It’s true: Genesis of the Homemade Daleks: Part 2 (!!!) is finally online. No excuses, but part of the reason I took so long with this is that the Dalek-making process continued to evolve even as I began writing the piece, including the addition of the LED lights right up through my attempt to replace the paper dome in the latest model with a rounder plastic hemisphere just this past weekend. Anyway, given that the directions are detailed in full at The Ultimate Dalek Factory, the majority of this article contains my musings about the creation process, the improvements upon the original design, my comments regarding the new colored templates themselves (along with the downloads!), and various other issues that came up during the creation of the revised paper Dalek. One thing I didn’t mention, however, is that the dollar store Fix-All Adhesive that I used in place of the craptastic glue stick at certain points (which I also used last time) is apparently known to cause cancer in the state of California. I’m not sure why it would cause cancer in California and not elsewhere, but if I happen to become violently ill and die within the next six months, you can truthfully say that I was exterminated by Daleks. Long live Skaro-Crayon.

I also wanted to add some general comments about the Dalek toys and toys in general. During my various Dalek-related web searches, I came across this article on the BBC site regarding the creation of the Doctor Who toys. It’s an interesting piece, but I think that the viewpoint expressed by Alasdair Dewar in the content — at least when taken to the extreme, which it arguably has been when one can’t find a decent Dalek toy under $30 — is exactly the reason that the toy industry is hurting. I quote:

There has to be a drive against producing cheap – but essentially poor value – goods with a logo slapped on them. … Whenever a feature film comes out there are a lot of cheap giveaway toys that appear via fast food outlets etc. Very rarely do these have any real function, play value or integrity relating to the actual film. It’s most often an existing mechanism or idea redressed. I hate that, as that really is just ‘label slapping’ and offers no long-term play or fun to the kids. … You may not get the remote control Dalek without Mum and Dad’s help, but I bet you’re still playing with it long after you get it.

And while I guess I share Dewar’s apparent disdain for cheap licensed toys — and by “cheap” I mean things that fall apart at a ginger touch, not cheap in that they aren’t remote controlled talking things with various lights and whatnot — I recall being extremely excited about getting those cheap McDonald’s Happy Meal and Burger King Kids’ Club offerings as a kid. (Hell, even now, if Dairy Queen offered cheap Dalek figurines with every Blizzard, I’d have brain freeze for days.) So maybe I’m taking Dewar’s comments too far, but I think the larger problem with toys these days is that the folks designing and marketing them aren’t thinking like kids. Simply put, today’s toys — or at least today’s “boy” toys — aren’t really for kids. I mean, just look at them. Remember the Spider-Man 2 figures, with their 39 and 46 points of articulation? I don’t know who that was for, but I don’t even think I knew what articulation meant when I was in elementary school. Many of those Spidey figures are still hanging from pegs at Toys ‘R’ Us stores across America — the ones that didn’t close for lack of business, anyway — at this very moment.

When I was a kid, sure, I got a kick out of RC gadgets and motorized toys, but contrary to Dewar’s remarks, these expensive offerings were rarely toys that I played with for very long. The one larger toy that actually had staying power in my toy collection was the Dino Riders T-Rex — and not because it advanced and roared with the flip of a button, but because the T-Rex could fairly easily be integrated into my adventures with other toys. I removed and misplaced the armor for it ages ago and the D battery that powered it calcified in place, but it’s still within eyeshot of me even as I type this article. The Shredder rode on its back as the Foot battled the TMNT in prehistoric times; it once worked for the Penguin and gnawed away at the top of the Batmobile; the McDonald’s Happy Meal Super Mario Bros. toys bounced on its back and called it Papa Yoshi as they pursued Tokka (who, for the purposes of that adventure, became King Koopa) through farthest regions of the Mushroom Kingdom.

But you can’t do that with a RC toy, which is essentially a solitary beast. You’ve got to use both hands to control the damned thing! They don’t work terribly well in situations where one would want to play with multiple toys, so they command a kid’s exclusive attention during playtime — and after I drove my cars around the cul de sac for about a week and showed them off to my three friends, they were promptly relegated to the bottom of that yellow crate in my closet. I was never keen on talking figures either — they were cool when they first appeared on the scene, but soon after getting them I stopped using their talking functions altogether. Again, it had to do with integrating them into toy adventures, and for that to happen figures have to be able to speak more than three scripted lines ad infinitum with the same freaking inflection every time. I preferred to do their lines myself.

Maybe today’s kids have changed — or maybe they’re different in the UK — and are clamoring for uber-expensive talking RC Daleks. Maybe I was (and remain, I guess!) an unusual kid. I dunno. Were I a kid today, I would’ve been happy with a silent, stationary figure that opened up to reveal the freaking Dalek mutant inside. I can move a toy with my own hands and bellow, “EXTERMINATE!” as loudly as I please (it’s kinda fun, really), but little creative touches like that go a long way towards really bringing toys to life. Toys with kung fu chopping action got old quick, but I still fondly remember Storage Shell Michaelangelo. A secret compartment to house all of the accessories — not to mention that jewel Shredder needs to complete his doomsday device — built into the figure? Pure genius, and I’m shocked that the new line hasn’t seen fit to implement this feature. The Mutations figures paled in comparison.

Seriously, out of all of the new Doctor Who merchandise, I’ve got to say that the thing I want most is the Dalek shower and bath gel. It’s cheap, it looks the part, and I imagine that the head screws off and it’s got a hollow interior, which means it could easily support a tiny Kaled mutant with a few modifications on my part. And it’s not even really a toy!

Anyway, thanks for reading — and remember to show me your Daleks! That voice you hear is your inner Davros shouting, “EXTERMINATE!!!” 🙂