And now, Scary-Crayon reviews…
by: Wes
I’ve waffled on how to begin this article on Sci-Fi Speed Dating. Do I start with a brief summary of my nearly nonexistent dating history? Should I begin by setting the scene with a dramatic description of one of my more memorable encounters from the event? I have to describe the logistics of the event at some point — should I open the article with those? Or would discussing the history of the event and organization (apparently it’s featured on TLC’s “Geek Love”) make for a more appropriate introduction to the world of Sci-Fi Speed Dating as I experienced it at Awesome Con 2015?
But then, as I perused the articles written by previous participants (all women, interestingly enough; are dudes too embarrassed to admit that they’ve done this, or is Google just not coming through for me?) and the info on the Sci-Fi Speed Dating website, I recognized the absence of some information that I admittedly felt completely blindsided by when I showed up for the event. It wasn’t on any of the posters advertising the event; it wasn’t in the Awesome Con program; it apparently remained hidden even to the female daters who showed up for the event. It was, obviously, told to men who signed up for the event at the Sci-Fi Speed Dating (I really feel like I should be using an acronym for that at this point, but I’m starting to enjoy typing those words because they make me think of warp speed and Starfleet uniforms with corsages and boutonnieres) table in the exhibit hall, but I went straight to the event (I didn’t know I was supposed to sign up beforehand) and so was kept out of the loop. Anyway, the information that is apparently lacking almost everywhere is this: IF YOU ARE A MAN, SCI-FI SPEED DATING WILL COST YOU MONEY. MORE SPECIFICALLY, IT WILL COST YOU $20. But if you’re a woman, it’s totally free!
Now, I don’t resent their charging men and not women. This is definitely the type of event that would be more appealing to men than women, and the organizers need some way to keep the numbers relatively equal — so I suppose that making men pay would eliminate some men who would rather spend $20 on something other than talking to strangers in short intervals. (Hell, it very nearly eliminated me.) Also, as noted, women would probably be less inclined to attend an event like this anyway and might be especially disinclined to do so if they have to pay — and an event like this doesn’t really work without women, does it? (I don’t know how payment worked with the LGBT sessions, but kudos to Sci-Fi Speed Dating for being inclusive.) Apparently the host told the women at the event that the fee was implemented in order to deter creepers; somehow making men pay to attend would filter out those men with dishonorable designs. (Actually, I question the logic of this. If women are normally frosty to a creeper, couldn’t he be more likely to pay in order for guaranteed access to them, even if he only has three minutes to work his creeper magic on each one?) And I’ve read that the guy who runs the thing donates most of the profits to charity. But since the the rationale is mostly sensible and the philanthropy is admirable, why not just mention the fee up front?
Moreover, even if it does make sense to charge a fee, $20 seems excessive. It’s not like participants hadn’t already paid a goodly amount to get into the convention, and it’s not as if the expense of hosting the event justified the cost: considering that the chairs and space were supplied by the convention center and that the materials used were oh-so-very low tech (ballpoint pens, index cards, and printer paper), I could host a similar event for less than $20 total. Charging $20 for each male dater — which means that, since there were about 40 dudes at my session, the host pocketed $800 — seems crazy excessive. In the waiting area, where I learned about the fee — not from the event organizer and not from any signs to that effect, but from a fellow dater who had already paid it — the dude who told me offered the rationale that he’d received at the registration table: “Well,” they’d said, “how much do you usually spend on a first date?” Granted, I’m 33 years old and have only been on 3 (that’s a deliberately deflated figure I like to use because it makes people think I’m a space alien, but the actual number is still < 10) dates in my life, but the last date I went on cost me $10 total. I guess they were trying to suggest that the speed dating event was the equivalent of 40 first dates — so $20 = SUPER BARGAIN!!! — but I don’t know that 3 minutes counts as a first date and 0 * 40 = 0. Also, unlike my $10 date, no salted caramel frozen yogurt with crushed Oreo topping was served at this event.
Anyway, to reiterate, SCI-FI SPEED DATING COSTS $20 FOR (HETERO) MALE PARTICIPANTS. Cringer’s out of the bag, yo.
