Happy Labor Day, crayon fans! As you (hopefully) relax on your day off, why not catch up on some reading? But given the nature of the holiday, comprehending what’s going on in part three of The Absolute Strangest Christmas Story Ever Told might be too much work. After all, how does one make sense of nonsense? That is arguably an existential question.

I think my favorite passage in this part is the bit with the library spiders. 🙂

By the way, for those of you who’ve taken an interest in paper crafts following last time’s Dalek piece and have some skill with 3D modeling programs, this Pepakura Designer program might be of interest. You’d want your models to be fairly simple, though.

You might also want to try your hand at making a simple optical illusion dragon. The reality doesn’t fool me at all (though it is a cool model), but the interesting thing is that when I filmed it with my digicam, the illusion totally works in the video. But then, I can’t see magic eye puzzles either. Note that while this page attempts to provide an explanation — not for this particular problem, but for Spy Kids 3D and 3D-type stuff in general — that the illusion works when viewed by the camera’s monocular lense seems to debunk it. It’s also worth noting that the illusion failed for me even when I wore my glasses. Strange!

But not as strange as today’s fictional installment. 🙂

It’s true: Genesis of the Homemade Daleks: Part 2 (!!!) is finally online. No excuses, but part of the reason I took so long with this is that the Dalek-making process continued to evolve even as I began writing the piece, including the addition of the LED lights right up through my attempt to replace the paper dome in the latest model with a rounder plastic hemisphere just this past weekend. Anyway, given that the directions are detailed in full at The Ultimate Dalek Factory, the majority of this article contains my musings about the creation process, the improvements upon the original design, my comments regarding the new colored templates themselves (along with the downloads!), and various other issues that came up during the creation of the revised paper Dalek. One thing I didn’t mention, however, is that the dollar store Fix-All Adhesive that I used in place of the craptastic glue stick at certain points (which I also used last time) is apparently known to cause cancer in the state of California. I’m not sure why it would cause cancer in California and not elsewhere, but if I happen to become violently ill and die within the next six months, you can truthfully say that I was exterminated by Daleks. Long live Skaro-Crayon.

I also wanted to add some general comments about the Dalek toys and toys in general. During my various Dalek-related web searches, I came across this article on the BBC site regarding the creation of the Doctor Who toys. It’s an interesting piece, but I think that the viewpoint expressed by Alasdair Dewar in the content — at least when taken to the extreme, which it arguably has been when one can’t find a decent Dalek toy under $30 — is exactly the reason that the toy industry is hurting. I quote:

There has to be a drive against producing cheap – but essentially poor value – goods with a logo slapped on them. … Whenever a feature film comes out there are a lot of cheap giveaway toys that appear via fast food outlets etc. Very rarely do these have any real function, play value or integrity relating to the actual film. It’s most often an existing mechanism or idea redressed. I hate that, as that really is just ‘label slapping’ and offers no long-term play or fun to the kids. … You may not get the remote control Dalek without Mum and Dad’s help, but I bet you’re still playing with it long after you get it.

And while I guess I share Dewar’s apparent disdain for cheap licensed toys — and by “cheap” I mean things that fall apart at a ginger touch, not cheap in that they aren’t remote controlled talking things with various lights and whatnot — I recall being extremely excited about getting those cheap McDonald’s Happy Meal and Burger King Kids’ Club offerings as a kid. (Hell, even now, if Dairy Queen offered cheap Dalek figurines with every Blizzard, I’d have brain freeze for days.) So maybe I’m taking Dewar’s comments too far, but I think the larger problem with toys these days is that the folks designing and marketing them aren’t thinking like kids. Simply put, today’s toys — or at least today’s “boy” toys — aren’t really for kids. I mean, just look at them. Remember the Spider-Man 2 figures, with their 39 and 46 points of articulation? I don’t know who that was for, but I don’t even think I knew what articulation meant when I was in elementary school. Many of those Spidey figures are still hanging from pegs at Toys ‘R’ Us stores across America — the ones that didn’t close for lack of business, anyway — at this very moment.

