July 29, 2012
Dear Thieving Toy Collectors,

Please stop buying action figures; removing/replacing the BAF parts, accessories, bases, and sometimes even the figures themselves; and then returning the taped up packages to the store. THAT IS STEALING.

Look, I know it sucks that companies expect you to buy an entire figure just to get a small item you want or to rebuy a figure you already paid for because it has minor changes/improvements. But stealing what you want out of the package doesn’t stick it to the man: it just makes you a bum and a scoundrel and a thief who steals toys of all goddamned things. It might also bring unhappiness to the retail workers who lose their jobs when the chain’s profits go down due to losses from vandalized merchandise; to the children who tear open their toys on Christmas morning only to find that Batman’s batarangs have all been removed; and to your fellow collectors who, being in a hurry and not noticing the missing items from the package, are now unable to display certain figures due to missing accessories or are unable to complete the BAFs of waves they did buy in their entirety because your scumbag ass stole the right arm.

Your actions also ensure that you’ll spend eternity roasting in darkness amidst action figure packages that, from a distance and in the dim light, look like awesome new figures from that wave you’ve been anticipating since last year — yet when you finally reach the figure after hours of stumbling across searing coals and white-hot spikes, you’ll find packages empty of all contents with Post-It notes affixed to their surfaces. The notes will read, “Ha ha! Got first.”

Please consider this impending punishment before you commit your next reprehensible crime against the retail establishment and toy-loving children everywhere and the toy collecting community at large.

Your pal,


-posted by Wes | 4:23 pm | Comments (3)
  • Gunwild says:

    That is so against the code! Okay, I know we haven’t written down a code, but still.

    • Wes says:

      I’m thinking we need to come up with a Norquist-style pledge for toy collectors and get folks on forums to sign it. The going would be slow — but, eventually, maybe having signed the pledge could even be a prerequisite for admission to conventions!

  • Ewan says:

    Here, Here!

    And OMG Wes from Wesotric, that’s an awesome idea! Then only us honest people will be at Cons!

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