So now we know how much the event cost certain participants; let’s proceed to how it was run. Speed dating rules vary from venue to venue — but, as far as I can tell, the activity always plays out almost like a slightly more structured version of those get-to-know-you games from kindergarten. In the Sci-Fi Speed Dating variant — which, despite the name, was neither futuristic nor science-y in its execution — roughly equal numbers of men and women (in the hetero session I attended) are gathered in a convention room. The men and women are invited to sit in rows of chairs arranged opposite each other such that, when the men and women take their places, each dater ends up staring across at a member of the opposite sex. Each participant receives a name tag absent a proper name; instead these tags display a letter — “M” or “F” (for “male” or “female”) — and a number (mine was 7; which I enjoyed because it kinda made me sound like a secret agent). Participants are instructed to refer to themselves using these codenames for the duration of the event. Daters are also given index cards and pens so that they can take notes about the people they meet; afterwards, if they choose, they will have the opportunity to share their contact info with daters with whom they feel a connection.
And then, for participants unaware of the rules, said rules are restated: paired daters have three minutes during which to converse about whatever comes to mind, after which time the conversation must abruptly halt. Men rise and move left, sitting down in front of the woman to the previous woman’s right; women keep their places and wait as the next potential suitor seats himself. Then the clock resets. Three minutes later the men promptly migrate; once more the clock resets. And so it goes, and so it goes, until each man has had three minutes with every woman in the room. Daters then stand and move to opposite ends of the room — men on one side, women on the other. Participants are then instructed to write their numbers atop blank sheets of paper, whereupon those papers are sent over to the other side of the room. There, those daters who found certain numbers interesting can write their names and contact information on their interests’ sheets. (This part, by the way, was fucking madness.) Once that’s done, I assume (because, when I took my sheet and left, the men were still writing on the women’s sheets) the papers are passed out to their owners and participants are sent on their way. Obviously, the duration of the event will vary depending upon the number of daters in attendance, but — with 40 men and 34 women present — the session I attended ran roughly two and a half hours.
But those are just the logistics. Was the Sci-Fi Speed Dating event itself worth attending? Well, it was certainly interesting. Being forced to interact with women rapid-fire for nearly two hours with very few breaks (there were more men than women, so thankfully we men had six opportunities catch our breath opposite empty chairs) is definitely an experience that shakes a social misfit out of his comfort zone. Unlike most of the guys there, I convinced myself I was there primarily so that I could write about the event for Scary-Crayon — so I made it my mission to take some note about every woman in attendance. (I failed on two counts, but I’m still pretty proud of myself.) I imagine that my undertaking made things much more challenging on my part, but it also provided some amusement afterwards. Word of my mission spread, such that, during the part of the event where guys were writing contact info on women’s sheets, guys kept coming up to me and asking me for information about particular women (since all they’d done was write the numbers of women they found interesting). It later occurred to me that perhaps I should have been less forthcoming with that info — after all, these guys were essentially my competition — but I’m nothing if not a helpful dude.
For your amusement, here are the notes I took about the women with whom I interacted during the event. The notes weren’t all that involved — they were mostly just to remind me who was who, such that I could at least remember the tenor of our conversations if not the specifics of what we talked about — but still.
F19 — Looked young! Talked SAT prep
F37 — NuWho fan; apparently no Dexter
F31 — Odd ice-breaking joke…
F21 — Sprint; 1st timer
F34 — ?
F15 — Deadpook; mask; 1st time cosplayer
F12 — Supergirl; DP’s pal
F23 — Hogwarts girl; awful tie knot
F28 — HA cons, FX makeup
F39 — Worked SD booth; website chat
F5 — Batgirl, animated
F13 — Winter Soldier
F36 — Necklaces; classic Who
F25 — Scotch-Irish, 1st con
F17 — Ceramicist; Pet Shop
F9 — WWF
F30 — Supernatural–S5 cutoff
F18 — Green hair; comics; Buffy fan
F1 — Photos, Micronesia
F38 — OtGW
F22 — Fin. Researcher; Chinese
F32 — TARDIS
F24 — Vendor; balloon artist
F40 — (I only wrote a check mark here)
F20 — fandoms
F16 — Shadow Fax pony
F8 — Jupiter
F4 — SW charity
F7 — Loki; cosplay warrior
F11 — pen jinx girl, snorts
F3 — Minion, banana; bread = drugs
F14 — TMNT
F6 — ~Poison Ivy
F2 — style; Buffy
Those notes probably mean nothing to you (or sound especially creepy or odd; rather than explain I’ll simply let you ponder), but even a week following the event I’m chuckling as I look them over and recall certain daters and conversations. As you might guess from the list, a good number of the woman were cosplayers; their costumes tended to dominate my conversations because they were super easy conversation starters. There were a lot of women with interesting occupations and/or extracurricular activities. Of course, as expected at a convention like Awesome Con, many of the women were interested in various shows and comics and told me things about them. For instance, I learned that I should watch Supernatural, but only through the fifth season. After that, according to F30, the show gets really bad.