When I was a kid, sure, I got a kick out of RC gadgets and motorized toys, but contrary to Dewar’s remarks, these expensive offerings were rarely toys that I played with for very long. The one larger toy that actually had staying power in my toy collection was the Dino Riders T-Rex — and not because it advanced and roared with the flip of a button, but because the T-Rex could fairly easily be integrated into my adventures with other toys. I removed and misplaced the armor for it ages ago and the D battery that powered it calcified in place, but it’s still within eyeshot of me even as I type this article. The Shredder rode on its back as the Foot battled the TMNT in prehistoric times; it once worked for the Penguin and gnawed away at the top of the Batmobile; the McDonald’s Happy Meal Super Mario Bros. toys bounced on its back and called it Papa Yoshi as they pursued Tokka (who, for the purposes of that adventure, became King Koopa) through farthest regions of the Mushroom Kingdom.

But you can’t do that with a RC toy, which is essentially a solitary beast. You’ve got to use both hands to control the damned thing! They don’t work terribly well in situations where one would want to play with multiple toys, so they command a kid’s exclusive attention during playtime — and after I drove my cars around the cul de sac for about a week and showed them off to my three friends, they were promptly relegated to the bottom of that yellow crate in my closet. I was never keen on talking figures either — they were cool when they first appeared on the scene, but soon after getting them I stopped using their talking functions altogether. Again, it had to do with integrating them into toy adventures, and for that to happen figures have to be able to speak more than three scripted lines ad infinitum with the same freaking inflection every time. I preferred to do their lines myself.

Maybe today’s kids have changed — or maybe they’re different in the UK — and are clamoring for uber-expensive talking RC Daleks. Maybe I was (and remain, I guess!) an unusual kid. I dunno. Were I a kid today, I would’ve been happy with a silent, stationary figure that opened up to reveal the freaking Dalek mutant inside. I can move a toy with my own hands and bellow, “EXTERMINATE!” as loudly as I please (it’s kinda fun, really), but little creative touches like that go a long way towards really bringing toys to life. Toys with kung fu chopping action got old quick, but I still fondly remember Storage Shell Michaelangelo. A secret compartment to house all of the accessories — not to mention that jewel Shredder needs to complete his doomsday device — built into the figure? Pure genius, and I’m shocked that the new line hasn’t seen fit to implement this feature. The Mutations figures paled in comparison.

Seriously, out of all of the new Doctor Who merchandise, I’ve got to say that the thing I want most is the Dalek shower and bath gel. It’s cheap, it looks the part, and I imagine that the head screws off and it’s got a hollow interior, which means it could easily support a tiny Kaled mutant with a few modifications on my part. And it’s not even really a toy!

Anyway, thanks for reading — and remember to show me your Daleks! That voice you hear is your inner Davros shouting, “EXTERMINATE!!!” 🙂

Aaand I have returned, as promised, with the second installment of The Absolute Strangest Christmas Story Ever Told! I’ve also added some navigational code to the pages so that y’all will be able to pop back and forth and up and down between segments when more get posted, ’cause you’ll need all the help you can get trekking through the insanity. 🙂

Also, short toy comics make their return with Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #85! With me going through my collection to see what I can keep and what I must sell, there should be a lot more to come in the near future. I’ll probably be hanging onto these, though. This is probably my favorite of the old line yellow-clad April figures (though she may lose her favored spot if Playmates makes a similarly-dressed April figure in the future), and I haven’t been particularly impressed with the new Teen Titans ‘toon figs (admittedly, some do look great, but they’re so tiny). And we can’t do Titans comics without Titans toys, can we?

Anyway, hopefully the Dalek madness will resume at some point this coming week! I’m also thinking about breaking from the 50K-word novel posts to share another short story, but I may do that after the third part. We’ll see. Until then, ja!

Sorry I haven’t posted the second part of the Daleks piece yet. My situation has grown increasingly unpleasant and worrisome in the last week and I honestly haven’t been feeling up to making Daleks — as is suggested by the latest installment of Crayon Poetry Corner (which you might already have seen on Wesoteric, but the graphic is new). Also, remember that National Novel Writing Month project of mine from 2004? Well, given that I may be homeless within a month or two (which would kind of preclude my ability to update SC), I’ve decided to post the novel here in 3500-word segments (give or take) so that interested folks will have the opportunity to read it. I’m also planning to post more of my fiction in the coming weeks, hence the new folder.

