CHINESE-CANADIAN IMPORTS!!!

Chinatowns often contain trange things, but obscure used games are not typically found there… except in Canada. In this article, we review three import PSX games uncovered during a 2002 trip to our Northern neighbor.  (5/25/06)

In addition to an introductory commentary on the Chinatowns that I’ve visited in recent years, the latest article contains reviews of three import games that I picked up during my 2002 visit to Vancouver. I’m not exactly sure if they’re demo discs or not; with the possible exception of one, they all run for about the appropriate length of a demo before freezing. Then again they are pretty scratched, so that could be part of the problem. At any rate, while I’m not terribly sad about my inability to play further into the games, I would be pretty interested in hearing any information you have on them — particularly regarding Magnetic Power Microman: Generation 2000 — so do feel free to enlighten me. This goes for any info regarding the Microman anime as well. There’s lots of stuff on Microman Forever concerning the toys, but unfortunately little else.

I think next time we’ll have another food article. ‘Till then, ja! 🙂

I started writing this as a response to some of the comments on the previous article and post, but it got so long I decided it should be its own post. Included are a general mini review of some popular EN sites today, more trivia concerning the origins of Scary-Crayon and stuff, and an apology to the readers who’ve sent me e-mails but to whom I’ve neglected to reply. Good times. 😛

So in response to agustinaldo’s suggestion, I think reviewing other EN sites in depth would be pretty pointless. They’ve all got articles I like and articles I don’t — and though some have more hits than misses, it’s really as simple as that. I also largely dislike most of the larger sites these days because of what they’ve become. I can’t even view X-E on my desktop without the numerous Flash ads slowing it to a crawl and the last time I visited I-Mock it was a mess of popups and stupid “wait 30 seconds” pages featuring javascript balloons telling me I was the 8,283,712th visitor to the page or something and had won some random shit. I-Mock also seems more like a super vanity project to me than anything else these days. It’s cool to see a photo of the article’s author engaged in using the product during a given review (especially when the author is female and attractive or is wearing zombie makeup for no significant reason), but when you’ve got 2+ MB animated gifs with Photoshopped effects in almost every article, you’re just being a vainglorious asshole. I remember one pic of RoG that was zoomed in so close you could see his fucking nose hairs. I’ve got no problems with Seanbaby’s page, but does he even update anymore? (more…)

A Crayon Haiku #51!

I can’t read Japanese text, but that doesn’t stop Eastern robots from sending me spam in their native language! At least I think it’s spam. Why not have a look at A Crayon Haiku #51 and tell me what you think, eh?  (5/18/06)

COSMOPOLITAN IS TERRIBLE.

Here at Scary-Crayon, we occasionally come under fire for reviewing things that weren’t meant for us, but that hasn’t stopped us yet! Today, our proud tradition continues with a look at the February 2002 issue of Cosmo.  (5/18/06)

It’s been a loooong while since we’ve had one of these, but my sister happened to leave the February 2002 issue of Cosmopolitan on the floor during her last visit and I took it as a sign that it was time for another of our magazine cover reviews. I actually ended up reading and/or skimming most of the cover material, but eh, a little brain damage never hurt anyyyyahsijdaokdas I’m okay really so ignore the thin trickle of blood running down my philtrum. And maybe it’s my other writing project influencing my style this time around, but something made me want to see how many strange references and analogies I could pack into this review without it detracting from the discussion at hand. I think I did okay in that respect. Please to enjoy article, thanks!

And then we’ve got A Crayon Haiku #51. I know some of my readers out there know Japanese (or whatever these characters are), so feel free to comment or send an e-mail to let me know what the heck this says. I’m counting on you guys! There was no text in the body of the e-mail, so I’m not sure what to make of it. Part of me wants to believe that the Japanese Conky was sending me that day’s secret word so I’d know when to scream. I guess in Japan the screaming would be accompanied by a complete color change to blue with an optional sweatdrop and/or backwards collapse to the floor. See, references. Don’t you wish you had a crazy helmet with a Madball in it?

Until next time, minna-san!

P.S. The blog has finally been upgraded to WordPress 2.02. Excelsior!

By special request, I’ve updated yesterday’s examination of the early PC versions of Street Fighter II with three videos of Dhalsim doing what he does best — KILLING YOU! Note also that Dhalsim is one of the few characters who can actually juggle opponents off of his throw (Blanka being the other notable one). If you’re good, you can even follow it up with a Yoga fire. Not that any of this finesse is necessary, though. On anything except the very highest difficulty levels, you can beat the whole game as Dhalsim by just jamming on the kick button. You’d take the occasional fireball in the face (the sick damage factor on the upper levels is what makes playing them a little tougher), but that’s about it.

Dhalsim vs. Chun-Li (674 KB)
Dhalsim vs. Balrog (859 KB)
Dhalsim vs. Sagat (589 KB)

The reason I didn’t have Dhalsim videos before: I hate playing as him. In this game, Dhalsim’s the guy that you pick because you have to, not because you want to. If his regular attacks weren’t so cheap, he’d be a terrible character. His jumps are the lowest of any character in the game and almost all of his airborne attacks hit at a distance — and because you can only be hit once by a jumping opponent, this gives your opponent plenty of time to set up a vicious counterattack. Projectile attacks aren’t terribly useful in this game, making the Yoga Fire not so great, and the Yoga Flame is absolutely worthless. (Actually, special moves in general kinda suck in this game.) But you pick him because if you don’t pick him, you have to fight him — and given his ridiculous cheapness, beating him can sometimes prove all but impossible.

I don’t like Dhalsim
he’s so goddamned fucking cheap
he’ll kick you to death

Until next time!

STREET FIGHTER II, PC STYLE!!!

At long last (!!!), Scary-Crayon examines several early PC incarnations of Street Fighter II. Sure, these games look like the Capcom classic, but how do they compare in the gameplay department? Read on to find out!  (5/8/06)

Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #81!

The evil Shredder welcomes the opportunity to crush his enemies in Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #81, but does he possess the necessary equipment for dispatching his reptilian foes? His buddy Hun isn’t too sure…  (5/8/06)

You wouldn’t believe how much time I spent playing and screencapping these damned games and writing this review, but here you are: a somewhat detailed look at the early PC versions of Street Fighter II. Note that I stopped italicizing the title’s abbreviated acronym form fairly early in this article, which I think is going to be ASCN (accepted Scary-Crayon notation) from here on out. As much as I like italics, I get sick of typing <-i->-W-O-R-D-<-/-i-> every time I want to mention something by title. I’m guessing I’ll keep the italics for one-word movie title abbreviations, though.

Hmm, that was kinda technical (I just know you found it to be terribly interesting, though), so here’s something decidedly less so — a wav file that I accidentally recorded while screencapping SFIBM 1.98. Sounds like the kind of thing that would set a class of sixth graders giggling to me.

And let us not forget Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #81, which features screencaps from the new TMNT toon with modified subtitles from yours truly. The comic is named for the episode: “Rogue in the House”.

Finally, again, I apologize about the length of time it’s taken me to update. Hopefully playing these games will keep you busy until I get around to posting another article (send me Sagat screencaps, damnit! pleeease ;_;), but in the event that you’re looking for more reading material, Greg recently posted an interesting article about his hometown of Fairfield, CA, on Pop Arena. Molly posts weekly TV movie recaps and other fun pieces on Alligator Juice. And I can’t vouch for the other stuff on SydLexia.com, but I came across this review of the arcade SF1 while searching for the PC version download. Distractions can be amusing.

All for now, minna-san. Until next time, remember: DISCIPLINE, JUSTICE, COMMITMENT!!! 😀