I also made some interesting (to me) observations about how physical proximity affected my and attraction to and interest in particular women. With nearly 40 conversations taking place in such a small space, I found it rather difficult to hear many of the women across whom I was seated. With some of them, I was able to lean in closer in order to hear them better, and I noted that I tended to have much more positive feelings about those women after our three minutes concluded. (Which isn’t to say that these instances weren’t also awkward — with one woman in particular I felt as if I was preparing to tunnel into her cleavage every time I dropped my eyes to write on my card — but in general awkwardness is a more positive feeling than rejection.) Some other women, however, were seated with one leg crossed atop their laps or were otherwise positioned such that I couldn’t move forward without feeling like I was rudely encroaching upon their personal space, which both barred me from moving closer and gave me a general impression of standoffishness on their parts. (If I’d had more time to pay attention, I’d have been curious to see whether those women sat like that the entire time or whether it was something they did to indicate their particular lack of interest in me.) Not that I was entirely innocent in that respect; I noticed that, with some women, I was more inclined to lean back in my chair than move forward. Now, in those instances it was partly because I had less trouble hearing them, but did my leaning back also stem from an subconscious lack of attraction? So I appreciate that Sci-Fi Speed Dating gave me an opportunity to ponder questions of this nature.
As I moved down the rows and especially once the dating rounds ended, I wrote check marks next to all of the women with whom I’d have liked to continue a conversation. (Aside from the one check mark indicated because it was all I wrote, I’ve left that information off of the above list.) And honestly? I wrote lots of check marks. Speed dating is weird in that it seems to suppose that one can get a good feel for a person in three minutes, or at least determine whether that person might be good dating material. And maybe that’s how it works for most people. But, for my part, I can talk to almost anyone for more than three minutes — and I would have been glad to continue chatting with most of those women whether dating was in the cards or not. So I wrote my name and e-mail address on a lot of sheets, and I probably would have written it on more if I hadn’t been overwhelmed by the tornado of guys furiously sorting through sheets and scribbling down their info during that portion of the event.
Really, the main deterrent in terms of whether I wrote my name on a sheet was the perceived ages of the participants. While the sex of my interlocutors was consistent, their ages ranged from very young (DP and Supergirl seemed fresh out of high school) to well into middle age and possibly beyond. (In case you read my note for F19 and thought I was salivating at the prospect of a recently legal conquest, I wrote that after learning that the woman had a daughter in college.) I don’t know how old the men were, but, at 33, I honestly get the feeling I was among the older guys in my group — and that might have made a difference concerning the answer sheets. As mentioned far above and in parentheses, I left the event before most of the guys got their sheets back — so I don’t know how I did in comparison — but only four women gave me their contact details, which honestly left me feeling pretty dejected. Out of 34 women only four thought I was worth talking to for more than three minutes? Sigh. I tucked the sheet into my backpack and left. I felt especially bad when the reason for my leaving was a bust: I’d hoped to catch one of the celebrity guests before the con ended that night, but the guests had already departed by the time I made it back to the exhibit hall. So I had lost my opportunity to meet someone I kinda admire and had spent the evening having largely superficial truncated conversations with women who clearly didn’t think much of me. I felt a bit better when, on the Metro ride home, I looked more closely at my list and compared it to my notes — the four who gave me their contact info were actually my four favorites (they’d gotten the hardly coveted double check marks) — but I still had no idea if anything would come of it.
