FRANK SUDOL'S CITY OF ROTT

With Halloween being just around the corner, we figured it was about time for a zombie film review -- and how could we go wrong with a gore-filled, animated zombie movie? Um... enter Frank Sudol's City of Rott.  (10/2/06)

HIP HOP LOCOS IS AWFUL.

If you've ever wanted to experience a night on the town with two pot-smoking thugs who say "ey" and "esse" and "holmes" about eight billion times per sentence, Hip Hop Locos is the film for you! I despised this movie.  (8/7/06)

TMNT: THE NEW SERIES!!!

Okay, so it's in its fourth season and thus isn't all that new anymore, but here's Scary-Crayon's review of the current show. Then, while examining 4Kids' DVDouble Shots, we check out the new Shredder's first appearance!  (4/3/06)

X3: THE TRAILER REVIEW.

More X-Men on Scary-Crayon! Unfortunately, their arrival is not as welcome this time around, as all indications from the X-Men 3: The Last Stand trailer suggest that the film is going to suck even worse than the first two.  (3/16/06)

THAT'S SO RAVEN RACIST.

Yes, "That's So Raven" is a terrible show, but at least it's harmless, right? Wrong. Welcome to the Black History Month episode, in which Raven champions racist hiring practices while making a total ass of herself.  (2/28/06)

RECENT COMMERCIALS I DISLIKE.

I actually got pissed off writing this article. Commercials should make me want to buy stuff, not blow up people -- yet that's exactly the effect that these recent commercials I don't like very much had on me. Read on.  (2/5/06)

PETER JACKSON'S KING KONG!!!

Well, we finally got around to seeing Peter Jackson's King Kong remake. Read on for the official Scary-Crayon review of this unnecessarily long and pointless film that could've been summed up in a single sentence.  (1/23/06)

THE STREET FIGHTERS RETURN!!!

It's true: Colonel William F. Guile and friends are back in this "Street Fighter: The Animated Series" episode review! And yes, kids, that's Chun-Li as a vampire. She's so evil. And skanky. And I think she's kinda gay...  (1/11/06)

FLIGHTPLAN: AN AUDIO REVIEW!!!

So I recently saw Jodie Foster in Flightplan and hated it so much that I decided to talk about how much I despised the film for over 27 minutes. Seriously. Listen for yourself in Scary-Crayon's first audio film review!  (10/27/05)

Protégé de la Rose Noire, Part 2!

And now, Scary-Crayon presents the second and final part of our Protégé de la Rose Noire review! Watch in awe as the random and seemingly pointless stuff from the first part actually proves useful in the final battle.  (10/15/05)

Protégé de la Rose Noire, Part 1!

Yes, Virginia, that guy is dressed up as Robin -- and that's hardly the craziest thing that Protégé de la Rose Noire has to offer. Insanity and violence abound in the first of this two-part Scary-Crayon film review!  (10/7/05)

Tales of Seduction by U-Jin, Part 3!

In the final installment of our Tales of Seduction by U-Jin review, we see a love quadrangle involving two workers, their boss, and his daughter -- and the return of Toyama no Benbei! I wouldn't read it at work, though.  (9/19/05)

I'd rather watch EL OJO ROJO!!!

Wes Craven's Red Eye debuted last weekend to pretty good reviews from a number of credible sources, but I'm not going to see it because the teaser trailer fucking lied to me. The movie I wanted to see? El Ojo Rojo.  (8/27/05)

Tales of Seduction by U-Jin, Part 2!

In part two of our Tales of Seduction by U-Jin review, we meet Toyama no Benbei, the smoothest hired rapist ever! WARNING: This piece may not be work-safe! There's no graphic nudity, but there are questionable ethics!  (8/2/05)

Tales of Seduction by U-Jin, Part 1!

Wanna see teenage girls fucked by a creepy songwriter? You're in luck! Enter U-Jin's Tales of Seduction, the first of a three-part SC review! WARNING: This article may not be entirely work-safe! Read at your own risk.  (7/11/05)

MUPPETS DON'T BELONG IN OZ.

The Muppets are making a comeback -- and with Disney running the show, it won't be long until Kermit and friends are back on the top! Unless they keep turning out shit like The Muppets' Wonderful Wizard of Oz, that is.  (5/23/05)

ATHENA AND THE ANGEL...

When Athena's boyfriend died, she resigned herself to a melancholy life of mourning -- and then, one stormy night, an angel crash landed on her balcony! Learn to love again in the Scary-Crayon review of Lavender.  (5/16/05)

Stephen King's SLEEPWALKERS!!!

In this latest film review, Scary-Crayon takes a look at Stephen King's Sleepwalkers, a movie about incestuous shapeshifting cat people that feast on the souls of virgin girls. The chaste lasses never get a break.  :(  (4/8/05)