''Blogs are not frogs.''
June 10, 2009
Comics, Haiku, and a T-600 review!

Indeed! So this is probably the largest update we’ve had in quite a while, though two out of three of today’s features aren’t insanely substantial (though hopefully they are a tiny bit amusing). First up, Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #108 — which actually features three one-panel comics rather than the usual one. Does anybody remember the Wuzzles, or is it really just me? And thanks again to TAO of Articulated Discussion for the Captain Cold figure, which I won in his contest for April! w00t!

One of these days I’m gonna have a contest over here, though I doubt I’ll give away anything half as cool as a Legion of Doom member. As seen in today’s installment of A Crayon Haiku — which covers #132-135 — that brings me just two members away from completing the team! I’ll probably end up eBaying a DC Direct Cheetah, but I’m kinda torn about what to do for Giganta. I’m not really serious about keeping Ginormica on the team for the long haul… at least not without some customization. And speaking of customization, you can see my mostly complete Foot ninja custom in ACH #132! The base figure was obviously a Spectacular Spider-Man figure, but I also did some sculpting on him. I’ll give a full rundown of the process once I’ve truly finished him. Oh, and Shockwave. SHOCKWAVE. I initially disliked the toy, but now I kinda like him. Perhaps that $20 refund had something to do with it!

And then we’ve got our more substantial offering for today — a review of Playmates Toys’s Terminator Salvation T-600 figure! I actually kinda like the guy, but if I were giving out numerical scores I’d probably have to give him a 6/10 on the collector scale. If you’re at all interested in getting him, though, he’s probably worth picking up. (more…)

-posted by Wes | 9:28 pm | Comments (8)
June 1, 2009
Three tales of TERROR!

I really don’t have a lot to add about today’s article — a review of The Story of Frankenstein, Dracula, and the Wolfman — and since it’s late and I’m really hot (temperature-wise, I mean) I’ll keep this brief. Please let me know what you think of the review, and definitely share your thoughts if you own this CD or order it following my recommendation! It really is a fun listen, and while it wasn’t what I expected in terms of content, it definitely exceeded my expectations in terms of quality. Heck, for $1, it could’ve gotten away with being much, much worse.

Until next time! 😈

-posted by Wes | 3:08 am | Comments (3)
May 18, 2009
The Turtle that howls at the moon.

So here’s that horror-themed figure review I mentioned way back in March — Leo as the Wolfman from the old Playmates TMNT line! Like I say in the article, he’s pretty much everything you’d expect from a Turtles toy circa 1993, but he’s a freaking Ninja Turtle werewolf. That’s just awesome. By the way, I didn’t draw that Leo image for the review — I’ve had that on hand since 2004, when I drew disembodied and heavily stylized heads of the Monster Turtles for no apparent reason. Check ’em out:


Oh, and for newcomers (or longtime readers who want to revisit a classic Foodstuffs entry), the Turtle Troll image linked in the article came from our old Turtle Spew piece. I really should do another food article sometime, eh? Those were always fun. 🙂 And speaking of updates, note the additions to the blog comments — you can now reply directly to other commenters and receive e-mail notifications (if you so choose, that is) when people respond to what you’ve written. Woo.

Finally, I’d like to call your attention to a new addition to the links block: Articulated Discussion! Whenever I get a button for it, the awesome haven of bootleg toys known as The Undiscovered Playthings should be getting a link as well. And while we’re mentioning new sites (or at least sites that are more/less new to us), we should take a moment to remember the sites that are leaving or have already left us. Warehouse 8, which was a really cool UK-based gaming site, appears to have fallen off the face of the Internet, and our pal SAG of has decided to seek gold and adventure in the world beyond that of toys and figure reviews. We wish him — and the webmasters of Warehouse 8, wherever they may be — the very best!

And yes, we are aware that the Pop Arena link is also dead — I fully expect it to return just as suddenly as it vanished. We miss you, Pop Arena!

I believe the next article will include more monsters, so do join us for that. Until then… 😈

-posted by Wes | 5:17 pm | Comments (9)
April 28, 2009
Dollhouse is still lame.

Hard to believe (or not…) that it’s been over a month since the last SC update, but we’re finally back with a new piece! Despite my initial recognition that the show wasn’t very good, I’ve continued watching “Dollhouse”… and I can’t say that it’s gotten better. In fact, I now think I hate the show, mostly because it liberally embraces one of the things I despise most in any work: pseudo-philosophical bullshit. This mainly consists of shallow ideas and pronouncements masquerading as deep ones, but it’s also a problem when multiple characters advance ideas that are clearly wrong and/or questionable… yet even when these ideas are voiced to other characters who would presumably know enough to point out their flaws, nobody else calls them out. Actually, that last one is a problem even when they’re not talking about things like mind-erasing technology and eternal life, but whatever.