And I was still out $20 — which is kind of a sticking point for me. (Remember, a substantial number the articles on this site are Dollar Tree product reviews.) If you’re a woman and can attend for free, I highly recommend trying Sci-Fi Speed Dating — if nothing else, it’ll be an interesting experience. For guys, particularly at a convention with so many other outlets vying for your dollars, I’m less inclined to recommend the event. Yes, you will almost certainly have an interesting time chatting with the various women in attendance. If you’re super shy and/or awkward around women, the event will allow you to practice socializing with the opposite sex in a low-pressure environment (despite the anxiety brought on by the constant ticking of the clock). But you’ll also be at a convention where you could just as easily hone your social skills by chatting up attendees standing in line or vendors selling adorable plushies or volunteers holding direction signs. Moreover — I’ll say it again — the event itself doesn’t justify the cost. Everything good about the event had to do with the women in attendance (none of whom was paid to be there, except perhaps F39, who actually was affiliated with Sci-Fi Speed Dating) and everything bad about the event (save the lack of guaranteed connection) had to do with how it was run — which is ostensibly what our dollars were paying for. In fact, while speed dating might make for a bunch of funny excerpts to cut together for a television show, it doesn’t seem like an ideal way to foster connections between people. (I’d probably throw a singles mixer combined with one of those info-scavenger hunts we used to have to fill out during school field trips to museums; attendees could be allowed to mingle as they liked so long as they were able to write down three facts about every member of the opposite sex in attendance. It’s just an idea — and I’m sure there would be kinks that needed to be worked out — but it might be more effective than Sci-Fi Speed Dating. And we could have snacks, which could potentially justify whatever cost we charged.)
Finally — while I keep reading about how caring the host came across to female participants (though I don’t know if we had the same host; these events take place at multiple conventions and aren’t always staffed by the same people) — I really didn’t like how he treated the guys. My first encounter with him was when, after talking to the women, he came to meet the men waiting in the hall with these words: “It’s $20 to date. If that bothers you, leave now.” Later, once everyone had paid and was seated, he said, “Guys, if you’re just here looking to get laid — please leave now. Ladies, if you’re just here looking to get laid — take your pick!!!” Laughter followed the comment — I glanced around and chuckled nervously — but I was actually rather offended by the suggestion that the men in attendance were so desperate for affection and sex that any woman in the room could pull any man in the room just like that. And honestly, I think that attitude towards the men who sign up for Sci-Fi Speed Dating is the real reason that the host charges $20 for this event. I think it’s the reason that the cost doesn’t show up on any promotional materials. (And, insofar as there’s any truth to it, it could be the reason so few men who attend are willing to publicly cop to their participation.) The host sees the men who go in for Sci-Fi Speed Dating as pathetic cretins who will pay whatever he charges out of sheer desperation — but who, for reasons of cowardice or whatever other deficiencies render them so pitiful that they need to undertake speed dating at a geeky convention to find connections in the first place, might back out if they know about the price beforehand. He might have seemed compassionate to the women, but he was an exploitative bully to the men — particularly when he paused during the speed dating to angrily bitch out the men for not lighting fires under their asses at the precise second he called time.
Of course — for all I know — the guy was just having a bad day. Perhaps running a Sci-Fi Speed Dating event is so stressful that it actually does warrant an $800 fee for two and a half hours of work. Perhaps the $20 fee really is mentioned lots of places and perhaps — somehow — I managed to overlook every single very public posting of this information. And perhaps I didn’t pay $20 solely for the opportunity to chat with strangers and pen this article. Time — and thankfully more time than three minutes — will tell.
P.S. For men, Sci-Fi Speed Dating costs $20.
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Thanks for commenting, pasquey. 🙂 Agreed about the one major advantage of speed dating — especially since I don’t know that conventions are as social for men who attend them. I’ve gotten pretty good at determining when a woman is interested in chatting with me, and that time is never (seriously), so I don’t even think of cons as social events. With the exceptions of the two people I came with, their friends, Judith Hoag (swoon), Amber Benson (swoon again), and the few vendors I chatted with while taking photos for an Awesome Con retrospective article — and a former associate of mine who was so frosty to me that the encounter felt like it was totally going to ruin my Sunday — I didn’t talk to anyone outside of the speed dating event. I think that at least some of the male daters are potentially the same way; I was familiar with a couple of those dudes (I’d met them at a RennFest Doctor Who meetup) and they barely seemed interested in exchanging pleasantries. Of course, I’m a man and they were there to meet women (and they had found out about the $20 fee in the exhibit hall and had paid it in advance), so I guess I can understand why they’d have been less than enthusiastic about chatting with me… but still.
