Bits & Pieces

Them waters be filled with carnivorous leeches.

A Series of Unfortunate Events!

In this multi-book review, we assess Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events in broad but rather thorough strokes. Unfortunately, while there's a lot to like about the books, you'd be better off watching the movie.  (7/8/12)

i can haz ur soul?

THE HORROR OF FANTASY LAND

Fantasy Land -- sounds like a place everyone would want to visit, doesn't it? Alas, as we learn in this Scary-Crayon coloring book review, you'd do well to steer clear of the land these horrific hooved clones call home.  (1/25/12)

Oprah Winfrey is love!

OPRAH'S WONDERFUL MAGAZINE

Years ago, we reviewed several issues of "O, The Oprah Magazine" rather harshly. Well, things have changed, and now we know just how fantastic this publication truly is! Join us as we look at the April 2011 issue.  (4/1/11)

Red wings are awesome, but this story is terrible.

THE UNLOVED LITTLE RABBIT.

There are a lot of great, instructive children's stories -- but The Little Rabbit Who Wanted Red Wings is not one of them. In this summary review, Wes points out just what's wrong with this tale... and offers a new ending.  (1/31/10)

Why play polo when you can play solo?

COLOURING WITH SCARY FACES!!!

In 1987, while traveling through London town, I discovered the greatest coloring book ever. Now, over a decade later, it is my extreme privilege to share the magic and awe of Scary Faces with you. You are not ready.  (1/26/09)

No crusty snot here -- these balls are fresh 'n' gooey!

STICKY NEW MADBALLS!!!

Although we've billed this as a sticker review, our analysis of these appalling adhesives mostly details our thoughts about the new Madballs depicted on them. And how could we not? They're delightfully disgusting!  (8/11/08)

A Care Bears/Madballs crossover?!?!?

CARE BEARS AND MADBALLS...

...together! There have been plenty of amazing comic book crossovers, but none so unlikely as the 1987 meeting of the Care Bears and the Madballs. Intrigued? Then check it out here, but beware: awful puns abound.  (1/26/08)

Merry Christmas, Amelia Bedelia!

MERRY XMAS, AMELIA BEDELIA!!!

And here's the last piece of the year: a summary review and commentary of Merry Christmas, Amelia Bedelia, a kids' book that details the holiday escapades of America's most hilarious housekeeper. She's hawt, too.  (12/31/06)

The February 2002 Cosmopolitan Review!

COSMOPOLITAN IS TERRIBLE.

Here at Scary-Crayon, we occasionally come under fire for reviewing things that weren't meant for us, but that hasn't stopped us yet! Today, our proud tradition continues with a look at the February 2002 issue of Cosmo.  (5/18/06)

Harry Potter and Philosophy

HARRY POTTER AND WHAT?

Once again, Scary-Crayon deigns to address the world of Harry Potter! However, despite the title of Harry Potter and Philosophy, Rowling's young wizard plays little more than a supporting role in this particular book.  (12/7/05)

Walter Mosley's Futureland

WELCOME TO FUTURELAND.

It's time for another Scary-Crayon book review! Step into Walter Mosley's Futureland, a collection of sci-fi tales that deal with race in the immediate future. There's quite a bit of serious commentary in this one, too.  (9/22/05)

Fuck you, Harry Potter.

FUCK YOU, HARRY POTTER.

Last weekend, folks across the globe rushed out to buy the latest Harry Potter book with reckless abandon. At Scary-Crayon, however, we did nothing of the sort! 'Cause you know what we say? Fuck Harry Potter.  (7/22/05)

The White Bone

IN SEARCH OF THE WHITE BONE.

Alright, class, it's book report time! Here, Scary-Crayon reviews Barbara Gowdy's The White Bone, a sad and thought-provoking novel about a herd of African savannah elephants in search of a mystical artifact.  (6/10/05)

The she-devil with a sword returns!

THE RETURN OF RED SONJA!!!

Everyone's favorite red-haired warrioress is back in a new comic series from Dynamite Entertainment! Here's the Scary-Crayon review of Red Sonja #0, the special 25 cent introductory issue. Be still my beating heart.  (5/2/05)

A Day With Barney...

SPEND A DAY WITH BARNEY!!!

In this latest book review and commentary, Scary-Crayon cracks open A Day With Barney and observes the lifestyle of that purple bastard from sunup to sundown. So if you aren't shakin', there's something very wrong...  (4/27/05)

On Bullshit

HURRAH! MORE BULLSHIT.

In this book review, Scary-Crayon undertakes to discuss Harry G. Frankfurt's best-selling attempt to define the word "bullshit", appropriately titled "On Bullshit". Alas, the book falls into the category of bullshit as well.  (4/15/05)

Constantine: The Hellblazer Collection

CONSTANTINE, THE HELLBLAZER.

Armed with the sixth sense and a holy shotgun, John Constantine battles Hell's forces to buy his salvation with demon kills! Works for a video game, but a comic based on a movie based on a comic? Pretty weak.  (2/27/05)

Red Lobster's Hidden Treasure Pack #1!

PLAY IT AGAIN, RED LOBSTER!!!

By popular demand, Red Lobster and friends return for one final Scary-Crayon review with the fabulous first issue of the Red Lobster Hidden Treasure Pack. Will we ever see Red again? It's up to you! Details inside.  (1/25/05)

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