I doubt that we’ll have another April update, but hopefully I’ll have more content for you before another month has passed! Seeya then.

-posted by Wes | 5:09 pm | Comments (2)
March 14, 2009
A whole buncha Crayon Haiku!

I meant to get these up late on Friday the thirteenth, but I got a bit distracted by some much-needed sleep. Oh well, I suppose it’s still SPOOKY DAY on the West Coast, eh? I hope nothing bad happens to y’all out there in the remaining hours.

Anyway, lots of Crayon Haiku this update! I finally found Juggernaut, and it’s fitting that the Willow figure I ordered earlier arrived on Friday the thirteenth, what with her being a witch. Still, she’s no match for Mr. Marko.

The lack of content this week can also be explained by another distraction — customizing! After seeing the New York Comic Con pics of Playmates’ rather unfortunate Shredder, I got it into my head to make my own… and not even the news that NECA’s awesome comic Shredder will be released couldn’t deter me from this task. But it’ll look quite a bit different from the NECA version, what with the Super Shredder armor and quite different color scheme (right now I’m thinking black with purple highlights), so it’s not like I’ll be tempted to retire mine because NECA’s shows up. Heck, NECA’s will probably show up before I’ve finished. Look how long I’ve taken (and continue to take) with poor Wolverine!

Last weekend’s debut of “Power Rangers RPM” was kinda weak — and I absolutely hate the theme song — but at least the figures look pretty good alongside the Doctor and crew!

And yes, Bacardi uses a litterbox. Mostly. He’s a lot like a cat.

Anyway, even though Friday the thirteenth is over, I’m not satisfied with missing an update — so to make it up to you, I’m planning a couple of horror-themed articles in the near future. And another figure review, since I got this toy today that I really want to open, but I can’t do that until I take in-package pictures and whatnot. He’s small and I know nothing about him, so hopefully it’ll be a quick piece.

And then the Power Rangers figure roundup. Jungle Fury figures may not be around by the time I get to it… so if you’re on the fence and you happen upon one of those Jungle Master 4-packs at TRU (which is how I was finally able to get the Yellow and Wolf Rangers, even though it left me with doubles of the Red and Blue Rangers), flipping get it. They’re cool figures, and at $5 each (the set is $20), they’re quite the bargain.

Okey-doke, seeya next time. 🙂

-posted by Wes | 12:45 am | Comments (6)
March 3, 2009
Dollhouse: Not great.

I’d made up my mind to write this piece on “Dollhouse” even before I saw this Penny Arcade comic — largely because of people just like the ones Tycho mentioned in the attendant blog post. Well, not quite… the people who bother me most aren’t the ones who watch out of slavish devotion to Joss Whedon, but rather the ones whose slavish devotion to him leads them not only to blame FOX for any shortcomings the show exhibits at this point, but also to insist that the show will necessarily improve because hey, it’s a Joss Whedon show! Given that these are also the same people who view any negativity or criticism towards their beloved media as “spoiling their fun,” I admittedly derive some small pleasure in doing just that. 😉

Also — in case you couldn’t tell — I’ve been making a conscious effort to include less swearing and objectionable content in recent reviews. I’m not sure why, really (after all, this is a site that still features photos of bubbly phlegm loogies, not to mention a cartoonish image of Wolverine giving Nightcrawler a handjob), but here’s an excerpt from the original draft of today’s article before I decided to clean it up:

I almost feel bad for the guy — unless you’re spectacularly egotistical (and I tend to think Whedon is, though I have no concrete basis for that assumption), having throngs of smarmy fanboys typing “HALLELUJAH!” in response to your every creative effort has to not only get old after a while, but also really make you question whether your work is, in fact, good. If thousands of people in a given community had barely taken a breather from sucking your balls (or, for female readers, your… toes) for years on end, you’d start to doubt the veracity of their claims that your testes tasted like strawberry banana milk. After all, when was the last time they’d been able to enjoy a cool glass of the stuff? And even if they did acquire some — say, from you — would they even be able to taste it?

I’ve been drinking strawberry banana milk lately, see. It is quite delicious. Far better than balls, I’d wager.

Also, we’ve got two new haiku! Many thanks to Ken for supplying the image (which also appears here on his DeviantArt account). Ken also runs a toy blog, Figured Out, so be sure to check that out as well.

And I guess that about wraps it up for this entry! As always, thanks for reading. See you next time! :mrgreen:

-posted by Wes | 1:44 pm | Comments (6)
March 1, 2009
I do not like Human Disguise Zim.