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pasquey says:
Hrm, I wonder if conventions are just more social for cosplayers? I am a cosplayer and the people I socialized with were also cosplayers of multiple genders. They weren’t always dressed from the same series as me–it kind of adds solidarity either way, along with a guaranteed conversational starting point. This is probably also helped by the fact that I very proactively approach people–had some perfectly fun 10-minute chats just by wandering up to people who looked bored and starting talking.
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Or perhaps they’re just more social for attractive women! But the cosplayer solidarity explanation is also a possibility. That said, I cosplayed Sunday and no additional socialization resulted from it — only two people even realized I *was* in costume (and one of those people guessed wrong). Granted, it was a fairly casual cosplay, but still. Even at a panel for the series in which the character I was cosplaying appeared regularly — and at a convention featuring multiple cosplayers from and tons of people wearing t-shirts featuring said property — only the one person appeared to recognize my outfit. Of course, I didn’t cosplay for the attention, but the near-total lack of recognition was still slightly disappointing. Ah well! I guess I just need to carry identifying props next time.
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Cap says:
Hon, you seem a little whiny. I don’t know what you were expecting, but it seems like you had a pretty good experience. After all, you got four numbers out of it, so way to go!
Honestly, I think that the $20 fee is reasonable. Try to remember that not all guys are nice, and that in general, women have to be more careful. The $20 fee is probably to keep out guys who just want to bother us. They’ll treat the whole thing as a joke, and be a creep if it’s convenient. The $20 fee makes it inconvenient, so they’ll be more likely to find cheaper fun somewhere else. Also, how much does a first date cost? Usually more than $20, so think of it like that.
As for your comment that only four women “thought I was worth talking to for more than three minutes,” is that really what you think? You think just because a woman doesn’t want to give you her number after a 3 minute conversation that she doesn’t think you’re worth talking to for another minute? Maybe instead you should be grateful that four women thought you were worth the risk, because it was a risk on their part. And remember, you might not have been there to date, but other people were. Some women might have been interested in talking more, but not dating, so didn’t want to give you the wrong impression by giving you their number.
By the way, I went to one of the LGBT sessions, and if we had the same Deadpool host, then I definitely agree that he’s a jerk. He seems to think he’s funny, but isn’t, like most obnoxious Deadpool cosplayers.
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Thank you for commenting, Cap! Question re: the LGBT dating — how much did that cost (and who paid)?
In any case, yeah, I’ll cop to being a little whiny — though admittedly that also has to do with my reviewing philosophy. As a reviewer, while I don’t feel inclined to ignore the merits of a product or service insofar as the product deserves praise for them, I feel it’s my duty to highlight a product’s shortcomings. After all, the promoter (etc) isn’t going to advertise the failings of his wares! So whereas some reviewers prefer to highlight the positive aspects of the review subject, in keeping with that general trend towards positivity and all that jazz, I tend to place more emphasis on dishing the dirt you won’t hear from sources looking to line their pockets.
I’m also especially inclined to harp on salient information that I feel is suspiciously and inexplicably absent — here, the $20 fee — in order to make sure that my readers don’t leave Scary-Crayon unawares. While I went ahead and paid the $20, I can guarantee that I wouldn’t even have bothered with Sci-Fi Speed Dating had I known about the fee in advance.
And I don’t know that “grateful” is quite the right word, but I am appreciative that four women saw fit to give me their contact info. Also, I was there to date… but perhaps my dating philosophy is different? Actually, my dating philosophy is almost certainly different. But I didn’t feel like I should discuss that at length in this particular article, except to say that (barring certain prohibitive factors, age among them) I’d go on a first date with almost any woman who didn’t actively spit in my face or really creep me out.
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Yay for getting numbers! Try not to feel bad about the $20. Some dating things are stacked against women, some against men. $20 isn’t a lot if it leads to love.
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I feel less bad about the $20 than I feel annoyed — and confused — by the fact that the fee wasn’t advertised! And yes, $20 isn’t a lot if it leads to love… but it’s not like Sci-Fi Speed Dating can guarantee love (who can?), so the fee seems excessive. It seems like all it really does is serve as a deterrent, and if that’s the case I feel like the organizers could at least make an effort to see that folks who pay it get something tangible in return for their cash. Gift bags with fun-size candy bars and “I Boldly Endured Sci-Fi Speed Dating” buttons, perhaps? Discounted/free admission to future Sci-Fi Speed Dating events? Vouchers redeemable for food or goods at the con? Invitations to an exclusive afterparty? If the organizers pocketed ~$800 from every session — and there were multiple sessions — they could certainly afford to do something cool for the attendees. I guess it’s possible that word could spread re: whatever the cool thing was, such that men would be more inclined to pay the $20 and that the fee would be less effective as a deterrent. But word concerning the $20 fee didn’t spread, so who knows?
