February 13, 2006
Happy Valentine’s Day!!!

Also starring American Godzilla, Cubone, and a bottle of sake!

Yes, tomorrow is Valentine’s Day — and whether you’re reveling in your loving relationship or are sadly alone (*hugs*), Scary-Crayon’s here to bring you a little love with two new articles! While our brief assessment of Triton’s Chocolate Dipped Banana Bits may provide a bit of amusement and a potential gift recommendation for readers who happen to be dating gorillas, our lengthy review of not one, not two, but three varieties of LifeStyles Flavored Condoms is really the main attraction, if only because I wear bunny ears throughout the entire article for some inexplicable reason. Could the drunkenness have anything to do with it? Possibly.

I type very well when I am drunk. Anyway, happy Valentine’s Day!

P.S. Here’s another clip to try viewing at home. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

-posted by Wes | 6:04 am | Comments (9)
  • the Jax says:

    Wes, that was freaking hilarious. I laughed out loud several times as your non-erotic misadventure continued. Even with commentary by wannabe kaiju, it made more sense and had more cultural significance than the Turtle Tunes clip. “This is a disaster”, indeed.

  • Calaquin says:

    These are exactly the same type of condoms I take from the basket in the lounge on campus. I have tasted them as well, but not in the way you did (I just took them out of the wrapper and licked them) and while the flavor was bland, it was certainly there.

    I thought of writing an article reviewing them for my site, but I try to keep it PG, since my parents read it (damn it) and they think I’m strange enough already.

    But I agree with you that these things suck (har har, pun). Plus 50 respect points for the use of the bottle, and plus 100 points for taking pictures and immortalizing the moment with the Internet.

    You sir, are a genius.

  • First of all I REALLY wish I was at that Renaissance Festival.

    Second of all the story about peanut butter makes reminds me of those ads for erotic graphic novels that comprise a fair portion of Heavy Metal Magazine. One of those ads is for a book called “Peanut Butter” which suppossedly involves an act like the one you mentioned in the article (but probably without the urinary infection).

  • neoblue says:

    Great site and great articles. This one had me laughing till the tears started. Originality and skill hand-in-hand. Keep up the great work.

  • Robweiller says:

    Great article! Can’t understand why you had to use a sake bottle, tho’. Wouldn’t be a thumb or a middle finger a better choice?

  • Jaime says:

    Oh no no no, believe me you do not want to taste a regular condom in the fashion that you have tried these….you think the flavored ones taste bad, wagh >.

  • Josh says:

    Wow, I don’t think I could ever pull off something like that.

    Thanks for the video, Wes. It makes me crack up each time I see it in a “wtf” manner. What the hell is it??

  • Deezy says:

    EW. I’m so telling Mom. And I guess you can tell her I was wasted last night.

  • Molly says:

    Are you aware there is no civilized way to eat a frozen banana? No matter how you eat it, it looks like a dirty act. I had one at Disneyland last summer and my friend took a picture of me holding making a goofy face because even I knew how wrong it looked but dangit I needed the chocolate.

    It wasn’t very good.

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