December 19, 2005
The Five SCARIEST 39¢ Christmas Cards!

Scary-Crayon keeps the holiday pieces rolling in with The Five SCARIEST 39¢ Christmas Cards! There's also an honorable mention and, as is customary with these articles, the special Scary-Crayon card. Joy! Oh, and note that the elves here at SC don't have pointed ears (hell, they didn't even have ears in their first appearance). That's cause we like to fly in the face of convention, baby.

So in addition to the main attraction, we've also got A Crayon Haiku #39 (ANOTHER one? Joy!) and Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #68, the latter of which features none other than KING KONG! For those of you wondering how the result in that alternate ending came about, when I drew the piece I had been thinking that, due to Kong's massive size, penetration by the giant ape (you know, because Jackson's remake is apparently a love story) would result in all of Ann Darrow's internal organs being forced upward and out of her mouth -- which is why she isn't wearing a dress and why her legs are intact. (Viewers who are particularly attentive to detail might note the curled toes of the left foot.) Of course, Kong would likely be so large that Ann would be ripped apart upon being entered, to say nothing of what would happen to her during the actual rodeo show, but creative liberties can be taken. For those who don't want to imagine giant ape on girl beastiality, though, the image still works if we imagine that Kong accidentally crushed poor Annie. We just have to assume that she has very resilient legs.

All for now, then -- hopefully I'll be back with yet ANOTHER holiday piece before December 25th. If not, it'll be late, but I promise you SANTA before '05 is out! Seeya then. 🙂

-posted by Wes | 2:06 pm | Comments (6)
  • Molly says:

    At least you didn't send me the #1 scariest card!

  • the Jax says:

    Call me crazy, but I say the scariest aspect of of the scary xmas cards is that little white-haired kid. Flip your perspective 180 degrees Wes, and see the cherubic evil watching his prey drive carefully up the snowy hill. Little do the travelers know, they are approaching a house of holiday horror!

  • Matt Wells says:

    Doesn't the 2nd scariest Christmas card remind you of that scene in the movie Misery? You know, when the crazy lady returns to get more paper? It 's snowing, the car resembles the crazy ladies, and the person kinda looks like James Caan.

  • yeah well at least the last 39 cent christmas card wasnt fucked up like all the others

  • well all christmas crads are pretty fucked up but not 39 cent cards.

  • This year as I was showing the office executives the choices for our office christmas cards. The Chief Tech Officer suggested we get a card with a Santa on the front. Not just one Santa but two Santas. Redundant Santas, just in case one went down. Oh and a chimney, of course.


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