It feels like it’s been forever, but we’ve got a new review to kick off March — Human Disguise Invader Zim! While I bought this a couple of years ago with a few other clearance figures, I only recently got around to opening it. I kinda wish I hadn’t, though, as it seemed a lot cooler while it was still in the package! Now, until I break down and get the DVD set, my last memory of Invader Zim will be an unpleasant one.

On the other hand, the second season of the show kinda sucked, so maybe that would have been the case no matter what.

In other news, while we have no new Crayon Haiku for you today, we encourage you to check out HAIKU for lots of… well, haiku. Also, SWAFT — run by our friend Tresob Yr — is apparently in the process of making a hosting change. I’ll get the links changed when that’s all complete and finalized, but do remember to check the site out over there! The subject of Charlie Clone’s latest review (revue?) is kinda unsettling.

I’ve still got that Power Ranger figure roundup in the works, but before then I might go for a Spectare review or two. If I do, it’ll come fairly soonish — we’ve gone exactly two weeks without any content, so I’m not averse to doubling (or even tripling, ha ha) up this week! But, as always, we’ll see if that actually comes to pass.

Until next time!

-posted by Wes | 7:43 am | Comments (3)
February 15, 2009
This song is bloody awful.

It’s been a while since we’ve had a feature like this, eh? Angry criticism abounds in this review of Beyoncé’s terrible new song, “Diva”! The article pretty much says all I’ve got to say about it, but really — ugh. Beyoncé should be ashamed of herself for this crap.

Of course, the public is lovin’ it. I hate the world.

-posted by Wes | 6:02 am | Comments (17)
February 2, 2009
Ninja Newscaster April!

And here’s that aforementioned retro toy review: a closer look at April, the Ninja Newscaster! Or whenever Ridiculous outfit aside, the figure’s as good as any other April Playmates has ever released — and is far hotter than all of them, including even the 2007 movie April. That may not be saying much (that figure is so not cute), but Movie III April is admittedly a strong contender in the attractiveness department.

Also, note the screencap of April from the Genesis version of TMNT: Tournament Fighters that appears in the article (as well as the modified image on the content pages, which I really love) — yeah, I actually had to play the game to get that. Which means that you totally owe me. That game was bloody awful, which makes even less sense in light of the undeniable fact that the SNES version was pure awesome.

More figure reviews to come!

-posted by Wes | 9:18 pm | Comments (6)
February 1, 2009
Even more Crayon Haiku!

Hey all! As the topic says, we’ve got even more Crayon Haiku for you today, but first, an apology: I totally meant to have another article up to commemorate the site’s fifth anniversary, but then I got bogged down and kinda didn’t get that done. Also, admittedly, I was so pleased with the Scary Faces piece that I was hesitant to knock it off of the top spot. I really do like that article! :mrgreen:

Anyway, here are three more haiku! Today is Lis Sladen‘s birthday, so we wanted to mention that given the love that Scary-Crayon and frequent contributor Mickey Glitter of Strange Cousin Susan exhibit for one Sarah Jane Smith. Apparently Hulk loves Sarah Jane, too! And then there’s a quick haiku mentioning my newfound love of Power Rangers figures. Expect more of them to show up on the site in the near future, as well as possible Jungle Fury episode reviews. Suffice it to say that that show is at least fifteen times better than it has any right to be. I’m hooked.

All for now, then. You know better than to set your watch based on release dates that I mention here in the SC blog, but I’m hoping to have another article done for tomorrow or Tuesday. It’ll be a retro toy review that is kinda sorta appropriate given what’s recently appeared on the pegs at Targets across the country. You know what I’m talking about. 🙂

-posted by Wes | 8:53 pm | Comments (12)
January 25, 2009
Scary-Crayon’s Fifth Anniversary! (Now with bootleg TMNT and SCARY FACES!)

Hidey-ho, minna-san! You didn’t think we’d let the site’s fifth anniversary pass without comment, did you? Yes, it’s been five years since we first opened our virtual doors on January 25, 2004. (Much of the early site content was online since 2003, though, and some people were able to access it via Google… so technically Jax is correct.) I wasn’t sure I’d still be doing the site in five years, but here I am! Will Scary-Crayon still be around in 2010? Let’s hope it survives in some shape or form.

