Indeed — with today’s Hot Flash, the official number of Hot Flashes finally comes to 100. For those of you who’ve been wondering what happened to me these past couple of weeks, I was away on a short trip overseas to Shanghai, China, which will likely be the focus of several Scary-Crayon features in the coming weeks. Today’s comic provides a sampling of my adventures on Nanjing Road, which I read was the definitive place to visit for shopping in Shanghai. I had no idea how far “shopping” went, however, as — in addition to the numerous people trying to sell me bootleg Rolex watches, Louis Vuitton handbags, Nike sneakers, and pirated DVDs — I was approached by roughly fifty people (you read that right, 5-0) trying to entice me into hidden massage parlors/brothels. I have the surprised “wtf” thought here because that was my reaction to the first encounter (and all such subsequent encounters, really, but still), but the “little hole” dude was actually the very last guy I met on Nanjing Road. In fact, when I angrily informed him that I was in the process of trying to hail a cab and get the hell away from that street, he showed me the proper place to stand in order to attract their attention and wished me a good night. Weird.

Anyway, the sex merchants all followed more or less the same script: first they’d offer a massage and, failing that, they’d proceed to push sex. They didn’t lower their voices or imply that their offer was anything but on the up-and-up in the least. When I met the “little hole” man, I was standing on a street corner with a pedestrian woman standing directly to my left (the merchant was on the right), and I looked right over at her when he said it and jerked a thumb in his direction as if to say, “Can you believe this dude?!” Seeing as how she just kind of smiled and nodded, I don’t think she understood him at all, which could be why the brothel spokespeople don’t feel the need to whisper when soliciting foreigners. You can say whatever you want when nobody understands what you’re saying!

What was even more amazing than the frankness and sheer number of the people who approached me, though, was their persistence. Sharpie Wes and the brothel merchant look pretty stationary because I’m lazy with the comics, but keep in mind that we were moving the entire time — these people would pretty much run up to me and walk with me until I finally convinced them that I had no interest in entering their hidden dens of corruption through my consistent and repeated refusals. But should it really have been so difficult for them to believe that a person would be uninterested in having sex with some random woman in a hidden location in a country where said person can’t even order a soda at McDonald’s because he can’t freaking read the menu?

I mean, all of the merchants seemed to be under the impression that foreigners will buy anything if the price is low enough, whether they want it or not (and admittedly I did buy several things I did not want while on Nanjing Road, though less because of the low prices than because in some cases buying something seemed like the only way to get people to LEAVE ME THE BLOODY HELL ALONE), but buying sex just isn’t the same buying as a bootleg Spider-Man 3 DVD. And while I can’t imagine ever buying sex ever, let alone under the circumstances of Nanjing Road, I suppose that they wouldn’t have been so bloody persistent and attacked in such hordes if all travelers were as unreceptive as myself. That thought both frightens and disgusts me.

Anyway, all for now — see you next time. 🙂

P.S. Is there anything about the trip that you’d be particularly interested in reading about in article format? Perhaps a more thorough discussion of my day on Nanjing Road? A roundup of all of the toys that I was able to procure? Or something else? Do let us know.