A Crayon Haiku #49!

In A Crayon Haiku #49, we pay brief tribute to Rogue of the X-Men. Any girl whose touch is deadly and can look the part whether she’s a rough and tough Southern belle or a sullen gothic wallflower is bloody awesome.  (3/23/06)

Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #79!

Yeah, I’m still upset about the modifications they made to Juggernaut for X3 — and in Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #79, you can see why. Vinnie Jones may look like a lot of things in that getup, but he’s no Cain Marko.  (3/23/06)

But first, there’s A Crayon Haiku #49, in which we briefly pay tribute to Rogue! I didn’t harp on this point about the films (’cause I could seriously go on forever, or at least quite a while), but another problem with them is that although she may be a decent actress, Anna Paquin is simply nowhere near hot or charismatic enough to play Rogue. It’s even worse than the Kirsten Dunst as MJ thing with the Spider-Man movies, because at least with them Dunst isn’t a distraction in the role. Every time Paquin walks onto the screen and they address her as “Rogue”, however, I want to shout, “Oh, get the hell out of here.” Of course, that may be because the Spider-Man films are far superior movies and I’m less inclined to shout at everything I see. Man, I hate those X-Men flicks.

And yes, it’s been over a month, but there’s new content in the Dusty Plastic HELL department with the 79th Hot Flash! This one came to mind as a result from a comment by Tetsu Deinonychus regarding the pitiful X3 incarnation of Juggernaut. Looks to the contrary, it’s probably one of the more involved comics we’ve done, given that it involved extensive modification to a Zangief Pocket Fighter sprite (hell if I was going to do it in multiple poses, though) and includes characters from several different games. But why the Juggernaut and Dazzler pairing, you ask? I admit to being something of a Juggy and Dazz shipper, primarily because of The Uncanny X-Men #217-218. I’ll probably end up reviewing them one day, but suffice it to say that Juggernaut pursues Dazzler across a snowy expanse because he is a fan of her music and she ends up exhausting herself to the point of collapse trying to fight him when all he wants to do is give her a big hug or get her autograph or something. It’s hilarious. Oh, and in case you’re wondering, the background is from Final Fight 3.

Crayon Trivia Fun Fact: The Juggernaut was the subject of the very first Crayon Haiku.

Okay, that’s all for now — ja ne, minna-san!

A Crayon Haiku #48!

Although the new TMNT toon has been pretty faithful to the Mirage comics, there have been some exceptions. See A Crayon Haiku #48, for example, in which we compare the Renet of the comics to the animated version…  (3/18/06)

So we’ve taken a bit of a break on the Hot Flashes, but the Crayon Haikus are still coming on strong! Taking its cue from today’s episode of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, A Crayon Haiku #48 examines the not so subtle differences between the original Mirage comic book version of Renet and her animated counterpart. What happened? Maybe 4Kids didn’t think today’s youngsters could handle Renet in her original, uh, glory. Or maybe she was lactating back then.

X3: THE TRAILER REVIEW.

More X-Men on Scary-Crayon! Unfortunately, their arrival is not as welcome this time around, as all indications from the X-Men 3: The Last Stand trailer suggest that the film is going to suck even worse than the first two.  (3/16/06)

Or at least that’s my assessment after watching the trailer. I suppose that a good film was too much to expect after two depressingly less than spectacular live action outings, but with this one I swear that Hollywood is just trying to figure out how shitty an “epic” action movie (assuming X3 has a longer runtime than its predecessor) has to be before people call it what it is. I think there’s a certain length after which moviegoers will automatically conclude that a movie is good no matter what — because you know, while I can recall quite a few reviewers saying that a movie was too long, I can’t recall any recent movies that exceeded the two-hour mark that people didn’t like. Shit, people freely admitted that Jackson’s King Kong was waaay too long and still loved it. It’s possible that I’m wrong on this, though, so feel free to note some long movies that didn’t fare too well among the critics or at the box office.

Impressions of the trailer and review are also welcome. Ja!

THIS SANDWICH IS LEGENDARY.

In the tradition of THE SANDWICH SO WEIRD it frightens McGriddles and THE SANDWICH THAT PETRIFIES THE GODS, Scary-Crayon is proud to present… The Legendary Glazed Toroid Fishstick Sandwich! Amazing.  (3/12/06)

Once again, culinary insanity returns to Scary-Crayon with the birth of The Legendary Glazed Toroid Fishstick Sandwich, the first in a series of food articles designed to find new applications for aging overbaked donuts. Despite the fearsome and greasy appearance of the sandwich, it’s definitely among the better edible creations that I’ve authored to date — so I seriously recommend making your own if you’ve got the ingredients and the courage to do so. Of course, I always say that. 😉

Until next time, minna-san!

Following last month’s lengthy review of X-Men II: The Fall of the Mutants, Scary-Crayon turns to another of Paragon Software’s comic-themed PC titles — The Amazing Spider-Man. Unlike the former game, however, I can’t entirely recommend this one, as in addition to being a poor and quite creepy representation of Spidey, the game’s bloody impossible. You may have better luck than I did, but still — this is not a game to be taken lightly, if it is, in fact, a game to be taken at all. As before, should you wish to play, DOSBox is probably your best bet. Anyway, enjoy the review! After a few more, I’m planning a slight layout adjustment and the addition of a games section to the site. No telling exactly when that’ll happen, mind you, but I just thought I’d mention it. ;P

THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN!!!

Or not. Spidey’s latest video game outings have met with fairly impressive reviews, but this one hearkens back to a time when Spider-Man titles were anything but amazing. In 16-color glory, it’s The Amazing Spider-Man!  (3/7/06)

As noted in A Crayon Haiku #47, some pretty questionable stuff happens on “Justice League Unlimited”. And to think, children are watching this show! By the way, did anyone catch the episode when Grodd tried to turn everyone on Earth into an ape? What the fuck was that supposed to accomplish? They still retained their intelligence — and, in the cases of the superheroes, their powers — so I kinda don’t get it, especially given that Grodd has consistently been shown to prefer human women to gorilla gals. I mean, Giganta started out as a bleeding gorilla, and he altered her genetic structure to make her look like a natural (human) woman! And I thank him for that, because Giganta is seriously hot.

Seriously.

A Crayon Haiku #47!

In A Crayon Haiku #47, we take a look at one of the nastier girls on “Justice League Unlimited”. The show’s depiction of women is arguably pretty questionable to begin with, but Tala takes her sex appeal way too far. Yuck.  (3/3/06)