Next year, anyway, because today’s holiday has come and just about gone — but that doesn’t mean you can’t still read about dollar store turkey franks and snack cakes! And really, who needs Independence Day for celebration, anyway? I mean, if the holiday is supposed to symbolize our liberation from jolly old England, why should our festive joy remain bound to the observance of a mere calendar day? Eat turkey franks every day, by gum! Little Debbie cakes for breakfast! The revolution had better be televised, ’cause I’m not moving from my couch and I’ll miss that shit if they don’t put it on the tube and I’d rather watch a DVD anyway!

Er… yeah. Hope you had a happy holiday, everyone! Seeya next time. 🙂