You know, I was planning to say a lot more in this post — much of which admittedly wouldn’t be terribly glad or optimistic — but instead I’d just like to take another moment to thank everyone for reading. I’m not sure what’s going to happen in the near future, but I’ve enjoyed running Scary-Crayon these past two and a half years. Thanks for spending them (or however long you’ve been reading!) with me. 🙂

Before we proceed to part two of our Dalek-making feature, here’s a Spectare review of a reprehensible film I had the displeasure of watching recently: Hip Hop Locos. You don’t have to take my word for it, as I’ve included several definitive clips of the movie in action, but it’s pretty terrible stuff. As noted towards the end of the review, however, the rest of the set may not be so bad. I rather enjoyed I Hate You, a strange little flick about an aging New York City comic whose obsession with being remembered and acknowledged for his work drives him to become a serial killer. The movie also features his actual comedy routines, which are so focused on murder that I can’t imagine anyone finding them genuinely funny… which kind of makes them unintentionally hilarious. (Heck, while I’m at it, check out this clip from the movie: 2:04 mins, 1.05 MB.) So don’t let my review of Hip Hop Locos deter you from purchasing Serial Psychos if you happen to come across it — considering that you get six films for the price of admission, it’s still entirely possible that the others will overwhelmingly redeem the set. I’ll keep you posted.

By the way — assuming that you’re brave enough to watch them — I’d be particularly interested in hearing what you think of the clips (and the general idea of including clips in Spectare reviews, for that matter), so do feel free to share here. 🙂

As promised, here’s more Dalek madness with a bona fide arts ‘n’ crafts feature — Genesis of the Homemade Daleks: Part 1! I realize this may not have a ton of appeal for readers who don’t have kids and/or can afford to drop $50 for an official Dalek (to say nothing of folks who don’t care about the things at all!), but at the very least you can read it and laugh about what a loser your 25-year-old must be to undertake such a goofy, childish project. Alrighty then. 😐

In the upcoming second part, we’ll make even more homemade Daleks based on the pattern at The Ultimate Dalek Factory. There will, however, be several really nifty upgrades to the procedure. For your money, this is the method that’ll net you the most authentic-looking Dalek for the lowest price (even cheaper than this first outing) — so unless you’d really like to try this with children or are particularly keen on the cuteness of the shuttlecock Daleks (and they are cute), you’ll want to hold out for that one.

And I meant that stuff about being interested in additional quick and cheap Dalek-making ideas, so do share if you happen to have some. I’ll probably break down and buy one of the more expensive official Daleks (or maybe one of these cool handmade ones) in the near future, but until then I’ll have to settle for increasing my army via bootleg tactics. 😉

And here’s another one for the upcoming video game section (i.e., the category page I intend to create whenever I get around to tweaking the links on the site layout) — three reviews of games featuring DALEKS. As noted in the article, there are far more than three such games, but these are some of the more notable ones for various reasons. In the case of Doctor Who: Dalek Attack, that reason is that it’s as freaking hard as Dalekanium. There are supposedly different Daleks in the game as you progress, so if you happen to be freaking awesome and actually get to them, do feel free to send me screencaps. Not that I’ll necessarily use them for future Hot Flashes (though there’s an idea) — I mostly just wanna see what the buggers look like. ‘Cause I really like ’em Daleks.

Not sure if it’ll be next time — ’cause there are tons of articles on deck — but there is definitely more Dalek madness on the way. STAY TUNED!

No, Virginia, Scary-Crayon is NOT dead! Been away for a while, I know, and that food piece that I was supposed to post weeks ago was never seen… until now. The genesis of one of the most horrific Foodstuffs concoctions to date — the MONSTROUS STRAWBERRY OMELETTE WITH CHEESE AND WHIPPED CREAM SANDWICH — has finally been documented in full for your reading displeasure. Hey, at least you didn’t have to eat the mutant abomination.

Also, lucky you if you haven’t been subjected to any conversations of this nature — especially on forums in the wake of Superman’s return to the big screen. Admittedly, some of the dialogue is fabricated based on conversations that I’ve had about other superheroes, but the general core of the nerd identity is intact — a compulsion to appear extremely knowledgeable about a certain given subject and the necessity of making a positive assertion in the face of any instance in which that knowledge is shown to be lacking. Mostly, this includes simply dismissing the material as being “ghey” or otherwise discrediting it, but at times the nerd will go so far as to reiterate your own question in the form of a statement in order to avoid admitting that he/she is unfamiliar with the product in question. At others — and I didn’t document this technique in the comic because hell if I felt like doing the research required to make an assertion along those lines — they will make a tangential connection and then begin spewing trivia about said connection in an attempt to wow you and reassert themselves as definitive nerds. For example, a nerd who has not seen X-Men: The Last Stand will note that Chris Claremont had a brief cameo in the movie and then go on to detail Claremont’s entire upbringing and career progression to date. Seriously.