Anyway, before we break out the party hats, mea culpas on my part — I don’t have nearly as much content ready as I’d hoped to have to mark the occasion. That said, I’m going to post what we’ve got now and keep working throughout the day to get as much as I can up! I’m going to try to get at least one more article up today, two if I can, and three if I’m really good. If I only get one up, expect the second one tomorrow, with the third to follow sometime later in the week. If I get two up, expect the third to follow later in the week. And if I get all three up… I’ll be damned impressed with myself. In any case, there will be more content later in the week, so you can call this a week-long SC celebration if you like. 🙂

First things first — more haiku! With A Crayon Haiku #111 through 117 hitting today, it’s looking more and more likely that we’ll be able to break 200 by the year’s end. I mean, we’re almost to #120 and has a fifth of the year passed? Nope! Most of these haiku are self-explanatory, but let’s give Deep Dive Batman and Jax some love for being awesome. ‘Cause they both are. One is an action figure, one is a human being, but still. Awesome. Thanks for the scary lightswitch cover, Jax! And there’s also a “baby picture” of SC in there — that is, a screencap of the one of the earliest SC layouts, which I painstakingly (not really, though it did take a tiny bit of work since my old files were all over the place) restored from my old files specifically for today. Call it digitally remastered! I think things look way better today, though admittedly I’ll always have a soft spot for the drab maroon and grey. If I ever get my own residence, I’ll have to paint a room with opposing maroon and grey walls. 🙂

Aaaand back to mentions of awesome people, Mickey Glitter is back with Sarah Jane Smith Fashionista Fever! Part 4! I’m always glad to host guest articles on the site, and one of the highlights of 2008 for me and SC was having Mickey grace the site with her wit, writing skill, and curious obsession with Sarah Jane’s footwear. Thanks a bunch, Mick — here’s hoping for encore features involving “The Sarah Jane Adventures”! 😀

Alrighty, that’ll do us for now — hopefully I’ll have more in a few hours, In which case I will simply update this post. TTFN!

UPDATE: Well, that took a bit longer than expected, but here’s the review of the Courageous Righteous Bootleg Turtles. It’s still a little rough and needs to be checked for typos, but that takes time and I wanted it up now! So if you see some, mention them in the comments for bonus points or something. 😉

And now (after I get the front and content pages updated, anyway) it’s back to work to see if I can’t get another article up! Doesn’t look like it’ll be ready before midnight for those of you on the East Coast, but it just might make it for West Coasters. In any case, while these TMNT bootlegs are pretty awesome, believe me when I say that the best — and weirdest — is yet to come.

UPDATE: So I didn’t make it in time for the West Coasters, but here it is: a review of the greatest coloring book of all time. I really love this book, and I seriously feel proud to have posted this article. Is that weird? I think it’s weird. I almost never feel proud, but today’s articles have stirred those feelings in me.

Happy anniversary, Scary-Crayon. I love you, you inanimate, eldritch online chronicle of random wackiness. And you too, faithful readers! Scary-Crayon spreads love for all. <3

Except, of course, stuff that it doesn’t love.

-posted by Wes | 12:17 pm | Comments (12)
January 20, 2009
More Haiku and a DPH Hot Flash!

Yep! Expect more substantial content on (or at least shortly after) Scary-Crayon’s upcoming 5th anniversary, but in the meantime we’ve got A Crayon Haiku #108-110 and Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #107. I may have finally been able to complete Grundy, but — as you can see — I’m not having much luck finding the final piece needed to complete Red Hulk! But at least he’s got that Ang Lee movie Hulk for support. 🙂

The bit with Frodo and Spike (who contains parts from two different Spike figures; neat, eh? Eh? 😉 ) stems from the fact that Frodo’s talking base only says one thing… and the one thing it says is kinda odd. Frodo not only mention Samwise by name — which might have been cooler if the base had come with a Frodo/Sam 2-pack — but also does so in this really breathy voice. Like they’re about to submit to prurience and reenact their favorite scenes from hobbit slash fanfiction right there atop Mount Doom with Gollum possibly looking on. Hey, he’s a hobbit, right? Threesome!

And now for something completely different.

In keeping with today’s historic inauguration, there’s the obligatory patriotic nod in the 110th haiku. And expect a full review of Freedom the American Eagle at some point! All proceeds from the sale of that figure went to benefit the families of 9/11 victims, which I guess means they didn’t fare too well since I got the figure on clearance for $2.99. Yay America?

See y’all next time. :mrgreen:

-posted by Wes | 4:14 pm | Comments (1)
January 12, 2009
The worst show ever and more Crayon Haiku!

We’re back! Didja miss us? 🙂

More Crayon Haiku this update, as today’s multipart installment features #104 through 107. I don’t have a whole lot more to say about these. The reference in the first one is to those McDonald’s apple pies (which technically cost 50 cents each, but they’re on the dollar menu), since I don’t think I’ve ever been able to eat one without burning the taste off of my tongue… which I guess means that I’ve never tasted one that wasn’t cold or reheated at home. Do they taste better fresh? I’m betting you don’t know either — those bastards are hot when they come off the… uh… heating trays? I don’t know what those things are called.

