keeping with the works’ roots in and similarities to film noir). And Chung is probably right about comics having a more or less closed audience. In addition to my time at the bookstore, I did a stint in a comic shop, and pretty much the only folks buying comics were kids (who often bought comics based on television shows, e.g. Teen Titans Go! or Justice League Unlimited) and over-the-top nerds in their late 20s and up. Too bad, but then I can’t really blame folks for not wanting to get into comics. I’ve been reading more comics as of late, and lemme tell you even Marvel (or maybe especially Marvel) is putting out some deeply stupid stuff.

    More on that in the coming weeks.

  • Well I never really was one for Marvel or DC. Usually, I read Independant comics, Manga, Man-hwa, Oni-press, or Archie.

    A series I HIGHLY recommend for you is “Lunch Hour Comics”. Basically, it’s a guy who for one hour a day draws a comic-strip about whatever is on his mind. It’s VERY simular to the DPH comics that you draw about your life.

  • Andi says:

    Okay, going to admit something:

    I being a TV-show watcher of Spider-Man (old skool), TMNT (old skool), Superman, B:TAS, and X-Men… all the other 90’s shows that followed (I think I hit the ones I watched when I was younger, The Real Ghostbusters was in there but that doesn’t apply to the situation…)… I have never read the comics.

    I just got into reading the comics of most of these shows (and movies) because I liked them. Now, one of my friends is obsessed with X-Men (she owns all the Evolution DVD’s that are out and I started watching them around 3rd season) and while we saw V for Vendetta they showed the X-Men: Last Stand trailer. This very same one.

    She could name the charcters, she too also had problems with the changes and things going on with the storyline. I can’t remember exactly what she said, but if I showed her this article she’d perhaps say you hit home on it.

    I had faith in this movie because it was being done by a different director, also he said he was staying truthful to the comics. (Obviously implying “more action” meant “more faithful”.) But since you seem like a huge comic fan, you know what you are doing. And if I was at that level, I’d possibly have a website where I’d be venting out my anger, too.

    But I will keep this all in mind when I get down to reading the comics/graphic novels. I do, however, think they picked really good actors for the roles. But they have a terrible screenplay to work with.


Leave a Reply...

Back to Scary-Crayon!
Copyright © 2003-2024 Scary-Crayon. All rights reserved.