October 29, 2007
Count 22: John & Chester

Bit late on this one, but it’s still sliding in before midnight EST! Two more to go until Halloween, but I’ll likely keep the count going into November — though perhaps not as a daily thing — until all of the boxes are gone. 🙂

John serves up seafood... and worse.

First up we have John, another toilet-head. We’ve already seen this mold with Potty Mouth and Swirly, but I’m still rather fond of John because toilet-heads rule. He’s also an excellent repaint. Where Swirly was pristine and Potty Mouth got a little nastier, John goes for hardcore grossness — he’s basically the nasty, grody, overflowing with sludge kind of toilet you’re likely to find at an isolated gas station or a grungy truck stop. And considering that these are precisely the kinds of places that impromptu intercourse between unshowered johns and roadside prostitutes is likely to happen, John’s name is arguably inappropriate — though fitting! — for a character in a children’s collectible game.

I’m not sure I’d call him creepy or freaky, but there’s no way in Hell I’d sit on that thing no matter how much wadded-up toilet paper was placed on the seat.

Chester rubs children the wrong way.

Chester, on the other hand, is definitely creepy and freaky — for some right and some very, very wrong reasons. He appears to be some kind of robotic alien creature emerging chestburster-style from the guts of an otherwise normal teddy bear, which is just awesome. It might even be original, as I can’t recall having seen any media where an alien burst out of a stuffed animal before. Suffice it to say that if I were a child and that really happened, it would definitely scare the crap out of me — so a toy that suggests it as a possibility is definitely on the creepy side.

That said, his name is Chester. You’ve probably heard kids singing, “Chester, Chester, child molester” for no apparent reason before, but apparently the term really is prison slang for child molester (and I’m taking this from Wikipedia — third term from the bottom in “Other uses”). Couple that with the creepy claws and the unsavory reputation that aliens have for anal probing and other kinds of icky touching and you have a figurine that is creepy and freaky for an entirely different reason that, again, is arguably inappropriate for use in a children’s collectible game. It’s possible that the creator of the figure took Chester’s name from chestburster, but given his pairing with the similarly questionable John I really find it really hard to believe that this isn’t intentional.

Can you believe that whoever came up with these things got paid?!

-posted by Wes | 11:41 pm Comments (2)
  • I tend to avoid public restrooms in general (and John is an excellent demonstration of why). You made me chuckle when you pointed out how appropriate his name is.

    As for Chester, my buddy Johnny used to sing a song called “Chester the Molester” to the tune of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”, and I haven’t thought about that in years. So actually, Chester’s name meaning molester fills me with pleasant nostalgia!

    And, I don’t think anyone’s more surprised the person who came up with these names got paid then the actual person in question. 😉

  • Fauna says:

    I’m going to say Chester’s name is intendedly based on his jumping from the bear’s chest, but the child molester thing is a damn well eerie coincidence.

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