Also, I managed to replace my laptop’s fans without breaking anything, so I should be okay until something else needs replacing. And Grundy and Sinestro are here, meaning that next time we’ll add to the haiku total with the obligatory Legion of Doom update! YES! I’m still not optimistic that we’ll reach #200 by the end of the year, but #150 seems entirely possible.

Aaaand for more substantial content, there’s my review of the worst show I have ever seen. (In case you missed the warning on the content pages, the rather revolting screencaps likely make this article unsafe viewing for work.) I probably should have known what I was in for given that the Wiki entry for the entire series noted that “critically the show has been singled out for allegations of racism, misogyny, or just being wilfully puerile,” but I figured a British comedy couldn’t be that bad. I mean, a couple of my favorite comedies came out of the UK! Plus it had Shannen Doherty, and since I haven’t ordered those “Charmed” DVDs yet I needed my fix.

The show is seriously flipping awful. Also, I didn’t mention this in the article, but what I saw was apparently the fourth season of that godawful series. Delightful shows like “Pushing Daisies” are dead after two seasons — and intriguing shows like “Journeyman” perish after only one — whereas pure festering garbage like this lasts for freaking four seasons?! And in the same country that gave birth to “Doctor Who”?! Actually, “Doctor Who” has been pretty horrible lately, so maybe the UK’s doing a bit of backsliding. Things might improve once Barack Obama saves the global economy. Yes.

Also, Scary-Crayon’s anniversary is coming up on January 25, so feel free to click that donate button on the sidebar if you’ve enjoyed our content over the years! 😉 There’s also my wish list… and you could always submit an article! Or even a haiku, despite what I wrote in the submission guidelines. The haiku beast demands to be fed.

Until next time, Crayon fans!

-posted by Wes | 7:00 pm | Comments (6)
January 5, 2009
Madballs wannabes and a guest Crayon Haiku!

Hidey-ho, Crayon readers! We hope your 2009 is off to a great start. And if it’s not, buck up — we’ve got new Scary-Crayon content for you! That just makes everything better, right?

First up, guest author Jax is back to help us start off the new year right with A Crayon Haiku #103! Thanks, Jax! I think turkeys everywhere would prefer it if people dined on Jell-O turkeys during the holidays. Horses might not like that so much, but you can’t please everyone…

And then there’s a review of the latest Madballs wannabes on the block: Squirtdevil! The Madballs must be doing well if they’ve got knockoffs appearing in Dollar Tree — and unlike the many monstrous spheres that have appeared in D-Tree over the years, these are clearly drawing at least some inspiration from those maddest of balls — so I’m quite glad to see them. I’d be less enthusiastic about them if they were direct bootlegs of the Madballs in terms of sculpt, character, and so forth, but as it is it’s not like they’re stealing hardcore from the ‘balls or trying to be much more than generic $1 monster balls that squirt water. And in that capacity, the Squirtdevil are kinda neat.

Speaking of bootlegs and knockoffs, it’s time for a site plug! Some of you may recall an online archive of bootleg toys that went by the name of Bootleg Toys: The Undiscovered Playthings. It had tons of pictures of bootleg action figures, but I remember it best for its Buffy the Vampire Slayer knockoffs — particularly the one that’s dressed like Cutie Honey. I freaking love Cutie Honey, and BTVS is probably my favorite show of all time (not counting the positively abysmal sixth and seventh seasons), so a toy that combines the two was going to make a strong impression upon me. And it’s a knockoff to boot? I find knockoffs highly entertaining, especially when they’re as unlikely as this combination. So while I didn’t remember the name of the site, per se, I remembered that it had some fantastic stuff on it.

And now, Bootleg Toys: The Undiscovered Things is back in an all-new blog format — so if you’re the kind of person who finds knockoffs to be highly entertaining (and if you aren’t, why are you here again?), you should definitely add the site to your bookmarks. I fully plan to add it to the sidebar whenever I get around to updating that links block, but don’t wait for that — go now! You do want to learn about zany merch like the Hero Chariot and Space Jam bootlegs, don’t you?

And now, some genuine Madballs news! First, I’ve updated the Madballs stickers article with a note containing the official names of those ‘balls. Thanks to Madballs Central for plugging that piece! Speaking of Madballs Central, it’s always a great place to go for Madballs updates and images… like new drawings of the Series 3 Madballs. Awesome! That said, the most interesting news might concern the new Madballs video game that’s due to hit this summer. I’m not sure what to make of it at this point — it looks to be some kind of action shooter and as far as I can tell only stars two of the Madballs — but I’m looking forward to learning more. And if you’re into Madballs games, there’s also a Flash game on that you can play. I don’t really understand it, so don’t ask me for tips!

