Bits & Pieces

''Happy Mother's Day''

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY...

This Mother's Day, Scary-Crayon asks, "What does a child get for a mother who realizes that her life would have been better if the child had never been born?" Find out in "Happy Mother's Day", our latest short story.  (5/8/05)

DPH: HF #40 -- This shit really happens.

Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #40!

Since May 7 is FREE COMIC BOOK DAY, Scary-Crayon's featuring a special guest star in Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #40! But while comic characters don't really shop in the store, idiots like this are fairly common.  (5/6/05)

The Twisted Pretzel Squash Seafood Medley!

Pretzels, Squash, & Seafood Unite!

Hope you're hungry, folks, 'cause it's time for another strange and original Scary-Crayon recipe -- the Twisted Pretzel Squash Seafood Medley! What's in this dish, you ask? The name says it all! Well, almost...  (5/4/05)

The she-devil with a sword returns!

THE RETURN OF RED SONJA!!!

Everyone's favorite red-haired warrioress is back in a new comic series from Dynamite Entertainment! Here's the Scary-Crayon review of Red Sonja #0, the special 25 cent introductory issue. Be still my beating heart.  (5/2/05)

DPH: HF #39 -- Truer words...

Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #39!

The final run of bookstore comics marches along with Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #39! Here, Wes checks out a rather, er, corpulent customer. Not a big deal, but maybe she should've gotten a fitness book instead!  (4/29/05)

A Day With Barney...

SPEND A DAY WITH BARNEY!!!

In this latest book review and commentary, Scary-Crayon cracks open A Day With Barney and observes the lifestyle of that purple bastard from sunup to sundown. So if you aren't shakin', there's something very wrong...  (4/27/05)

DPH: HF #38 -- Guy's got a point.

Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #38!

So Wes isn't working at the bookstore anymore, but he's still got a whole slew of booksellin' life comics that have yet to be posted! In Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #38, Wes meets a customer with... a good point.  (4/25/05)

''Two Minutes on the Metro''

IT'S TIME FOR A SHORT STORY!

Yeah, in our mad quest to extend Scary-Crayon's reach to the stars above, we'll be posting short stories from time to time. Here's the first -- a quick old piece by Wes entitled "Two Minutes on the Metro". Enjoy!  (4/23/05)

Crayon Song Parody #1

CRAYON SONG PARODY # 1!

Yep, here's another ongoing Scary-Crayon featurette. In this first installment, Wes not only rewrites the lyrics to a classic song, but then proceeds to sing said song. The horror! But everyone likes free mp3s, right?  (4/21/05)

Mary-Kate & Ashley's Dance Party of the Century!

HI-HI MARY-KATE & ASHLEY, GO!

In this latest Scary-Crayon PC game review, we delve into the funky pre-Y2K insanity of Mary-Kate & Ashley's Dance Party of the Century. Don't know how to dance? Mary-Kate and Ashley will show you the way!  (4/19/05)

On Bullshit

HURRAH! MORE BULLSHIT.

In this book review, Scary-Crayon undertakes to discuss Harry G. Frankfurt's best-selling attempt to define the word "bullshit", appropriately titled "On Bullshit". Alas, the book falls into the category of bullshit as well.  (4/15/05)

DPH: HF #37 -- If vampires have no breath...???

Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #37!

We know you've been holding your breath in anticipation, but Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #37 is HERE! This installment offers up inquisitive times with Ravager and that vampire with soul, Angel! Not Spike.  (4/15/05)

Thai Style Chicken ...in a bun!

THAI STYLE CHICKEN... IN A BUN!!!

Yes, it's time once again for "authentic ethnic cuisine in a bun!" This time, Scary-Crayon returns to the dollar store freezer to sample the Forkless Gourmet's Chicken with Thai Style Peanut Sauce Bun Meal. Dig in!  (4/11/05)

Stephen King's Sleepwalkers, reviewed!

Stephen King's SLEEPWALKERS!!!

In this latest film review, Scary-Crayon takes a look at Stephen King's Sleepwalkers, a movie about incestuous shapeshifting cat people that feast on the souls of virgin girls. The chaste lasses never get a break.  🙁  (4/8/05)

A Crayon Haiku #28!

A Crayon Haiku #28!

You know how folks criticize others who supposedly can't cook by saying that those people burn toast? Well, as we see in A Crayon Haiku #28, Wes somehow managed to burn cereal. Dine at his table at your own risk.  (4/7/05)

DPH: HF #36 -- The Suicidal Nosferatu #2

Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #36!

It's time once again for another session with that manic depressive undead dude known only as the Suicidal Nosferatu! In this second installment, the poor fellow talks about a new taste sensation he recently tried.  (4/2/05)

Cereal Noir...

A SOMBER CEREAL NOIR...

Here's an odd short for you. It's a little something I like to call Cereal Noir -- a dirge of sorts about stale Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Reese's Peanut Butter Puffs, and Peanut Butter Crunch. Stale cereal tastes like dust.  (3/30/05)

A Dusty Plastic HELL EASTER Hot Flash!

A D.P.H. EASTER HOT FLASH!

HAPPY EASTER, EVERYONE! From Scary-Crayon to you, here's a Dusty Plastic HELL Easter Hot Flash. It's like an Easter card! Roll your cursor over the image to find how the Easter Bunny is celebrating this holiday.  (3/27/05)