Bits & Pieces

"Never mind the bleeding woman... KEEP PLAYING!"


...and they're all on the spine-chilling CD that is The Story of Frankenstein, Dracula, and the Wolfman! Read on, lest the disc's malformed monster, nefarious nosferatu, and wistful werewolves find their way... to your town.  (6/1/09)

Carnivore, carnivore, what do you eat?


Playmates Toys is catching a lot of flack these days, but I remember a time when the company released some of the coolest -- and zaniest -- figures on the shelf. Exhibit A: Leo as the Wolfman from the old TMNT line!  (5/18/09)

Because having a brainwashed sex slave impersonate your dead wife is soooo hawt.


Despite increasing praise from both 'net critics and fans, "Dollhouse" is not getting better. In fact, it's become quite hateful in its implicit approval of slavery and sex trafficking and shallow treatment of deep topics. Ugh.  (4/28/09)

Waitasec, you're not Juggernaut...

A Crayon Haiku #123 through 131!

With its nine poems, one might call this installment of A Crayon Haiku a haiku JUGGERNAUT! That would also be fitting, since the piece contains the big man's SC debut in superarticulated form. But ah, there's more...  (3/14/09)

Scarred and gorgeous.


The Internet fanboys hail Joss Whedon as some kind of infallible creative deity, but "Dollhouse" is hardly inspiring stuff. Given the show's multiple shortcomings, I can't see myself even growing to like it... let alone love it.  (3/3/09)

Casseticons'll getcha!

A Crayon Haiku #121 and 122!

2009 marks the 25th anniversary of Transformers -- and in this installment of A Crayon Haiku (with an awesome image created by reader Ken), Soundwave and his crew are celebrating with ORE: Other robots' Energon!  (3/3/09)

Zim will conquer the filthy stink children... oh yes.

HUMAN DISGUISE INVADER ZIM... holds the record for the fastest toy I have managed to break after removing it from the package: a whopping two (2!) seconds. That said, I hope you weren't planning to read a favorable review! This one ain't.  (3/1/09)

Those glasses are an eyewear version of a tree root.


I don't even listen to the radio, but it has been my extreme misfortune to have overheard Beyoncé's awful new song, "Diva," multiple times during the past week. What makes it so bad? Oh ho ho... just keep reading.  (2/15/09)

Reporter kicks the snot out of Foot Clan: film at 11.


Yes, April O'Neil was an ace reporter... but she was also a skilled warrior! Yet while April, the Ninja Newscaster's got the moves to stomp the Foot, she could clearly use some extra training when it comes to fashion.  (2/2/09)

You can't spell "sexagenarian" without "sex."

A Crayon Haiku #118 through 120!

It's Elisabeth Sladen's birthday, so we just had to write a few celebratory Crayon Haiku! One, anyway. Another does have Sarah Jane and K-9... but the third has nothing to do with Lis whatsoever. It's morphin' time.  (2/1/09)

Why play polo when you can play solo?


In 1987, while traveling through London town, I discovered the greatest coloring book ever. Now, over a decade later, it is my extreme privilege to share the magic and awe of Scary Faces with you. You are not ready.  (1/26/09)

"El-drad MUST live!"


It's true: Mickey Glitter has returned with a new installment of Sarah Jane Smith Fashionista Fever!... wherein we see the culmination of young Sarah Jane's cumulative fashion growth. Perfection, thy name is Andy Pandy.  (1/25/09)



Besides the folks whose trademarks are being infringed upon, who doesn't love knockoff toys? If you raised your hand, we bet the Courageous Righteous Bootleg Turtles will change your mind! They're so... amazing.  (1/25/09)

For auld lang syne, my dear...

A Crayon Haiku #111 through 117!

Let's count: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven -- SEVEN haiku! Ah ah ah ah ah. Yes, A Crayon Haiku #111 through 117 are here! Today is also Scary-Crayon's fifth birthday, so there's even a baby picture therein.  (1/25/09)

O say can you see...

A Crayon Haiku #108 through 110!

It's a haiku triple-threat on this historic Inauguration Day! Perhaps Joe Biden was right about enemies moving to test President Obama, since the Legion of Doom grows stronger by the day. Be very afraid...  (1/20/09)

Rockin' in Hulk Land.

Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #107!

Like the kids' song says, the Hulk is green green green... except when he's grey. And red! In today's comic, we visit the land of the Hulks for a closer look at Hulk interactions. Have I mentioned how much I hate BAFs?  (1/20/09)

You don't want to know what this bear does.


Should you choose to click this link, you'll find a scathing review of the worst and most vile television program I have ever seen. EVER. Also, there are screencaps, so this article probably isn't work safe. Ugh.  (1/12/09)

Shooby-doo-bop my computer love

A Crayon Haiku #104 through 107!

Multi-haiku madness returns with four more 5-7-5 syllable offerings! Dollar store pies, open laptop surgery, and toys, wonderful toys are among today's featured topics. Gotta love those post-holiday clearance sales, eh?  (1/12/09)