Personally, I’d like to see a Madballs platform-RPG type game. A platform game would make for lots of appropriate bouncing — and with an abundance of RPG dialogue, there would be almost unlimited potential for terrible puns! If I knew anything about game creation (and had the time), I’d make a fangame along those lines myself. 🙂

Oh, and finally, while I don’t plan to give the site a total makeover for some time — even several years later, I’m still quite enamored with the way things look right now! — I have done some minor behind-the-scenes tweaks. Now, if you execute a search, the document title will acknowledge that instead of giving you a generic category listing. I’ve also updated the shadowbox references for some of the more recent toy articles and added them to certain pieces, like the Madballs Series 2 review and Tresob Yr’s guest review of the unlicensed Metroplex Kabaya kit. None of these things make a huge difference, but… yes.

Okey-doke, all for now! Please do comment on today’s features, and let me know if Series 2 Madballs are more plentiful in your area! And if they are, let me know if they’ve painted Wolf Breath brown for his official release, since he appears red in the few eBay auctions yet brown in the Nickelodeon commercial and the Basic Fun store. And once again, don’t forget to visit the revived Bootleg Toys: The Undiscovered Things! Tell Joe that Wes of Scary-Crayon sent you.

Until next time, then! Best wishes for 2009, everyone. :mrgreen:

-posted by Wes | 6:09 am | Comments (0)
December 30, 2008
A Crayon Haiku milestone!!!

What — you didn’t think I’d forgotten, did you? I’ve had these written for weeks, but I figured I’d prolong the suspense a bit. 😉

So today, on the eve of New Year’s Eve, we finally cross the 100-haiku threshold and begin our journey towards the big two-double-zero. Considering that it’s taken us nearly five years to get this far, it might be a bit ambitious to set a goal of reaching A Crayon Haiku #200 by 2010… but I’ll be pretty impressed if we can get to #240. I’m also digging the multi-haiku format, so with the exception of guest haiku I’ll probably continue with that into the new year and beyond.

On to additional notes regarding today’s haiku! The stand that I’m using to display Chun-Li performing the Spinning Bird Kick is a Whippy Superpose/Color Bear stand — Poe Ghostal highlighted them a while back on his site and they’re pretty darned cool! While you can get cheaper stands at Michael’s for simple doll display (I’m using one of those to keep Blade of Puppet Master fame on his feet), these are ideal for displaying Street Fighter figures doing SPECIAL MOVES. 😉

As far as I know they’re not sold in stores (in these parts, anyway), so unless you have a different source (in which case you should tell me!) you’ll have to resort to eBay to get them. I’m sure you can find them from multiple sellers, but this is the store from which I purchased them back in September. This particular seller even shipped me another stand (all the way from Hong Kong!) when one of the stands in my first shipment was missing the rod, so I feel good about recommending him.

The Skeletor haiku is a reference to the old Eiffel65 song — when I first heard it, I thought it was saying, “I would bleed, I would die,” during the refrain. Yes. Also, that Skeletor actually is bluer than usual, since I gave him a very messy dark blue wash. It’s difficult to tell in the light tent setup, but in person he looks not only darker, but also kinda scaly. Given that extra evil characteristic and his black costume, I’ve taken to calling him Shin Skeletor.

Then there is the rubber band ball! Inspired by my love of “Pee-wee’s Playhouse”, I started this up back in high school and then kinda forgot about it until I unearthed it again earlier this year. Since then, I’ve added to it quite a bit — enough that I’ve had to stop using the bands in regular assorted packs, which either won’t fit the ball or roll right off, in favor of the 3 1/2″ by 1/4″ postal size bands. So if you ever want to send something random and/or cheap my way for whatever reason (like the upcoming Scary-Crayon anniversary on January 25!) and aren’t up for donating to the site, rubber bands are acceptable! The packs I buy are 88 cents at Wal-Mart. 🙂

And the final haiku is a reference to the 2006 remake of The Wicker Man. The original was fantastic, but the remake was… well, the most unintentionally hilarious movie ever. Or maybe the hilarity was intentional, in which case everyone involved is a genius.

Okay, that’s all for now! More to come in the near future.

-posted by Wes | 10:11 pm | Comments (1)
December 3, 2008
A Crayon Haiku Deluge!

With today’s update, I think it’s safe to say that we’re going to reach our goal of hitting A Crayon Haiku #100 by the end of the month. Barring some unfortunate and unforeseen accident that prevents me from updating Scary-Crayon before the new year, that is!

