And now, Scary-Crayon presents…
Crayon Poetry Corner

“to kiss Donatello”
by: Wes

when i was a girl
and just starting to bleed
and flush red when boys smiled
at me in the halls
i’d fantasize about kissing a
teenage mutant ninja turtle
(my favorite was donatello)
but i never could grasp just
how it would feel.

would their mouths be
hard, like a parrot’s beak
or the plastic-framed cover
of tmnt #4 that i kept
on my dresser?
would they be rough and dry like
the dusty hide of a box turtle?
or smooth and slick like the moist
dangerous skin of a poison-dart frog?
or rubbery and flaccid like a dollar
store squish toy?
or soft and warm like the tmnt pajama
bottoms i squeezed into nightly to
feel the turtles climbing up and
enveloping my thighs?

i once stuffed myself with
pizza and wrapped my pillow in an
olive green vinyl tablecloth and softly
brushed the surface with garlic butter before
closing my eyes and pressing down with my
face and probing with my tongue and
burping and pretending that the taste of
pepperoni and tomato sauce came
from remnants i’d licked
from between donatello’s teeth
but like the first time
a boy slipped his hand into my
jeans and with hesitant fingers
groped clumsily inside
the junction felt awkward
and a little bit gross

so many years later
i still dream of turtles
of pressing my soft pink warm
saliva-moistened human lips against
whatever frames a turtle’s
pizza pie hole
and so many years later
though i’ve kissed boys and
girls (only three, in college) and
dogs and parakeets and iced animal
crackers before biting their heads off and
rings in larp sessions and
dry land after that really awful
cruise that i’d rather forget
but still i could not imagine kissing
ninja turtles to my satisfaction until
Michael Bay gave them lips.

LIPS! I know the feel and taste of lips
like those. I’ve kissed boys and
girls (just three) with lips
like those. I can imagine kissing
a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle with lips
like those.

Thank you, Michael Bay.
Now every boy I kiss
can be Donatello —
with pizza on his breath and
salmonella in his thrust

dem lips.

— Wes —

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