The line about the Legos was actually derived from a comment overheard during my brief stint at the local comic shop, by the way — in the context of a conversation that had absolutely nothing to do with Legos. I frequented Taco Bell back when they did that whole Godzilla movie promotion in 1998. Just like that, except the true nerd would also note that he/she owns every single one of the plastic collectors’ cups featuring the American bastardization of everyone’s favorite kaiju. Yes.

I’m not making any promises about things to come on the site — we see how timely this update has been — but assuming that all goes well and it’s not another two to three weeks before I write anything new, here’s a hint: EXTERMINATE!!!

How I envy you if you’ve never had to deal with this type of person — the kind that introduces a recent instance from his/her life and then proceeds to tell a long, drawn out, inane, and utterly fucking pointless story that has absolutely nothing to do with said incident until the very end, at which point the story concludes exactly where it began with absolutely no illumination whatsoever concerning the defining moment. 90% of these stories begin and end with the sighting of some woman with a “bangin'” body, but you will never hear any additional details about what this bangin’ body actually entails unless you explicitly request them at the conclusion of the story — but instead of doing that I advise you to get the hell away from this person ASAP because further exposure to the stupidity could induce irreversible brain damage. “Yo I saw this bangin’ girlie the other night” is moronspeak for “get ready to hear an extremely detailed and thoroughly uninteresting recap of how my entire fucking mundane day went.” Unbelievable.

And technically this is going up late on the night of the 26th, but I’m calling it the 27th on the content pages because I can totally do that. 😉

Food article later this week, seriously.

Hey all! I still don’t have that food piece I promised ready for you (soon, soon!), but here’s the annual Scary-Crayon Father’s Day tribute article. The 2006 honoree? Buraiking Boss — primarily as he’s depicted in the “Casshan” animes, though I do throw a nod to the more human version depicted in the 2004 live action film. You’ve probably never heard of any of this stuff, but I hope you’ll find it to be at least marginally interesting and maybe intriguing enough to give the media a look. 🙂

Considering 2005’s pick of M. Bison, I seem to have a certain affinity for these “evil” environmentalist characters with cool hats.

Wow, has it been that long since I’ve posted to the site? Ugh, sorry about that. I don’t have that food article ready, but here’s a goofy single-image Hot Flash for y’all in the meantime. And unlike most of the drawings on Scary-Crayon, it’s actually (mostly) done in crayon! w00t. 🙂

For those of you who don’t quite get what’s going on with the pic, it concerns Billie Piper, who stars in the current “Doctor Who” series but who, circa 1998-2000, was a British teen pop star. Admittedly, while the show wasn’t terrible — overall I’d say it was decent entertainment, but nothing spectacular enough to warrant its inclusion on a must-see list — it was Piper that kept me watching, since I actually remember her from way back when. Granted, I wasn’t as familiar with her musical catalogue as most British fans, but I was surprised to learn that a lot of American viewers weren’t aware that she was a former pop star at all. Seems like “She Wants You” was on the radio quite a bit back in the day.

Anyway, if you want to see some British music videos from last century, pop on over to YouTube (which has like, everything these days) and check out Billie in the following links:

“Because We Want To”
“Day & Night”
“Girlfriend”
“Something Deep Inside”
“Walk of Life”

There are some live performances on there too (search for “Billie Piper”), if you’re interested. And I’m guessing she got shot with one of those cure darts from the pretty lame X-Men: The Last Stand (it was so lame that I can’t even rant about how lame it was, sorry), seeing as how she appears to have lost her mutant ability to fashion dancing metal men from trash cans and bring goofy cartoon boys to life. 😐

I guess laundromats are popular hangouts for British youth.