Thanks for commenting, C!
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F36 says:
I appreciate that you are highlighting some of the shortcomings, but I think the experience overall is extremely positive. As an introvert, I have trouble approaching random people (even at cons where I know they will generally be friendly and receptive). SFSD makes it easy for me to come out of my shell because there are 40 guys lined up with whom I will almost certainly have several things in common. This makes that initial conversation so much easier and less scary.
I agree about the unfairness of making the guys pay and not the girls. I have contacted the owner several times asking him to make the girls pay at least $5. In the past, the LGBT sessions used to cost $5 per person, but at AwesomeCon this year it was free because charging money dropped the numbers in attendance too low for a good experience.
As for your claim that SFSD can’t guarantee love, you’re absolutely right – it can’t. However, it does have a very good track record. They’ve been doing this for only a handful of years and already been the cause of about 10 weddings, and has about 100 couples actively in long-term relationships. I find that impressive from an event that only occurs at conventions.-
Oh, I certainly agree that Sci-Fi Speed Dating has the potential to be a positive experience for all participating parties — and I admit that I found the event itself to be interesting and largely pleasant. I also don’t deny that it potentially provides a worthwhile service for folks who, for whatever reason, have difficulty finding suitable dating partners and/or interacting with people at conventions. But I also think the $20 fee is excessive (at least given what the event was; it wasn’t very well organized and seemed pretty cheap to put on) and I think it was really shady (and weird) that said fee isn’t mentioned in any of the promotions. Granted, a lot of things at conventions are like that — frex, merchandise is displayed without prices because a consumer is more likely to buy a product if there’s potential embarrassment involved in his refusing it — but it strikes me as really underhanded and manipulative. Really, it runs counter to the spirit that an event like Sci-Fi Speed Dating should embody.
And I don’t necessarily think it’s unfair that men have to pay while women don’t. It totally makes sense from a logistical perspective — to keep male numbers down while encouraging more female participation — and the diminished attendance at LGBT sessions when the $5 charge was in effect seems to support that rationale. I also think that life isn’t always fair to women, so I have no problem with women catching a break here; I also don’t think it’s markedly unfair that I’ve been the one to pay for dates in the past. (Though that’s partly because, unfair or not, I don’t *mind* doing it. The last date I went on was a nonstarter, but I’m hardly upset that I paid the $5 for that woman’s frozen yogurt.) But since you mention having contacted the owner to advocate instituting a $5 fee for women, I’m curious: what do you think that would achieve? History suggests that the fee would further diminish female attendance — but do you think charging a fee for women would somehow improve the quality of the event? (Tone can be weird online, but I’m sincerely interested in knowing what you think that change would accomplish.)
As for Sci-Fi Speed Dating’s relationship track record, that does sound impressive — but to truly evaluate the success of the event, we’d have to look at the percentages of participants who ended up in committed relationships… and even then we’d arguably have to compare that to other data, such as the percentages of convention attendees who met at cons (outside of Sci-Fi Speed Dating) and ended up in committed relationships, in order to determine whether the event was more successful at generating relationships than the general convention environment. (If conventions themselves can boast as many or more successful romantic connections between people who didn’t attend the event, the advertised track record wouldn’t seem nearly as impressive.) Or we could use relaxed criteria like the number of post-convention first dates generated, etc.; I think it’d sound impressive if the event could boast that, say, 85% of its participants went out on two or more first dates with people they met at Sci-Fi Speed Dating events.
Thank you for commenting, F36! 🙂
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Dave says:
Holy moly does 2 1/2 hours sound long for an event like this! You talk of the host making $800 – did he have to pay for the space? It might not be as much as you think
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About the LGBT dating – it didn’t cost anything, and I’m glad it didn’t, because it was a total clusterfuck. Instead of splitting up people into groups based on interest, everybody talked to everybody. The problem with that was that we ended up not having time to talk to everybody, so we wasted time talking to guys who we weren’t interested in, and missed out on talking to some of the women. I understand that it’s not easy to organize a speed dating event that includes mono and bisexuals, but it could have been done much better. Despite that, I’m very glad we went, because we met some cool ladies, and have already had one very successful date.
