July 12, 2006

No, Virginia, Scary-Crayon is NOT dead! Been away for a while, I know, and that food piece that I was supposed to post weeks ago was never seen… until now. The genesis of one of the most horrific Foodstuffs concoctions to date — the MONSTROUS STRAWBERRY OMELETTE WITH CHEESE AND WHIPPED CREAM SANDWICH — has finally been documented in full for your reading displeasure. Hey, at least you didn’t have to eat the mutant abomination.

Also, lucky you if you haven’t been subjected to any conversations of this nature — especially on forums in the wake of Superman’s return to the big screen. Admittedly, some of the dialogue is fabricated based on conversations that I’ve had about other superheroes, but the general core of the nerd identity is intact — a compulsion to appear extremely knowledgeable about a certain given subject and the necessity of making a positive assertion in the face of any instance in which that knowledge is shown to be lacking. Mostly, this includes simply dismissing the material as being “ghey” or otherwise discrediting it, but at times the nerd will go so far as to reiterate your own question in the form of a statement in order to avoid admitting that he/she is unfamiliar with the product in question. At others — and I didn’t document this technique in the comic because hell if I felt like doing the research required to make an assertion along those lines — they will make a tangential connection and then begin spewing trivia about said connection in an attempt to wow you and reassert themselves as definitive nerds. For example, a nerd who has not seen X-Men: The Last Stand will note that Chris Claremont had a brief cameo in the movie and then go on to detail Claremont’s entire upbringing and career progression to date. Seriously.

The line about the Legos was actually derived from a comment overheard during my brief stint at the local comic shop, by the way — in the context of a conversation that had absolutely nothing to do with Legos. I frequented Taco Bell back when they did that whole Godzilla movie promotion in 1998. Just like that, except the true nerd would also note that he/she owns every single one of the plastic collectors’ cups featuring the American bastardization of everyone’s favorite kaiju. Yes.

I’m not making any promises about things to come on the site — we see how timely this update has been — but assuming that all goes well and it’s not another two to three weeks before I write anything new, here’s a hint: EXTERMINATE!!!

-posted by Wes | 4:17 am | Comments (6)
  • Well the combination of eggs and strawberries need not be so ghastly. I know an excellent strawberry-custard recipe. (But, what a boring article THAT would be). I think I’d definately eat that sandwich if instead of cheese one were to spread some miso on a slice of that toast. IMO Everything tastes better with miso added, it’s not just for soup, you know!

    Also, am I the only one who thinks Hackman ruined the old Superman movies. I REALLY don’t like Lex Luthor being so goofy.

    As for as the ascpect of nerd behaviour you mentioned, I’ll admit to being guilty of that in high-school but thankfully grew out of it.

  • the Jax says:

    Ghastly concoction! Speaking of Anti-Food, I visited my first (and hopefully last) real White Castle restaurant a few weeks ago. The little burgers and odd side dishes tasted OK. Despite not really being hungry when I arrived, after a slow start I proceeded to jam more and more of these little horrors into my mouth, barely chewing. Between 3 people, we had about 25 burgers and 3 side orders. I felt unusual and not quite clean. Thank heaven for sweet tea in gallon jugs! If only we had this ambrosia in California.

  • Wes says:

    Tetsu: Shame on you. SHAME ON YOU. Youthfulness is no excuse for Type-7 nerd behavior. 😉

    Jax: Yeah, those White Castle burgers were always a favorite — actually, one of the photographed food articles that’s been on the back burner forever involves Kain and Wild Boar Alien’s adventure with dollar store White Castle burgers (’cause they sell them there too, seriously). There was a time and place when it seemed like White Castles were everywhere — when/where this was, I have no idea — but now, much like the unicorns and fairies and dragons that their namesake evokes, they exist only in secluded locations in the middle of nowhere.

  • Wes says:

    Also, I had no idea that miso was not just for soup. Interesting.

  • I will hang my head in shame….

    Also, yeah if you buy the actual bean-paste and not those damn instant miso-soup packets, you’ll find there’s alot of cool things you can do with miso!

    And now that you mention it my local antique store (and favourite hang-out) houses a 1950s style soda-fountian that serves White-Castle hamburgers. I’ve never eaten one though (I always go for the pizza and a chocolate malt). Of course I really do live in nowhere so I guess that explains that.

    And speaking of White-Castle, does anyone know if that “Harold and Kumar” movie is any good? I’ve been afraid to watch it when it comes on because I DESPISED “Dude, Where’s my Car?”, but I’ve been curious about that movie because I usually LOVE stupid movies about two idiots on a ridiculous adventure.

  • De says:

    I liked Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle. There’s a scene early on involving the effects of fast food tacos that still cracks me up just thinking about it.

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