No articles today; just wanted to pass along the message. Hopefully we’ll have something for you by Friday, though. In the meantime, try not to get impaled on pitchforks and buried up to the neck in excrement… 😈

In addition to an introductory commentary on the Chinatowns that I’ve visited in recent years, the latest article contains reviews of three import games that I picked up during my 2002 visit to Vancouver. I’m not exactly sure if they’re demo discs or not; with the possible exception of one, they all run for about the appropriate length of a demo before freezing. Then again they are pretty scratched, so that could be part of the problem. At any rate, while I’m not terribly sad about my inability to play further into the games, I would be pretty interested in hearing any information you have on them — particularly regarding Magnetic Power Microman: Generation 2000 — so do feel free to enlighten me. This goes for any info regarding the Microman anime as well. There’s lots of stuff on Microman Forever concerning the toys, but unfortunately little else.

I think next time we’ll have another food article. ‘Till then, ja! 🙂

I started writing this as a response to some of the comments on the previous article and post, but it got so long I decided it should be its own post. Included are a general mini review of some popular EN sites today, more trivia concerning the origins of Scary-Crayon and stuff, and an apology to the readers who’ve sent me e-mails but to whom I’ve neglected to reply. Good times. 😛

So in response to agustinaldo’s suggestion, I think reviewing other EN sites in depth would be pretty pointless. They’ve all got articles I like and articles I don’t — and though some have more hits than misses, it’s really as simple as that. I also largely dislike most of the larger sites these days because of what they’ve become. I can’t even view X-E on my desktop without the numerous Flash ads slowing it to a crawl and the last time I visited I-Mock it was a mess of popups and stupid “wait 30 seconds” pages featuring javascript balloons telling me I was the 8,283,712th visitor to the page or something and had won some random shit. I-Mock also seems more like a super vanity project to me than anything else these days. It’s cool to see a photo of the article’s author engaged in using the product during a given review (especially when the author is female and attractive or is wearing zombie makeup for no significant reason), but when you’ve got 2+ MB animated gifs with Photoshopped effects in almost every article, you’re just being a vainglorious asshole. I remember one pic of RoG that was zoomed in so close you could see his fucking nose hairs. I’ve got no problems with Seanbaby’s page, but does he even update anymore? (more…)

It’s been a loooong while since we’ve had one of these, but my sister happened to leave the February 2002 issue of Cosmopolitan on the floor during her last visit and I took it as a sign that it was time for another of our magazine cover reviews. I actually ended up reading and/or skimming most of the cover material, but eh, a little brain damage never hurt anyyyyahsijdaokdas I’m okay really so ignore the thin trickle of blood running down my philtrum. And maybe it’s my other writing project influencing my style this time around, but something made me want to see how many strange references and analogies I could pack into this review without it detracting from the discussion at hand. I think I did okay in that respect. Please to enjoy article, thanks!

And then we’ve got A Crayon Haiku #51. I know some of my readers out there know Japanese (or whatever these characters are), so feel free to comment or send an e-mail to let me know what the heck this says. I’m counting on you guys! There was no text in the body of the e-mail, so I’m not sure what to make of it. Part of me wants to believe that the Japanese Conky was sending me that day’s secret word so I’d know when to scream. I guess in Japan the screaming would be accompanied by a complete color change to blue with an optional sweatdrop and/or backwards collapse to the floor. See, references. Don’t you wish you had a crazy helmet with a Madball in it?

Until next time, minna-san!

P.S. The blog has finally been upgraded to WordPress 2.02. Excelsior!

By special request, I’ve updated yesterday’s examination of the early PC versions of Street Fighter II with three videos of Dhalsim doing what he does best — KILLING YOU! Note also that Dhalsim is one of the few characters who can actually juggle opponents off of his throw (Blanka being the other notable one). If you’re good, you can even follow it up with a Yoga fire. Not that any of this finesse is necessary, though. On anything except the very highest difficulty levels, you can beat the whole game as Dhalsim by just jamming on the kick button. You’d take the occasional fireball in the face (the sick damage factor on the upper levels is what makes playing them a little tougher), but that’s about it.

Dhalsim vs. Chun-Li (674 KB)
Dhalsim vs. Balrog (859 KB)
Dhalsim vs. Sagat (589 KB)

The reason I didn’t have Dhalsim videos before: I hate playing as him. In this game, Dhalsim’s the guy that you pick because you have to, not because you want to. If his regular attacks weren’t so cheap, he’d be a terrible character. His jumps are the lowest of any character in the game and almost all of his airborne attacks hit at a distance — and because you can only be hit once by a jumping opponent, this gives your opponent plenty of time to set up a vicious counterattack. Projectile attacks aren’t terribly useful in this game, making the Yoga Fire not so great, and the Yoga Flame is absolutely worthless. (Actually, special moves in general kinda suck in this game.) But you pick him because if you don’t pick him, you have to fight him — and given his ridiculous cheapness, beating him can sometimes prove all but impossible.

