BEYONCÉ’S NEW SONG IS AWFUL.

I don’t even listen to the radio, but it has been my extreme misfortune to have overheard Beyoncé’s awful new song, “Diva,” multiple times during the past week. What makes it so bad? Oh ho ho… just keep reading.  (2/15/09)

It’s been a while since we’ve had a feature like this, eh? Angry criticism abounds in this review of Beyoncé’s terrible new song, “Diva”! The article pretty much says all I’ve got to say about it, but really — ugh. Beyoncé should be ashamed of herself for this crap.

Of course, the public is lovin’ it. I hate the world.

APRIL, THE NINJA NEWSCASTER!!!

Yes, April O’Neil was an ace reporter… but she was also a skilled warrior! Yet while April, the Ninja Newscaster‘s got the moves to stomp the Foot, she could clearly use some extra training when it comes to fashion.  (2/2/09)

And here’s that aforementioned retro toy review: a closer look at April, the Ninja Newscaster! Or whenever Ridiculous outfit aside, the figure’s as good as any other April Playmates has ever released — and is far hotter than all of them, including even the 2007 movie April. That may not be saying much (that figure is so not cute), but Movie III April is admittedly a strong contender in the attractiveness department.

Also, note the screencap of April from the Genesis version of TMNT: Tournament Fighters that appears in the article (as well as the modified image on the content pages, which I really love) — yeah, I actually had to play the game to get that. Which means that you totally owe me. That game was bloody awful, which makes even less sense in light of the undeniable fact that the SNES version was pure awesome.

More figure reviews to come!

A Crayon Haiku #118 through 120!

It’s Elisabeth Sladen’s birthday, so we just had to write a few celebratory Crayon Haiku! One, anyway. Another does have Sarah Jane and K-9… but the third has nothing to do with Lis whatsoever. It’s morphin’ time.  (2/1/09)

Hey all! As the topic says, we’ve got even more Crayon Haiku for you today, but first, an apology: I totally meant to have another article up to commemorate the site’s fifth anniversary, but then I got bogged down and kinda didn’t get that done. Also, admittedly, I was so pleased with the Scary Faces piece that I was hesitant to knock it off of the top spot. I really do like that article!

Anyway, here are three more haiku! Today is Lis Sladen‘s birthday, so we wanted to mention that given the love that Scary-Crayon and frequent contributor Mickey Glitter of Strange Cousin Susan exhibit for one Sarah Jane Smith. Apparently Hulk loves Sarah Jane, too! And then there’s a quick haiku mentioning my newfound love of Power Rangers figures. Expect more of them to show up on the site in the near future, as well as possible Jungle Fury episode reviews. Suffice it to say that that show is at least fifteen times better than it has any right to be. I’m hooked.

All for now, then. You know better than to set your watch based on release dates that I mention here in the SC blog, but I’m hoping to have another article done for tomorrow or Tuesday. It’ll be a retro toy review that is kinda sorta appropriate given what’s recently appeared on the pegs at Targets across the country. You know what I’m talking about. 🙂