As you can see, our Legion of Doom has gained yet another member — this time, Toyman from the DC Direct “Justice” line. This is the greatest DC Direct figure ever. Hell, if I had to make a list of the best ten action figures I own, I’m pretty sure Toyman would be on there. He freaking rules. 39 points of articulation on a DC Direct figure?! And as seen in A Crayon Haiku #90 (I haven’t numbered them individually, but that’s what it is 😉 ), he can almost perfectly pull off the Hadoken pose. Any figure that can do that is totally badass in my book — about the only thing more impressive is a figure that can do high front kicks.

In A Crayon Haiku #91, Optimus Prime returns with a new gun! Actually, it’s an old gun — it came with one of the Transformatrix Primes we saw a couple of holiday seasons ago. It’s actually bootlegged from the Robot Masters Optimus Prime, which had a square hand to hold the gun by its proper handle, but rather than change the size of that part they just went ahead and added an extra rounded peg to the end of it. All well and good, but that’s not where Prime holds his gun! So as I was strolling past my toys the thought of dremeling that peg off and shaving down the proper handle popped into my head… and now Optimus Prime is appropriately armed. I kinda hope these Transformatrix Primes make a comeback this season; I have at least two more Prime figures that would love to have Ion Blasters as well. 🙂

In the next three haiku, fun with Wolverine continues. First, this weekend (I wrote the haiku that day, plus the syllables work out), I saw that same Wolverine with the two right forearms at Target. Not a different one with the same factory error — the same damned one I’d returned. I hate that. I see that kind of thing all the time at Wal-Mart — figures with mangled packaging and missing accessories and even packages with completely different figures shoved in the tray (I saw a neon green “The Batman” figure in “The Dark Knight” Movie Masters packaging; I kid you not) and swaddled in tape — but I’d always thought Target was better than that. I was wrong.

Still working on the metal claws thing with the Wolvie I’ve got, but I think I prefer the bobby pins to the paperclips. The latter look fantastic from certain angles, but kinda puny from others. The bobby pins, on the other hand, require all kinds of fun dremeling and stuff. Joy.

Moving on! Unlike DC Universe Wave 3, DCUC is finally starting to show up on the shelves in earnest — and a couple of weeks ago I was able to snag a Wonder Woman figure. She’s okay, but I think I like her a lot more since I’ve started hearing about all of the problems plaguing this line. I even got the opportunity to witness those problems at various Toys “R” Us stores this weekend, as the only Ares and Wonder Woman figures I saw suffered respectively from reversed arms and duplicate thigh pieces. I know, right?! For more on this urgent matter, see SAG’s rant about Mattel’s quality control on

Speaking of stuff on other sites, Random Action Hour has moved! It appeared to be down for a while, but now it’s back. I expect that the insanely prolific updates will resume shortly. 😉

Also, a while back, I tried to clothe my comic Hellboy by ordering one of those 1/6th scale WWII trenchcoats on eBay. Obviously I misjudged the size of those dolls.

And finally, this week’s episode of “Dexter” ended with the skinner capturing our titular hero! Oh no! Anyway, if you’ve never seen Dexter, I highly recommend it. Unlike certain other shows *cough”Heroes”cough*, Dexter has remained excellent into the third season. Unfortunately, “Pushing Daisies” will never get that opportunity. 🙁

See you next time, when all signs point to the crossing of the 100-haiku milestone! :mrgreen:

-posted by Wes | 8:18 am | Comments (0)
November 27, 2008
Have some Crayon Haiku with your turkey!

In keeping with our goal of reaching the 100th Crayon Haiku before the end of 2008, here are three new ones: A Crayon Haiku #86, 87, and 88! At least for the time being, I’ll post them in per update blocks — which is to say that if I post three haiku during a given update (like this one), I’ll stick them all on the same page. If nothing else, it should keep me from running other more substantial content off of the front page given the possibility of me posting massive amounts of haiku on December 31. 🙂

Anyway, if you recall, A Crayon Haiku #84 highlighted a problem with my most recent Marvel Legends purchase — Wolverine had two right forearms! I was able to successfully exchange it for another Wolverine with all of his parts, but when I got the figure home I noticed something else problematic about it. Apparently mine wasn’t unique in this respect, as you can see the problem in the gallery, at, and perhaps even on the original mold: there’s a small but not insignificant gap between Wolverine’s torso and his belt. And it bugged the living crap out of me.