I don’t like Dhalsim
he’s so goddamned fucking cheap
he’ll kick you to death

Until next time!

You wouldn’t believe how much time I spent playing and screencapping these damned games and writing this review, but here you are: a somewhat detailed look at the early PC versions of Street Fighter II. Note that I stopped italicizing the title’s abbreviated acronym form fairly early in this article, which I think is going to be ASCN (accepted Scary-Crayon notation) from here on out. As much as I like italics, I get sick of typing <-i->-W-O-R-D-<-/-i-> every time I want to mention something by title. I’m guessing I’ll keep the italics for one-word movie title abbreviations, though.

Hmm, that was kinda technical (I just know you found it to be terribly interesting, though), so here’s something decidedly less so — a wav file that I accidentally recorded while screencapping SFIBM 1.98. Sounds like the kind of thing that would set a class of sixth graders giggling to me.

And let us not forget Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #81, which features screencaps from the new TMNT toon with modified subtitles from yours truly. The comic is named for the episode: “Rogue in the House”.

Finally, again, I apologize about the length of time it’s taken me to update. Hopefully playing these games will keep you busy until I get around to posting another article (send me Sagat screencaps, damnit! pleeease ;_;), but in the event that you’re looking for more reading material, Greg recently posted an interesting article about his hometown of Fairfield, CA, on Pop Arena. Molly posts weekly TV movie recaps and other fun pieces on Alligator Juice. And I can’t vouch for the other stuff on SydLexia.com, but I came across this review of the arcade SF1 while searching for the PC version download. Distractions can be amusing.

All for now, minna-san. Until next time, remember: DISCIPLINE, JUSTICE, COMMITMENT!!! 😀

Again, apologies for the lack of updates as of late. Hope y’all are finding other reading material and stuff to keep you entertained. No Street Fightery goodness yet for you (patience, grasshoppers), but here’s a new Hot Flash based upon — holy fuck a cat just ran past my second-floor window. That’s crazy! — the Silent Hill film currently in theaters.

My SPOILER ALERT review: I kinda liked it, but this is not a good film. In fact, parts of it — including the beginning and the conclusion — are downright stupid. Now, I’m not familiar with the games, so I’ll grant that there may be additional backstory and such required to actually make sense of the story, but as a standalone film the critics are right to pan this movie. Mind you, it’s certainly not without its cool and freaky points. In fact, they make the film somewhat frustrating in that one can view them and imagine how they might have been utilized in a better film — a film that lacked the pointless and even more confusing subplot with Sean Bean or a scene that included a better rationale for a woman dragging her daughter to a haunted town that’s been closed off because of poisonous fumes rising from underneath it (DUMB). I mean, just a simple scene with a psychiatrist recommending taking the daughter to the town might’ve sufficed; at least then we could shift the blame from the principal character to this unnamed crackpot. The movie also plays out a little too much like a video game. At first it’s kind of cool to see the survival horror game framing and the camera panning about the stages and the way the characters follow the simple clues, but after a while it just gets boring.

And while I understand that some of the stupidity in the film is part of the games’ mythology, I really could’ve done without the fanatical townspeople and the witch burnings. That part could’ve played out better if there had been more emphasis on just how their actions had backfired — say, some rite involving the seal was misperformed, thereby opening the gateway to HELL — but I just wasn’t too keen on the whole thing being the result of some little girl’s nightmare fantasy. What the fuck was that little girl smoking to imagine shit like that? I guess having your flesh cooked will put extreme horror in your head. Not that Silent Hill was scary, mind you, because it wasn’t. At all. Certain characters were creepy, but any Clive Barker film has this film totally licked in that department.

Overall, I’d give Silent Hill a C/C-. On a scale of 1-10 stars, I’d give it 4 or 5. I didn’t hate it, but reading these orgasmic reviews on IMDb still makes me want to smack the shit out of the people that totally loved it. It may be the best video game adaptation to date (that’s gotten a U.S. theatrical release, anyway; tons of neat animes have been produced) — until a second viewing convinces me otherwise, however, I’m still giving that honor to Mortal Kombat — but that really isn’t saying much.

Pyramid Head is a really cool guy, though. 🙂