June 26, 2006
Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #83!

How I envy you if you’ve never had to deal with this type of person — the kind that introduces a recent instance from his/her life and then proceeds to tell a long, drawn out, inane, and utterly fucking pointless story that has absolutely nothing to do with said incident until the very end, at which point the story concludes exactly where it began with absolutely no illumination whatsoever concerning the defining moment. 90% of these stories begin and end with the sighting of some woman with a “bangin'” body, but you will never hear any additional details about what this bangin’ body actually entails unless you explicitly request them at the conclusion of the story — but instead of doing that I advise you to get the hell away from this person ASAP because further exposure to the stupidity could induce irreversible brain damage. “Yo I saw this bangin’ girlie the other night” is moronspeak for “get ready to hear an extremely detailed and thoroughly uninteresting recap of how my entire fucking mundane day went.” Unbelievable.

And technically this is going up late on the night of the 26th, but I’m calling it the 27th on the content pages because I can totally do that. 😉

Food article later this week, seriously.

-posted by Wes | 10:54 pm | Comments (12)
  • I think I know this guy. I think we all do.

    Usually when I hear a story like that, I try to counterattack with a pointless story of my own. But, I fear it’s completely lost on them. They just think I’m joining in.

  • agustinaldo says:

    Have you tried saying: “Please just the hell up. I have no interest whatsoever about listening on how your boring day went or that stupid baging chick.”?

  • Wes says:

    Tetsu: I am deeply saddened by your familiarity with this type of interlocutor — I had imagined (and hoped, because I do not wish this pain upon anyone) that this variety of torture was largely unique to my daily experience.

    agustinaldo: On occasion, but that’s generally considered to be impolite! Not that irritating the living daylights out of anyone with an iota of intelligence by going on and on and on about the exceedingly mundane particulars of one’s day is terribly polite (especially given the false pretenses of the retelling; such an account might be more acceptable if the speaker explicitly expressed an intent to recap his entire stupid day), but yeah.

    aosdkaoskdaoisjfsoakdas @_@

  • Wes: Thank you for your sympathy. You also have mine. We really need to start a “Victums of Long-Winded Jackasses” support group.

    agustinaldo: With me at least, it depends on whether I believe the guy is genuinely trying to be obnouxious or is just a moron who doesn’t realize what he’s doing.

  • Wes says:

    I think the problem with these fools is less that their stories are lengthy (heck, you see how long some of these reviews get, and depending upon the subject I myself am known to send e-mails upwards of four and five pages) and more that they’re thoroughly uninteresting and utterly pointless considering the aforementioned “hook” of the story. It really fucking boggles the mind.

    For instance, I saw a really attractive woman while I was out today. She appeared to be stretching and getting some fresh air, but I think she worked at a local barber shop. And lemme tell ya, looking at her kinda made me want to stop in for a trim…!

    And that’s really as far as these stories need to go. Granted, more details about the specifics of her attractiveness may or may not have been welcome — they’re not necessary to state — but there’s absolutely no need for me to preface the mention of the woman by explaining why I was out or detailing all of the fucking pointless shit that preceded my encounter with her on the sidewalk. So unless these individuals subscribe to some really sophisticated view of causal determinism that renders the description of these earlier events absolutely essential to communicating the import of the sightings of women with “bangin'” bodies, they’re fucking morons whose tongues should be violently removed to prevent them from spewing further inanity.


  • agustinaldo says:

    What is so rude about politely telling, “Please, shut up. You are boring me with all the details about your completely uninteresting day that have nothing to do with that ‘banging’ woman.”?

    And why would you listen to someone when they start drabbling like that? Just walk away and do something else, or try to start a conversation topic yourself (like how your site is going, or the new anime DVD you bought).

  • Agreed that length is not, in itself, the problem. A lengthy story can be good, if interesting. But, length can certainly make these kinds of stories worse. Listening to five minutes of rambling before getting to the point is better than two hours of said rambling, especially if the so-called “Point” is never even elaberated on.

  • RTW TV episode #1 is now posted – hope you like.

  • Wes says:

    Okay… you could’ve at least tried to work that plug into the context of the current discussion, Brian (or maybe you were consciously doing so on a meta level; I haven’t decided yet ;)), but thanks for the heads up!

  • sorry.. wasn’t a concious plug.. frankly i was too lazy to seek out your e-mail address.. – but in terms of current events on S-C.. i dug the charlie brown referrence in the personal blog.. – later.

  • R says:

    Hmm, can’t say I’ve ever had the displeasure of such a storyteller before.
    My closest experience is my longwinded friend, who happens to be the same one who suckered me into watching Transformers on my birthday and wouldn’t shut up during. The distraction was nice considering the crap of the movie, but I wonder how she stores that much air in her lungs. She’ll interrupt you when you’re talking (even if it’s to someone else), and jabber about her possible connection to the subject. She also tends to drone on about anime “bishies” and stuff…and adds her own sound effects when she acts out certain scenes from anime. No onomatopoeia is a stranger to her high-pitched voice. XD Eh…I love her to death though. Her and her beatnick beanie.

  • 3D says:

    it’s funny how people leave comment and turn it to their personal life story. no one cares. Wes I know the person you are talking about, cause it’s me…..lol

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