LOOKIT: THE LAST ARTICLE OF 2006! Or the first article of 2007, depending upon when you read this and when I get the content pages uploaded, since there’s a pretty good chance that that won’t happen until after the big 12:00 on the EC of the USA. I guess it’s already 2007 in the UK. Does it really matter? HAPPY NEW YEAR, MINNA-SAN!

Anyway, to ring in the new year and say goodbye to 2006 and the winter holiday season, we have a summary review and commentary of Merry Christmas, Amelia Bedelia, a children’s book featuring a sexy and extremely literal-minded maid. Something tells me that this character is in the wrong country — I wonder what would have happened if she’d ended up working in Japan instead of America. I doubt that a book chronicling those adventures would be appropriate for children! 😐

Best wishes for 2007, everyone.

MERRY XMAS, AMELIA BEDELIA!!!

And here’s the last piece of the year: a summary review and commentary of Merry Christmas, Amelia Bedelia, a kids’ book that details the holiday escapades of America’s most hilarious housekeeper. She’s hawt, too.  (12/31/06)

MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE!!!

In the final minutes of Christmas 2006, here’s a review of the Transformatrix Optimus Prime knockoff! This $1 figure may not be up to par with Hasbro’s latest releases, but he’s hard to beat at such a low price.  (12/25/06)

Okay, I’m barely squeezing this one through for the second Christmas Day update, but here it is: a review of a dollar store Transformatrix action figure, affectionately known to me as Bootleg Optimus Prime. As noted, despite the passing of the holiday, I do still have legitimate Christmas reviews to finish — so expect to see those in the upcoming days! If all goes well, I should have another one for you tomorrow. 🙂

That said, Scary-Crayon and I hope that you enjoy the article — and that you had a merry Christmas (or equivalent winter holiday)!

MERRY STRANGE CHRISTMAS!!!

And here’s your holiday surprise — the final installment of The Absolute Strangest Christmas Story Ever Told! Okay, maybe it’s not much of a surprise, but still. And hey — even if you hate the story, at least now it’s over.  (12/25/06)

THE STRANGE END IS NEAR!

The thirteenth part of The Absolute Strangest Christmas Story Ever Told again finds Santa Claus in the company of Wonrat and Rattoo as they debate the meaning of the winter holiday season. It’s deep and strange.  (12/25/06)

And here’s one of your holiday presents — the thirteenth and fourteenth (and FINAL) parts of The Absolute Strangest Christmas Story Ever Told! That’s not all you get, though — I’m planning to update the site with at least one more article before the day is through. And there are definitely two Christmas pieces I want to get up (one of which will probably not make it for tomorrow’s update), so there will definitely be more festive stuff before the year is over! I mean, people don’t take down their trees until January 1st, right? Christmas articles are still fair game, then. 😉

Haaaaaaaappy holidays, minna-san!

Also, in case you did not notice, I have upgraded the blog to WordPress v2.05. Not that you should notice, though, because nothing should have changed! If you see something that’s broken, however, do bring it to my attention. Thanks. 🙂

COUNTDOWN TO STRANGEMAS

If you’ve ever wondered what two giant, intelligent wharf rats would say to each other, you’ve come to the right place! The Absolute Strangest Christmas Story Ever Told continues with the twelfth segment. Yay.  (12/19/06)

DON’T TALK TO STRANGERS!

Things are actually starting to wind down in the eleventh segment of The Absolute Strangest Christmas Story Ever Told. Who ever would have guessed that Santa would end up here? Nobody with a rational mind…  (12/19/06)

WHEN YOU’RE STRANGE…

If it were not a story, The Absolute Strangest Christmas Story Ever Told would be too strange for words! But it is a story, and stories usually have words, so its strangeness takes the form of words. This is the tenth part.  (12/19/06)

Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #91!