So I tried to fix it. I noticed that the figure was pretty level in the back, so I tried to find ways of forcing the figure slightly forward. First I put some superglue back there — but while this would’ve been ideal if I’d been able to crack the crotch apart and let the glue dry without the body nearby, all I ultimately succeeded in doing is making the joint a bit tighter. Then I had the brilliant idea of sticking something in there, so I jammed the plastic tray from another figure into the gap and tried to trim around it to leave the piece inside. It seemed like this would work out well! Unfortunately, while I was trimming the excess plastic with my hobby knife, my hand slipped. And there was blood.

Don't try this at home, kids.

Anyway, here’s how it looks from the back. The glue still wasn’t completely dry, so it’s in there pretty well. I think if I had it to do over again I’d probably try to make sure the plastic got glued to the torso piece rather than the crotch — with this method, there’s still a slight gap (though less obvious than the original one) when Wolverine turns to the side — but ah well. I’ve also given the yellow parts a slight wash and am in the process of repainting the blue areas, and eventually I plan to fit Wolvie with steel claws as seen in Kyle Robinson’s tutorial. I had originally decided against this given the possibility of Wolverine maiming me, but since blood has already been spilled I’m less averse to spilling more. 😛

The remaining two haiku are about “Smallville” and “Heroes”, respectively. I’ve called “Smallville” among the worst TV shows on television in the past, but whereas I’ve mainly put up with the last two seasons for Allison Mack — whose character, Chloe Sullivan, helped to satisfy my lingering Willow cravings — I now actually enjoy watching it. I can’t in good conscience call it good, as some pretty stupid and/or solely story-serving developments still occur, but I can now state that it is decidedly not bad. And absence must make the heart grow fonder, because Kristin Kreuk did nothing for me before and I actually found her attractive in the most recent episode. I think I might even be able to tolerate her as Chun-Li in the upcoming Street Fighter film. Might.

“Heroes,” on the other hand, has become so goddamned awful I can’t even begin to discuss it. So I won’t. Suffice it to say that I find it disgusting that “Heroes” will likely stick around for another year while “Pushing Daisies” is getting the axe — and while excellent shows like “Journeyman” get killed after one season. For shame, television executives — for shame.

Okey-doke, all for now. And while the new multiple-haiku groupings means that there won’t be any bonus haiku on individual pages (which is just as well; note that if we’d counted all of the bonus haiku and “special” editions — like the Resident Evil 2 Edition — we’d have reached our numerical goal by now), I might occasionally include some in SC blog updates. Like this one! Here goes:

Happy Thanksgiving,
readers of Scary-Crayon!
We’re thankful for you. 🙂

Until next time.

-posted by Wes | 12:32 pm | Comments (2)
November 19, 2008
Gurren Lagann and more Crayon Haiku!

Yes! I’ve still got much more news to report, but it’s late and I’ve got a headache so I’ll knock this one off relatively quickly. First, the filler content: A Crayon Haiku #84 and A Crayon Haiku #85! Why two in one update, you ask? Well, among other things, I’m hoping to finally reach A Crayon Haiku #100 before 2008 is out — so that means you may see as many as two or three haiku per update if push comes to shove. Hell, if we get to December 31 and I’m still only up to A Crayon Haiku #89, I’ll write and post the remaining 11 that very day. Don’t hold me to that, but don’t be surprised if it comes to pass, either.

I really, really hate getting defective action figures — every time something like this happens, the child inside me dies a little more. And I’m betting Target will be sold out of Wolverines by the time I get back there to return this one, which means I’ll once again be without a superarticulated Wolverine. Oh, sad is the world.

But speaking of superarticulated figures, we’ve also got more substantial content for you: a review of the RevolTech Gurren Lagann by guest writer Sixshot! I’ve known this guy for ages — at least since the late 90s, if I recall correctly — so it’s really cool to have as a Scary-Crayon contributor. Granted, I personally think that Revoltech (Sixxy is pretty adamant about capitalizing that “T”; me, not so much 😉 ) figures are overrated — they’re tiny (between 4.5″ and 4.75″ tall), expensive ($20 to $25 a pop), and, while highly articulated, not overwhelmingly so — but then the only two Revoltech figures I own are Optimus Prime and Megatron (as seen here). Considering that they’re dwarfed by and only slightly more articulated than the Classics deluxes and they lack the ability to transform, you can understand my position.

Anyway, that’s all for now! Many thanks to Sixshot for contributing — make sure y’all voice your appreciation as well in the comments. And do be careful when buying action figures, and try not to get bitten by giant spiders. Unless you think you’ve got experimental hybrid spiders lurking in your basement, in which case you get yourself bitten as soon as possible. Just remember: with great power comes great responsibility.

See you next time. :mrgreen:

-posted by Wes | 3:41 am | Comments (5)
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