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Go says:
Sounds like somebody has been making some moves! You have a real shot there! Good Luck!
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Steve says:
Thanks for writing this article ( found it after some google’n ) and you’re coming in with a lot of similarities what with us sharing the same age and having a similar dating history. I am currently attending WIzard World Chicago where SSD is being pretty well advertised through out the convention, none of which had the price on the flyers, but did include “Women are free”, which like everyone else has stated is fair… BUT the men are now being charged $30 to participate. Honestly I was still considering it as $30 isn’t terrible ( though I wish $20 was still the going rate ), but now I’m pretty sure I’m going to back out. NOT because of the price, but after doing some research it sums up to this….
1. There are videos and other write ups now showing that in many cases men at these events out number women 2 to 1, it seems like you were pretty lucky, though I fear what with Chicago will not be that lucky.
2. There have been several write ups stating ( from men and women ) that a fair share of women were there for laughs. Very little to no intention to meet someone, but instead maybe take some time to role play or to see how many guys are generally interested.
3. They seem to employ their fair share of women, it makes me wonder if they are sometimes asked to participate to fill some gaps and get men interested in signing up.
4. I REALLY don’t want to go home with a blank sheet. I’m not terribly unattractive… at least I don’t think, but I’m a bigger guy who may or may not rely on the premise that women like funny men ( which I haven’t met a lady yet to say other wise, but at the same time it takes a bit longer than 3 minutes to work it’s magic ).Also, from what I’ve read, either the venue contacts SSD and books them, which I guess maybe that’s when the entries go to charity, OR they contact an event and ask to participate which may cost them ( very likely why WWC is $30 as WW does ask for money at every opportunity these days).
Anyhow, thanks for the write up, it really did help.
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You’re welcome, Steve — I’m glad you found the article helpful! And yeah, for what SFSD is, $30 is WAY too much. Spend that money on Transformers graphic novels; at least then you can moon over the lovely Arcee. 😉
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Interesting article! Here’s a few extra comments from a woman who was there:
– I feel like having four names was probably pretty average? Most guys didn’t seem to get many. This is probably something to blame on women not having to pay–we had less incentive to take the event seriously and more people who were only very casually looking showed up. Plus I kind of wonder how the annoying mess of trying to find the papers of people you were interested in affected this too–I wouldn’t be surprised if some women said “screw it, he can write his name on mine” and gave up. But hey, that means that the women who did write their names for you were probably really interested!
– The payment thing was handled really poorly. Especially the way he told you all–it sounds kind of confrontational, as though any men who decided not to pay and left would feel like they were being looked down on for it. I’m guessing that the payment was also to try to keep the numbers of men and women fairly equivalent, and I know the host mentioned that a lot of women (me included!) arrived at the last minute for our session and he’d been worried about a major gender imbalance. So you’d think he’d want to give men plenty of chances to back out so his numbers would be more equivalent–though I guess that would mean lower profits.
– Speed dating at conventions is a bit odd. I guess it’s really about removing the awkwardness of approaching new people and the worry of encroaching, but the speed dating event was effectively controlled mingling with a group of people who would’ve been equally happy if you’d approached any other time at the con to chat. It makes sense as a more efficient way of meeting people for those who got a lot of names, but otherwise… I guess to me the advantage of speed dating is that it should help you encounter people you wouldn’t otherwise meet, but conventions are so social that you really had the possibility of meeting anyone. I’d even say that conventions are so social that speed daters might be at a disadvantage–I personally encountered more people at the convention than I have time to date, so the ones that I’m most immediately and actively pursuing are the ones I actually spent more than three minutes with. It makes me wonder: if people at the con just told themselves, “I’m going to spend the next two-and-a-half hours talking to new people and hopefully it’ll lead to a date”, would that result in more or fewer dates than the speed dating? You’d meet fewer people but have more time with each to form a real connection. (Of course, that’s only an option if you’re good at reading whether or not someone is interested in chatting and hanging out at a given moment. That was the one major speed dating advantage: everyone there wanted to talk with you.)