Imagine a snack aisle with Rachel Ray staring at you from almost every box with her beady eyes and Smylex-induced grin. Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #91 reveals that her recipes aren’t as great as she’d like to think.  (12/19/06)

And now it’s time for the next three segments in The Absolute Strangest Christmas Story Ever Told: TEN, ELEVEN, and TWELVE! Only two more left to go, people… then the fiction posted on the site will be decidedly less strange and random. Hopefully it won’t be a letdown! 🙂

We’ve also got Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #91 for you — I was going to illustrate this in my usual goofy Sharpie marker style, but then I got lazy and didn’t feel like doing any scanning so I figured I’d try some quick photomanipulation similar to what I’ve been doing with the “artwork” that has accompanied the story segments. Kinda makes me wish they sold Rachel Ray dolls — I’d totally dye one’s hair green and bleach its skin, though I’m not exactly sure how that latter part would work. I used to think she was sort of hot, but now she just scares me. And she’s freaking everywhere! Moderation, Rachel Ray is not thy name. 😐

P.S. If anyone from the Food Network or whatnot happens to read this article, a cooking/talk show hosted by ME would totally be more interesting than Double-R’s stuff. Seriously, look at the Foodstuffs articles! I’d like to see Rachel Ray top The Legendary Glazed Toroid Fishstick Sandwich. 😛

STRANGE STRANGER STRANGEST

Scary-Crayon’s batshit insane holiday epic, The Absolute Strangest Christmas Story Ever Told, just keeps getting stranger. The same goes for the images that accompany the text. The ninth part has goblin shark pics!  (12/11/06)

THIS STORY IS STRANGE, DUDES.

And appropriately so — for if it were not, how could it rightly call itself The Absolute Strangest Christmas Story Ever Told? In the eldritch eighth segment, among other things, we ponder the titles of various rooms. Yes.  (12/11/06)

IS IT ABOUT CHRISTMAS YET, PA?!

The Absolute Strangest Christmas Story Ever Told finally starts to live up to its holiday namesake as Santa steps up to take a definitive role in the seventh installment. The story’s still surpassingly strange, though!  (12/11/06)

Again, I really do apologize for the lack of updates — here’s my attempt to sort of compensate. Admittedly, there’s not too much substantial content here outside of the novel segments, but, um… yeah, I tried. We’ve got A Crayon Haiku #54 (which I’ve had around for a while; dunno why I haven’t posted it yet) and a frustrating #55; we’ve got Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #90 (only ten more to go before the big 1-0-0!); and, perhaps most importantly, we’ve got THREE new segments of The Absolute Strangest Christmas Story Ever Told, as Parts Seven, Eight, and Nine (spelled out for improved clickability!) are now online. ‘Cause I told you, this thing is going to be up in full by December 25. 2006. Not 2007. There’s more holiday stuff on the way, too. 🙂

Speaking of holiday stuff, the Donatello Christmas Tradition continues this year with FOUR (4!) Dons for the kiddies — one of whom is TMNT: Fast Forward’s new Dark Don. Okay, so he’s not technically Donatello, but he’s got his DNA and technical knowhow and stuff so I am counting him. He is definitely not mellow, though. Especially not for a turtle.

Aaand thanks to Jax for the Jagun Fighters and tapioca balls (yeah…!) pictured in the latest Hot Flash. The uncertainty with respect to their names on the content pages is because while I was able to locate a Jagun Fighter that more/less matched the appearance of the one on the left on Bandai’s Jagun Fighters page — Yamaru — I haven’t a clue who the other one is. I called him Leech because he reminds me of Hordak’s old henchman, who can be seen in the classic (or maybe just really old) SC feature entitled A Random Lunch #1. We’ve sure come a long way, eh?

That said, here’s to Scary-Crayon’s upcoming three-year anniversary in 2007! And here’s to a happy holiday season for all.

A Crayon Haiku #55!

My laptop screen drives me crazy. I try my hardest to keep it clean, but it only gets dirtier! My desktop monitor, bless its Windows-taskbar-burned-into-the-bloody-screen soul, never gave me this much grief. Have a haiku.  (12/11/06)

Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #90!

The Jagun Fighters return! Their simplicity makes them ideal for Hot Flashes, see. Anyway, in Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #90, Yamaru and, um, uh… Leech discuss the Hostess truck. The slogan is real, by the way.  (12/11/06)