No, Virginia, Scary-Crayon is NOT dead! Been away for a while, I know, and that food piece that I was supposed to post weeks ago was never seen… until now. The genesis of one of the most horrific Foodstuffs concoctions to date — the MONSTROUS STRAWBERRY OMELETTE WITH CHEESE AND WHIPPED CREAM SANDWICH — has finally been documented in full for your reading displeasure. Hey, at least you didn’t have to eat the mutant abomination.

Also, lucky you if you haven’t been subjected to any conversations of this nature — especially on forums in the wake of Superman’s return to the big screen. Admittedly, some of the dialogue is fabricated based on conversations that I’ve had about other superheroes, but the general core of the nerd identity is intact — a compulsion to appear extremely knowledgeable about a certain given subject and the necessity of making a positive assertion in the face of any instance in which that knowledge is shown to be lacking. Mostly, this includes simply dismissing the material as being “ghey” or otherwise discrediting it, but at times the nerd will go so far as to reiterate your own question in the form of a statement in order to avoid admitting that he/she is unfamiliar with the product in question. At others — and I didn’t document this technique in the comic because hell if I felt like doing the research required to make an assertion along those lines — they will make a tangential connection and then begin spewing trivia about said connection in an attempt to wow you and reassert themselves as definitive nerds. For example, a nerd who has not seen X-Men: The Last Stand will note that Chris Claremont had a brief cameo in the movie and then go on to detail Claremont’s entire upbringing and career progression to date. Seriously.

The line about the Legos was actually derived from a comment overheard during my brief stint at the local comic shop, by the way — in the context of a conversation that had absolutely nothing to do with Legos. I frequented Taco Bell back when they did that whole Godzilla movie promotion in 1998. Just like that, except the true nerd would also note that he/she owns every single one of the plastic collectors’ cups featuring the American bastardization of everyone’s favorite kaiju. Yes.

I’m not making any promises about things to come on the site — we see how timely this update has been — but assuming that all goes well and it’s not another two to three weeks before I write anything new, here’s a hint: EXTERMINATE!!!