Bits & Pieces

''the desolate photographer's plea''

Crayon Poetry Corner #9!

Have you ever seen a beautiful stranger whose picture you wanted to take, the way you'd photograph a landscape or a monument? In "the desolate photographer's plea", we see how one might request such a shoot.  (3/1/05)

Another Crayon Haiku farewell.

Another Crayon Haiku farewell.

Once again sadness that accompanies the death of a pet visits Scary-Crayon with the news of little Sake's passing. Rest well, tiny rodent friend! May the streets of mousey Heaven be paved with assorted cheeses.  (2/27/05)

Constantine: The Hellblazer Collection

CONSTANTINE, THE HELLBLAZER.

Armed with the sixth sense and a holy shotgun, John Constantine battles Hell's forces to buy his salvation with demon kills! Works for a video game, but a comic based on a movie based on a comic? Pretty weak.  (2/27/05)

A Crayon Haiku #23!

A Crayon Haiku #23!

The subject of A Crayon Haiku #23 hails from those days of old when kids killed for the cheap and wacky toys that lived with soggy burgers and lukewarm fries in a happy cardboard house with arches on top. I'm lovin' it!  (2/25/05)

DPH: HF #23 -- It's all around you...

Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #23!

Be glad you don't work retail! Assuming you don't work retail, that is. In Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #23, Wes encounters a customer who HATES being "marketed at." FYI, that's no excuse for being an asshole.  (2/25/05)

Kung Pao Shrimp ...in a bun!

KUNG PAO SHRIMP ...IN A BUN!!!

In the first of several Forkless Gourmet Bun Meal reviews, Scary-Crayon flies in the face of reason and tackles the latest find from the dollar store freezer. How does kung pao shrimp in a bun taste? Read on to find out!  (2/22/05)

Dusty Plastic HELL #5 -- WHACK HISTORY MONTH

DUSTY PLASTIC HELL #5!!!

In the long-awaited fifth episode of Dusty Plastic HELL, a young Raphael approaches Morpheus with a question about Black History Month. Always a speaker of truth, Morpheus pulls no punches and tells it like it is.  (2/22/05)

DPH: HF #22 -- Look 10 Pounds Thinner!

Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #22!

To counter Oprah's bullshit, Koyu and Rugi step foward in Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #22, to offer some real advice to help women look 10 pounds thinner. Why the hell do people keep listening to that harpy?!  (2/19/05)

DPH: HF #21 -- Your Breast Life Now

Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #21!

In Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #21, it's back to the bookstore for more wacky adventures in the world of retail! Here, Wes encounters a rather well-endowed customer... and let's just say that DDs aren't easily ignored.  (2/17/05)

A Crayon Haiku, Valentine's Day Edition!

A Valentine's Day Crayon Haiku!

Happy Valentine's Day from the Turtles and the Scoobies! And Scary-Crayon, of course. For this V-Day Crayon Haiku, we scanned two cards from our collection of valentines and wrote stuff under them. We <3 you, btw.  (2/14/05)

DPH: HF #20 -- Harold and Maude in six frames.

Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #20!

On this day of luv, Scary-Crayon summarizes Harold and Maude, in which 20-year-old Harold meets 79-year-old Maude and proceeds to fuck her. The beauty of the film can't be captured in six frames, but we tried.  (2/14/05)

A Crayon Haiku #22!

A Crayon Haiku #22!

This four-part installment of A Crayon Haiku takes us back to those easy, breezy days of childhood, when things were simple and a small toy leopard with paper taped to it was as good a Jagwar toy as any. I <3 you, Jagwar.  (2/2/05)

DPH: HF #19 -- It's not a newspaper.

Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #19!

FINALLY... Bacardi has come BACK (!!!) to Scary-Crayon. He's a bit stumped in Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #19, though, as he can't guess the answer to Eve L.'s joke! But then, Eve's always had an odd sense of humor...  (2/2/05)

DPH: HF #18 -- A pseudo-philosophical dialogue.

Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #18!

By popular demand, that wacky duo consisting of Kain and Wild Boar Alien returns once again to Scary-Crayon in Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #18! Marvel at the wisdom imparted in their psuedo-philosophical dialogue.  (2/2/05)

DPH: HF #17 -- Jerky.

Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #17!

In Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #17, we find Baxter Stockman about to seal the deal with April O'Neil (dig the rhymey goodness!)... but folks who've seen The Fly know why that can never happen. NOT WORK SAFE.  (1/30/05)

A Crayon Haiku #21!

A Crayon Haiku #21!

In A Crayon Haiku #21, Scary-Crayon welcomes a new little friend to the fold! Okay, so Ramses has been with us a while, but this is his debut appearance on the site. Hurrah for Ramses! Hurrah for bargains, too.  (1/30/05)

Happy Birthday, Scary-Crayon!!!

Happy Birthday, Scary-Crayon!!!

To commemorate Scary-Crayon's first year, we've got a special tribute piece. In addition to fun images, prose, and haikus from readers and pals, learn the "meaning" of the site's name! Hurrah for useless trivia!  (1/25/05)

The HULK CD review!!!

DO THE HULK STOMP, ALRIGHT!!!

Scary-Crayon's first music CD review takes us to a very scary place as we rock out with the Hulk and his friends in Hulk's self-titled album! Listen in awe as Captain America plays the bass for the delight of little children.  (1/25/05)